


Absolute Zero: Where Are We (Standing).

by Renasy



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Amnesia, F/M, Humor, M/M, Paragade (Mass Effect), Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, after destroy ending, before destroy ending, etablished relationship, garrus is a bro, jealous kaidan, jealous shepard, moody shepard, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-18
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-01-01 23:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1050023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renasy/pseuds/Renasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Mass Effect 3 events. After Citadel Coup, Kaidan and Shepard agreed together, they can’t trust anymore each other in matter of love. Shepard has hard time to cope with the separation, but as he is witnessing Kaidan with his new lover -the Doctor- He understands it's over. Now, he needs to turn his full attention back to kick some Reaper's ass. Althought, his suicidal actions are starting to worry the crew, particularly Kaidan.</p><p>*ON HIATUS* Novembre 2015, but still working on chapters. Thanks you :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 35 Degrees Celsius.

**Author's Note:**

> You have to know:  
> 1 - I'm french, so I'm really sorry if you think my english sucks !  
> 2 - It's a customize Shepard: (Aiden) Jay Shepard  
> 3 - Shepard is a paragade, which means half paragon, half renegade.  
> In my playthrough in ME1, he was kind of (not totally) an asshole, could say something like:  
> 'I had a bad day, don't start your shit with me' but he is not a renegade. And he is now more calm, but in his mind, it's something really different, you will see how is struggling to stay polite.

Once Udina was out, executed by second Spectre Kaidan Alenko. Him and first Spectre, Jay Shepard left the place with the Council.   
Some questions were running in Alenko's mind. A real rollcaster of emotions. He waited at the Dock Bay the man who was creating more and more confusion into his head.

Shepard reached the door, and was surprised to see his old comrade. He probably didn't expect him to be there. Alenko quickly engaged the conversation, dropping any rank and formalities and ignoring the worrying line on Shepard's face.

“Would you have shot me?” He asked hastily, shocking in the process the man in front of him.  
“Yes, I would have.” Shepard replied, honestly. There is no use to lie, even if the question was delicate.

Kaidan seems pleased with his answer, normally he would have been upset, but he wasn’t.  
They didn’t have the same sense of integrity, but their purpose was close.  
  
Still, the Major wasn’t certain if he could trust Shepard in matter of love. He was still fragile about it, and admitted it.  
The other man nodded vaguely in response. He wore a sad expression.  
Kaidan wished he could smooth away these hard lines, and say _It's okay my love_ , but he didn't.

The situation tensed and turned out electrical in the Starboard Observation Room.  
Kaidan returned on the subject: "Just to be sure that everything between us is clear." He explained.  
"No misunderstood." Shepard annoyingly shot an _I GET IT_.

But, Kaidan continued.  
“The fact is, I’m seeing you like anything else but Shepard.”

This honest statement annoyed the hell out of Shepard.  
That made no sense, but he needed further explanations. What he was implying by that?

“What do you mean?” Shepard crossed his arms, waiting a reasonable answer.  
“I’m still processing the fact that you are alive. That you are… **you**. I mean..., on the field I feel it’s you, Commander."

Kaidan rubbed nervously the back of his neck. "But..., in the intimate way, Jay. I can’t.”  
“What does that even mean? Do you think I am a copy, Kaidan? That I am a clone, is that it?”

Shepard couldn't believe Kaidan was still stuck in _what_ he really was.

The Major nodded and tried to explain himself in details. He talks too much, Shepard thought.  
They argued, one raised his voice, the other followed, louder. And, oh glory!  
A tear scrolled down Shepard’s eyes, he quickly put his palm on his face to hide it, wipe it, but too late Kaidan noticed it.

  
He soothered his voice and tried to touch Shepard. Shepard stepped back, leaving quickly the room and pushing past Garrus.

“Hey, Shepard, what’s ...the matter?” Garrus asked, but the human shouted him a ‘later’, in a shaken voice.

He was containing with a lot of pain, his tears, that’s horrible he thought. Him? Crying? What the...!  
He needed the elevator NOW. So, when Kaidan left the room and headed straight forward to him. He wished he could disappear in the thin air.

  
But, OH MIRACLE, the door’s elevator opened quickly. He scurried inside, the door slamming quickly behind him.  
Kaidan gasped in surprise and took away his hand, before he got it crushed.

Inside, Shepard was relieved “thanks EDI.”  
The disembodied voice replied “You are welcome, Commander.” She had eyes and ears everywhere.  
She certainly heard the grudge in the room.

  
Once arrived in his cabin, he crushed his body on his bed.  
No cry, no pitiful sob, just the bitter thought that now, only **Death** will remain by his side. "It’s okay." He said.  
"Death will never let me down, at least."

 

Days after, Admiral Hackett informed him that Quarians were willing to help in afford of the war.  
So, he travelled to the Far Rim, met the Migrant Fleet and Tali. The little Quarian, sure had grown up, she was now an Admiral.

 

* * *

A new priority was assigned: disable the Reaper control signal and cease any further upgrade of the Geths.  
Kaidan wanted absolutely to assist in this mission. Shepard couldn’t refuse this to him.

The sentinel didn’t wear Geths in his heart, and was still processing the death of Jenkins, yeah, he was processing a lot.

Shepard didn’t know much about Jenkins. The first time, he landed a foot on the Normandy, he didn't know anyone.  
He was new on the whole ship. Jenkins was watching him with an awe expression, drowning him with questions about Torfan.  
Shepard’s patience was getting weary, and his advice about “don’t do stupid things, always watch your six” didn’t help, ‘cause the kid got pierced like a French cheese.  
  
It’s stricken Kaidan. They were probably friends, or more. Shepard _eewed_ at the thought.

He was used to see dead people, they even called him 'Butcher of Torfan' and that wasn't for nothing, so he wasn’t that much sad for the boy.  
Okay, he was kind of an asshole back in these days, but, hey, he did a lot of improvement.

He cared for people, now. He cared for Tali, Anderson, Garrus, Wrex, Liara, Joker, Kaidan and Ashley… He learned to care about Legion, Mordin, Jack, Samara, Thane, Grunt, EDI, Miranda, Jacobs and considerated them as a part of his crew. They meant so much to him, as friends… He would have been probably resentful as Kaidan, if he lost one of them. Well, he already lost Ashley, Thane and Mordin, and that didn’t let him indifferent.

Anyway, he let Kaidan go with him, with only professional speech between them, no words about what happened between them.

They found Legion entangled in some kind of cables, and freed him.  
They fought any resistance inside, and went back to the Normandy without lost. Safely. Just a few scrapes.

  
**

Shepard stayed in the War Room, discussing with Tali and Legion.  
After their little chit-chat, he left, being saluted by the 2 talkative women soldiers. He bumped on Kaidan.

“Can we trust it, Shepard?” Kaidan asked with a stern expression.

“What the hell? You could at least excuse yourself.”

“Can we?” Kaidan repeated, taking Shepard by his arms and shaking him a little.

“Yes, we can trust him...!” Shepard replied a little startled.

“Are you insane? It’s a Geth. What if... What if it attacks us? The Geths are with the Reapers! They’d even uploaded Reaper’s technology in their program!”

“Major, can you lower your voice? Legion and I worked together, during my…, Cerberus time. He helped us a lot. I trust him.” Shepard disengaged himself from the hard embrace.

“It’s a Geth.”

“Yeah? I heard you pretty well on that, and I know _what_ he is. But, he is different. He is not the one who shot Jenkins, you know?”

Oops, it slipped. Sensible spot. Don't be a jerk Shepard, stay cool and polite.

“Oh yeah? Talking about Jenkins! That should remind you what Geths are!” Kaidan yelled.

God… He was thankful, only Traynor remained. It was dinner time and they were all downstairs.  
She fidgeted and scurried quickly away. Shepard hoped the gossiping girls didn’t hear them.

“Kaidan, you almost drift into space and he helped you, right?”

“It’s…” Kaidan was lost for word. Good.

“You said you trusted me…” Shepard added softly.

“What!?”

“You said you trusted me on the field. Right?” Shepard repeated in a confident tone.

“Y-yes... Sure. Of course I do, Shepard.”

“Then, the discussion is over.” Shepard excused himself “Major.” and left.

  
*

Later, Shepard was working in his cabin, when Edi's voice resonned.  
“Commander, Major Alenko would like to speak to you. He is waiting outside of your cabin.” EDI said.

Shepard sighed and thanked her. He stepped outside, crossed his arms, ready to give a piece of his mind.

“Kaidan, I will not dis-”

“I’m sorry.” His shoulder slumped down. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. You were right. It- _he_ is not the one who shot Jenkins.”

“Yeah…” He simply agreed. The man he fell in love with, was in front of his eyes, admitting his flaws.  
Not a lot of people could have this retrospection and speak in clear voice their wrongness or fear. It amazed Shepard.

“J-Commander.” Kaidan strengthened his position. “I wish to accompany you on your next mission, I heard it will be on Eden Prime, please allow me to assist you!”

“I’ll think about it, Major…” It pained Shepard all that professional crap that Kaidan was building around them. He wasn't allowed to get any closer.  
There was an unmistakable invisible wall between them. An unspoken agreement.

“Dismissed.” Shepard said, exhausted. Kaidan nodded and took the elevator.

The door closed and Shepard slumped down on the wall, sliding until he touched the floor. He put his arms around his knee, bent his head and stayed like this until late.

* * *

Mission on Eden Prime went well.  
And Shepard was happy to meet a Prothean, which had an unhealthy tendency to wash his hands. Clean freak, Shepard thought.

But, his happiness quickly died out when the Prothean said he had no idea what the Crucible was.

A big dark cloud was floating on Shepard’s head, he was munching absent-mindly a protein bar in front of his comp, when he received a message.  
He clicked on it, read it, and almost spurt his food on the screen.

“Are you okay, Commander?” Samantha Traynor asked.

“Yeah...” He coughed. “Hum, Traynor…can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” She said, with a warm smile.

* * *

“Okay, Shepard, can you tell me why we are here?” Garrus asked in an exasperated tone.

“As you can see, we are in a middle of a mission.” Shepard replied in his Commander’s tone.

“How spying Kaidan and his (new) fiancée is a mission?” Garrus questioned in a pitched tone, it was probably his 'you are annoying me with your stories' mood.

“You are a sniper, you can shot a bullet right in their head.” Shepard said with evilness.

“I hope it’s some kind of human jokes, because... Crime of passion? Too soapy.”

Shepard huffed. Okay, it wasn’t a good idea to spy his ex at his date. And he didn’t ask to read the private note he received. But, it went straight on his mail box! He asked Traynor for explanation, she had no idea, then EDI, said she “unintentionally” redirected the message to him, and she will send right away on the personal comp of the Major. And, he “unintentionally” made some research on her with his Specter codes.

"I swear it was unintentional!" Shepard almost shout.

"What?" Garrus was perplexed.

"Nothing." He sighed.

*

Lizbeth Taylor, she was a doctor on the Citadel, and wrote an interesting essay about Yahg’s anatomy and reproductions. Yuck.

Shepard asked himself if it was the same doc' Kaidan told him about, two years ago…  
Or else, the Major had a serious thing for nurses or whatever kink.

*

“She looks fine.” Garrus said in a neutral voice. “And has heavy package.” He twitched his mandibles. 

“Stop leering!” Shepard was pained. Yes, she looked beautiful, and she had big…. Boobs…. He rolled his eyes. “Really, Kaidan?”

The older man and the woman seemed to be engrossed in their conversation. He wished he could listen about what they were saying.  
They looked like a good pairing. She was all petite, and could fit in his strong arms. Kaidan was all smile and sunshine.  
  
He got pulled out of his thoughts as Kaidan turned his attention to him.  **OH SHIT _!_**

The Turian and his friend hide themselves quickly.

“Goddamnit, Shepard, why I am here!” Garrus hissed, his body crouched down on the floor.

“One, I’ll look less creepy if you're sticking around. And two, if we meet them, it will be less awkward for me. Now shut it.”

“You’re such a stalker. Get over it!”  
  
Once he was sure Kaidan wasn’t paying any more attention to their hidden spot, Garrus pulled himself on his feet.  
He made a sign to Shepard, the human got up and sighed.

“You’re right…”

“His lost.”

“Don’t think he’s losing much with me, she is really pretty…” He admitted in a defeated voice. “I bet she has nice and not hairy legs that can easily intertwine around his waist. Her skin is probably suppler than mine, and her voice is a melody of birds in his ears”. Okay, Jealousy and poetry weren’t his good forth. He needed to get over this.

“Could be worst.” Garrus crossed his arms. Shepard tilted his head like a _what do you mean_.

“Could be an Asari.” Garrus’s mandibles twitched a lot, probably a smirk he was trying to hide.

Shepard growled and walked away, leaving Garrus and his weird giggle behind.

 

* * *

After Admiral Korris was exempt from any danger. Shepard, Tali and Garrus hurried on Rannoch.  
Kaidan wanted to assist, but he had to leave his place for the others. He wasn’t the only squad-mate who could give a hand. Tali knew enough about Geths, Garrus had a good shot, and Shepard was a vanguard. They were the perfect squad against Geth, nothing to worry about. Well… Until he heard on Joker’s comm, Shepard was about to have a _face-à-face_ with a Reaper.

Kaidan clasped tightly on Joker’s head seat, gasping loudly as he stared on the integrated camera of his lover - wait… Ex-lover ...No.  
Commander’s capacitor helmet all his gymnastic. That's right, Commander. It was the right term to use. 

His heart nearly dropped when the camera didn’t flicker anymore images. “FIX THIS.” He yelled at EDI.

“I can’t.” She said, touching a lot of colorful button on the board.

Joker seated in her left, cussed. “Shepard..., do you copy? Commander? Come on, don’t be a bitch, Shepard!”

“Who are you naming a bitch, Joker? Watch your tone!” Shepard static voice was heard, with a humored tone.

All the strain of Kaidan’s body washed away. He was alive. Jay was alive. Shepard will come back to him.  
He felt a headache surge from all the flow of emotions, and rested his forehead on the top of the seat, puffing out a relieved sigh.

Little moment later, Kaidan greeted a gloomy Shepard. He had lost a friend, again. He didn’t know the scientist Mordin Solus, he didn't know the skillful assassin Thane Krios who died in the Relay Omega 4 and he didn’t know much about the Geth, Legion. However, he knew the nulling sense of void when you lose someone you were used to befriend. Geth and Quarians were united.  
  
Unfortunately, it cost lives.


	2. 30 Degrees Celsius.

When Kaidan thought about his Commander’s actions he wanted to scold him, but sharing his discontement to the man wasn’t the best idea, and will be just mind-bashing him in the wrong moment as he lost a friend. So, he just congratulated him for taking down a Reaper and stood down. Shepard shrugged it off, as if it wasn’t a big deal.   
  
Are you kidding me? Kaidan thought, the man had no idea how incredible he was.

Leaving that aside, something was worrying him. Shepard was doing a lot of dangerous and suicidal actions, but he waited, just to be sure he wasn’t getting any false ideas.

* *

**ETA 1 HOUR, CITADEL**

Shepard walked lazily to the mess hall but stopped right away his track as he overheard Garrus, James and Kaidan.

“Looking fine, L2. Going somewhere?” James Vega asked with a sneaky smile.

Kaidan chuckled, he looked happy and refreshed. “Going to see a friend during our short period”

“Ooh oh~” James poked Garrus with his elbow.

“That doctor of your?” Garrus asked, shooting a dark look to James.

“How you..Y-yeah.” Kaidan blushed.

“It’s finished?” Garrus was speaking with mystery, but the biotic clearly understood what it was about.

“Finished?” James queried, clearly lost.

“Yes, Garrus.” The biotic admitted, a little annoyed.

“You’re okay with that?” Garrus continued.

“Yeah, and I’m more in peace with myself, thank you.”

“That what you would like to think.” His mandible twitched, and by his tone, he was angry.

“What are you talking about, guys?” James asked, getting more and more confused.

“Nothing interesting, Lieutenant. Let’s change of subject.” Kaidan shot a glare to the Turian. Garrus would not darken his mood, today. Oh hell no.

Then, Vega started. “Is that true, Shepard pushed a guy out of the window?” Great, the subject didn’t really change…   
Garrus turned his face to Vega and answered “Yeah.Why?”

“Awesome.” Vega brightened.

“Why he would do that?” Kaidan asked, in a shock stupor.

“Why he wouldn’t?” The Lieutenant and the Turian asked in unison.

“He also shot an Asari mercenary. We weren’t even sure if she was guilty, but Shepard..., I don’t know how, it felt it right in his core.   
Later, we learnt her hands were really dirty.” 

Garrus narrated the story, seeing how Vega's eyes were shimmering with excitation. "Oh and that Batarian who poisoned his drink? He made him pass under a table."

"Woaaw, what?" Vega was really into it, and Kaidan was horrified.

"Yeah. He glared at him and told him: _drink it_."

"Did he?"

"Psht. Of course."

"Cojones! If the Commander was a woman, I would have fall for him!" Vega ignored the dark look of the Major.  
Anyway, he wasn't sure why the Major was death-glaring him, it wasn't insubordination, right?

Garrus nodded to his statement.

  
On his side, Shepard rolled his eyes. Why are you telling to my lover, okay ex, all my bad side?  
Do you want to make him freak out and despise me more than ever…? Thanks god, he didn’t punch the reporter. They would have probably talk about it.

  
“He is quite impulsive, I like it.” James replied.

“Yeah, but he was kind of a ball of nerves. He lost the trust of someone he really loved. In the end, it didn’t matter anymore to him.” Garrus glanced at Kaidan.

“I need to go. Later guys.” Kaidan responded angrily, leaving them.

 *

“Guuuuuyyyys….” Shepard scolded, merging slowly out of his dark spot. He had a creepy smile.

“Dios mio ! Loco ! You scared the mierda de mi !” James shot.

“How about you stop talking about my flaws and mind yours? I swear you are worse than the two gossiping girls downstairs.”  
He said to both of them but his glare was turned to Garrus. The Turian crossed his arms and remained silent.

“ETA 15 minutes.” Joker’s voice over the comm broke the short pause, and added. “Commander, the Asari councilor would like to speak to you, so get prepared to the speeech.”

"Thank you, Joker for your unecessary accentuation." He shot back.

What an awful day.

 

***

The Asari Councilor wanted to talk about her homeland being attacked by Reapers. She asked for Shepard's help. How convenient, huh?  
He begged them for help for Earth and they ignored him, and now they needed his help. Shepard hated politicians.

"Udina and Thessia. You have a lot to pay me back, Councilor. A lot."

"I know already all of that, Commander." She replied, curtly.

Anyway he went.  
  
Once arrived in Thessia, it wasn't pretty, James would have had a heart stroke. His favorite planet was all wrecked and blood.

Liara was upside down. Most of her words were filled of anger and distress. Shepard had to remind her to calm down.

"How can I? They're attacking my homeland!" She shot back.

'No shit? I thought they were doing a barbecue' He thought, but he preferred to soothe her "I know, Liara. We all know, but we have a mission. And, I need you to concentrate."

She agreed sadly. Fussing wasn’t going to save her home. Good. They pursued their route.

They entered a temple, and to their surprise all the antic stocked inside were protheans. Liara didn't want to believe it, and ignored Kaidan and Shepard's comments.

"Joker, put me on line with Javik, please" Shepard asked under his comm, the line was getting static, not good.

"Yes, Commander" The pilot answered.

 

And that was the drama for the Asari. Shepard sent all the data he retrieved to Javik.  
The Prothean observed it and without hesitation assured her it was "his people", and he sure had a mock tone. 

  
On his side, Kaidan was obfuscated, how Asari kept all this knowledge as a secret. Liara told them, she had no idea about this, she was really broken.

"Whatever, let's get out of here" Shepard said. “I don’t wanna be the piñata of a Reaper. Do you?”

And as they discovered a Prothean IV, informing them about the Crucible, all Shepard's hope shattered when Cerberus arrived.  
Kai Leng was there, and not alone. He gave him a lot of hell.

"You couldn't protect the Salarian councilor! You suck! Gyahaha!" Leng scoffed.

Really? You decided to childishly poke on me? Shepard thought. He didn't want to waste his time with this.  
So, he didn’t reply and he really didn't expect Kaidan to react otherwise.

"What did you just say, asshole? Come here!" Kaidan shot back.

No, no, no, Shepard said as he glanced above him and noticed Leng approaching Kaidan.

"Alenko!"  Shepard yelled "Don't fall in his taunts!"

"Kaidan Alenko! Shepard's bitch! How desperate you will be, if I kill him?" He taunted, again.

OKAY. How many people knew about his relationship with Kaidan? That was supposed to be a secret!

No time to delay on it. Shepard jumped out of his corner and went full biotic on the man.  
Leng stepped away from Kaidan and got his full attention back to Shepard. Their body crashed loudly together, falling, and rolling together.  
Leng smirked and gripped tightly on Shepard’s arms.

“Shepard is mine. Get rid of the others!” He ordered to his men.

“Rogers” One of Cerberus agent replied, firing on Liara and Kaidan.

“So, I had to play in your sensitive spot to get a reaction?” Leng mocked.

Shepard was stunned, Kai Leng was right. Until now, he didn’t react at any of his earlier taunts.  
But once, Kaidan got meddled into it, he lost it. The sentinel was his weak point and his enemy knew it. Leng shot a dirty smirk.

Shepard gritted his tooth and punched him.  
“Go to hell!” but his opponent swung his legs and made him loose his balance, pinning him in an awkward position, a really awkward one….

“Shepard!” He heard Kaidan calling him out.

“Look, how worried he is!” Leng caressed Shepard short hair. “In another circumstances, I would have been glad to make him cry by torturing you, or the other way around. Would you like to be my dog, Shepard? Should I leash you? What do you think about it?”

“I think, you speak too much!” Shepard’s biotic flared and pushed away Leng, destroying in the process the shield of the man.  
It strained him to use all this energy, and when Kai approached him, the weirdo kissed him roughly and yelled to his men.

“NOW!”

A gunship appeared in their view. Kai smiled, took out his sword and crowed:

“The party is over!”

Shepard almost got cut in two. He avoided all the swing, and rolled away from the crazy ninja.

The gunship fired several times and they all ran to hide themselves, but Shepard didn’t get lucky, a rocket flew to his side. He avoided it in extremis, but the impact was so strong, that the ground crumbled down, with him.

He clasped tightly, trying not to fall, but his gauntlets made him slide, he tried so hard, until his hand gave in.  
Fortunately, Liara caught him and helped him to get away from his fall. As fast as he could, he tried to catch Leng, but too late, the man was already taking the ladder of his gunship and was out of reach.  
His maniacal laughter pissed off Shepard.

He utterly, failed.

**

He reported back to Hackett and Anderson, showing his frustration to Anderson. The captain just said ‘it’s okay, next time, you’ll do better’

It really didn’t comfort him. He needed this IV, they all needed it. It was the key for their victory. Reapers were gaining in force.  
What is wrong with you, TIM? He shot angrily, stomping away of the War Room.

He took the elevator, chose the quarters level, just to check his wounds and stumbled into Garrus and Tali speaking together.

“Oh, hey, Shepard” Tali saluted softly.

Garrus just nodded to him, and added: “Need to talk to you.”

“Later, Garrus. Shepard, we’re worried about Liara. She secluded herself in her room and won’t come out!” Tali said in a hurried pace.

He sighed and told them he will check on her. Tali was grateful while Garrus whispered a ‘come to see me, after.’

  
**

He didn't want to see her, just seeing her face would remind him how useless he had been on Thessia.  
She didn't hold any grudge against him. She didn't scream at him, she didn’t even punch him. She was just wearing that sad expression, the same she had when her mother died, 2 years ago.

Shepard was exhausted, wasn't in the mood to comfort anyone, he patted her back in an absent minded state.

His thoughts drifted on that bastard, Kai Leng. He used a gunship, and he knew a bit too much about his personal life. What a freak, Shepard thought.  
And the way, he caressed him as if he was touching a jewel, made Shepard irked. He didn’t know Cerberus hired molester! The man wasn't right in his mind.

 

Liara spoke, stirring away Shepard from his reverie.

“Thanks Shepard” She smiled, though there weren’t any happiness in it. “But you need to check your wounds. I don’t want to keep you long. I’m a big girl, I’ll survive.”

“Liara… I’m sorry..I, couldn’t..”

“It’s not your fault. All of this, it’s neither your fault, nor mine…”

He nodded, biting nervously his bottom lips.

“Rest well, okay? I’ll check on you tomorrow”

He got up and left silently. What a mess…

Chakwas disinfected his bruises, patched up his wounds and gave him a sympathetic smile, which he returned with bitterness.

 

* * *

“You wanted to see me?” Shepard asked, entering Garrus’s space. “Need help in your calibrations?” He joked, but his words were flat.

“Yeah…I know how people saying ‘it’s going to be okay’ is bullshit to your ears. But, it will get better. We’re going to find this asshole and gave him a lot of hell, make him cry for, as human says, for his mama”

“I think you should stop playing poker with James.” Shepard smirked.

“And miss all the good joke? Nah. By the way, Kaidan was looking for you”

“What does he want..” Shepard had a sour face.

“Don’t be like that. Probably want to comfort you. Play the sad man, he will hug you tight”

“Garrus” Shepard snorted. “Kaidan and I, are out of _Romancelandia._ ”

The Turrian shrugged. “I don’t know much about flirt and love, but I know for sure it’s the perfect moment to get dirty”

“To get dirty?” Shepard laughed

“Er…That’s not what I meant. Forget it”

“Thanks Garrus. And..!” He raised his index in a scolding way.

“I know. Don’t talk about your flaws until you get married. Silly me.” He smirked.

“Or else, Tali….” Shepard said with malice and went out, leaving a gapping Garrus behind. Owned, you.

**                                            

He went to the engineering room where Kaidan was. He saluted grimly the others and approached Kaidan.

“You wanted to see me, Major”

“Let’s drop the professional crap, Shepard, come here” He showed a direction with his head. Shepard followed, a little surprised.

“How do you cope?” Kaidan asked.

“Fine” Shepard lied.

“Bullshit. Did he hurt you” He scrutinized Shepard head to toe.

“Just my pride. I’m physically fine, Kaidan”

“Yeah…But he was kind of….rutting on you…” Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, visibly embarrassed.

“Really? Didn’t notice it.” He lied again. Well, at least, it wasn’t his imagination, the man was really getting off by humiliating him.

“We’ll find this bastard. And I’ll teach him to keep his hands in his pocket” Kaidan shot angrily.

Well that sweet of you, he thought, but he was a big boy, he could manage lame groping.

“Kaidan, his taunts were no-” He got interrupted as he received a personal note.

“Excuse me” It was an encrypted one, signed K-L. He read it, and boiled in anger. He turned around, biotic flaring all around his body.

“You know what? I’m done with Cerberus crap! I need to find where the Illusive Man is ! And right now Major!”

“That the spirit I was looking for, Commander. The kicking puppy face, not yours” Kaidan smiled.

“EDI. Assemble all the crew in the War Room. Now. I’ll show my teeth, and shred Cerberus into pieces.”

“And I gladly help you” Kaidan assured him.

His anger swelled down. Was Kaidan finally accepting that he and Cerberus didn’t have any more connection? Could they be back together now? Of course, not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have exagerrated on Kai Leng's traits. I regret nothing.


	3. 25 degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The man roughly pushed inside him, and Shepard shut it, gripping the sheet and enjoying the touch he had once forgotten. It was a huge improvment, he will not be anymore the one guy, standing in his room, staring at the picture of a man who doesn't care anymore about him. Now, he can enjoy himself elsewhere, before giving his soul and blood to the War.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even if, you are not a lot to enjoy this story, thanks to those (5 anynomous) who took their time to read my little story and appreciated it by giving me a kudo. ^.^

Traynor and EDI knew something about Cerberus. Shepard encouraged Traynor to speak. He was getting weary of her hesitation.

“ Well..., here the thing, I might have tracked Kai Leng. But, his signal disappeared around the Horsehead Nebula.” She said.

“Jamming?” Shepard asked.

“Probably.” EDI replied. “Traynor and I will scan more thoroughly and will keep you in touch.”

“Do that. Dismiss.”

They all left. He updated all the intel he found about the Crucible, scribbled the progress on a pad and then headed to the cockpit.

“Joker. How’s damage?”

“Normandy is fine, reapers IFF working. I can’t say that for Asari, they shouldn’t have waste their time in night club. Now, Reapers are doing Salsa by crunching their heads.”

“This is no time for joke.” Shepard snarled.

“That’s the only way I can handle the stress!”

“Find another way.”

“I don’t have any news about my family. So, excuse me if I’m losing my nerves!” He wasn’t at all sorry. “And you, Shepard? How do you cope?” He asked in an accusatory tone.

“Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself.”

“That’s the problem, Commander. You pretend everything is alright. But, all the stress’s pikes, EDI recorded are saying otherwise.”

“Are you both spying on me?”

“For our defense, Anderson asked us to check on you.”

“What. Does he think I can’t handle this?” Shepard was starting to get upset.

“That’s not it! You’re just the kind of guy who could play solo.” Joker explained.

“What are you implying, Joker?” Shepard’s tone got low in a threaten way. “Make your point, quick.”

“Tell us, when you’re not okay. Don’t put yourself behind when you are the most one who needs a hand. And by Krogan’s ball, Commander! Stop jumping on the fence without us. We’re a team. If we fail, it’s not your fault. You’re not alone in this shit.” Joker scolded, making a lot of move with his arms.

“I know…”

“Yeah, but you tend to forget it. For two years, I repeated to myself, it’s my entire fault that you died!” He pointed his finger at Shepard. “It annoyed me, all that survivor guilt. I prefer to let that crap to Kaidan. If I could, I would have broken my leg and kicked the hell out of you with it in your grave.”

“Is that your way of saying you missed me, Joker?” Shepard crossed his arm and smirked.

“Shut up.” Jokers replied, but without really mean it.

EDI, who remained silent, finally spoke: “Jeff is worried about you. And with all the data I retrieved and analyzed, I noted, since the Major’s arrival: a significant amount of unsettledness. Emotional agitation, with a high rate of risk taking. Plus." She paused. "Short sleeping night, dry humor, bad mood, even after you took your coffee.”

“Wow. That’s creepy. If you are worried that my personal life may influence our victory, rest assured, it won’t. We are in the middle of the war, guys. I have to take risk or we will never succeed. I did the same thing on Torfan…”

“Yeah, and everyone died.” Joker said.

“You’re such a jerk, Joker. I’m not doing it in the same way as I did on Torfan, it was just an example”.

“A bad one” Joker shot back.

“Silence, pilot. Your Commander is speaking.” Shepard said with a friendly voice. “And dry humor? That’s impossible. Joker is the King in this category.”

“Give me back my crown.” The tension swelled down.

“I noted your uneasiness. And I’ll try to …improve myself?” He said with uncertainty.

“That was the most awkward social conversation.” Joker palmed his face.

“I should go. Go back to work.”

Edi stared at Joker, who just shrugged. As Shepard left, he overheard their discussion.

"I don’t think he had got the gist, Jeff."

"You know how he is, at least, we have tried."  


 

* * *

They were supposed to go to the Citadel. However, Edi intercepted a signal. Shepard recognized straight away the voice, it was Miranda Lawson, and she was dissuading people to go to the Sanctuary Facility, a colony for refugees. According to her looping audio log, it was a trap settled by her father and Cerberus. Shepard didn’t wait. He grabbed his gear and went to Horizon. Once arrived, they made their way in the building, discovering a lot of crashed shuttles, and a few of Cerberus troopers they got rid away. But, what was the most surprising was the presence of reaper’s goons.

“What the holy hell?” Shepard shouted, reloading his gun and head-shooting a Marauder.

“Freaks are out!” Kaidan shot, throwing a reave to Rachnis.

“Guys, watch out. Banshee at nine!” Garrus said, scurrying in a safer place.

“Are you kidding me? Wait, is that… GET OUT GUYS, TWO BRUTES!” Shepard left out of his hidden spot and waved to the brutes.

“What are you doing, Shepard?” Garrus hissed.

“Attracting their attention. We trying a three hallway, cover all the place! Get rid off the banshee first! Stay in long range and SHOOT while I play the decoy.”

“Shepard! Are you insane?” Kaidan screamed.

“This is an order, Major.”

“FINE! Commander! I’ve got your back! Garrus, get ready!” Kaidan positioned himself.

 

* * *

Kaidan and Garrus didn't know how, but they succeeded. Shepard had a victorious smile, bastard, Kaidan thought.

“That was crazy and that was stupid!” Kaidan yelled at him.

“It worked. I trusted you guys” Shepard said with a sweet smile, wiping away blood from his forehead.

“You…” Kaidan fell silent.

“Let’s move... I think the exit is in this way” Garrus said, he stared a while Shepard, and then walked away.

 

* * *

They heard gunshot and quickened their steps,finding Miranda and her father, Henry Lawson, arguing together. He was holding in hostage his other daughter, Orianna, pointing a gun on her head.

“Let her go...!” She threatened softly, as she noticed Shepard's entry, she pleaded: "He has Orianna, Shepard, don't let him go away with her."

Shepard tried the diplomatic way, and told him to go away _without_ the girl, with some innuendo, that if the man tried to do something stupid while releasing the young girl, he will hunt him down. The man, strangely believed in Shepard, and pushed away Orianna. But, Miranda, in a great anger excess, released her biotic power and made her father fly through the glass, sending him to his death.

“As if I would have accepted this!” She spat angrily, taking in her arms, her sister. “You’re late, Shepard.”

“You didn’t invite me.” He tossed her medi-gel.

She caught it and thanked him. “Let’s go Ori, you have waste enough time, in papa’s home. Oh, and Shepard, catch this!” She tossed him a device.

“What is it?”

“Want to know where that bastard of Kai Leng is? Then, here, help yourself”

Garrus and Kaidan approached quickly and grinned, well it supposed, the restless twitching of Garrus’s mandibles was a grin.

“You’re perfect Miranda” Shepard smiled at her, she waved him off.

* * *

  
They waited outside Cortez’s shuttle. Garrus was busy in a video comm’ with Tali, Shepard and Kaidan gave him space.

“Horizon, I never thought I’ll be back here” Kaidan said, taking a stroll with Shepard.

“I hate this colony…” Shepard said bitterly watching in a faraway gaze.

“We need to talk” Kaidan said gazing where Shepard was looking.

“About what” Shepard gripped tightly a ramp, in front of him.

“You.” Kaidan faced Shepard.

Shepard turned as well his face, and designated himself: “me?”

“Yeah… You said you were clinically dead. But I don’t know much... What happened?”

“Why now…”

“Because it’s here we harshly parted away. And you said in the hospital ‘you and me, that wasn’t really that’ when I asked you if we were good, remember?”

"Does it really matter to you?"

"Yeah."

Shepard puffed a long suffering sigh.

“Blue Sun and the Shadow Broker found me, or… my....” He stared at his hands. “My… I don’t know...! They found my meat..?” He was perplexed. How did he look after his death? “I don’t know how… But The Blue Suns were about to sell me to the Shadow Broker which was about to sell me to the Collectors… which means the Reapers. I was a gold mine. That’s all.”

Kaidan was utterly shocked how Shepard was considerate like mere merchandise. And, what would have happened to Shepard if he was handed to the Reapers? What kind of monster he would have turned into. A husk? Juicy meat for their Harvest? Or some kind of Super Soldier without free arbitrary?

“I didn’t know…”

“I didn’t know as well, it’s Liara and Miranda who informed me…”

“Miranda, the woman we saw earlier?”

“Yeah. She worked for Cerberus. You kind of death-glared her two years ago, Do you remember?” Shepard snorted.

“Vaguely…” Kaidan shrugged. “So, how you ended up in Cerberus’s hands?”

“How? The Illusive Man wanted me, too. It doesn’t look like it, but, I have a fine body that make people crave for it.” Shepard joked, but you could feel bitterness in his words. He was just a pawn. People were betting higher price on him, as if he was just goods. It saddened Kaidan. He regretted to be so harsh with Shepard, as if it was his fault that he died, as if it was his fault if he fell in Cerberus’s hands. Wasn’t fair for the man, he deserved better.

“And so… the Illusive Man, what kind of guy was he…”

“Well, at first, his only goal was to protect Humanity, and then, he lost sight… He got hungry by power, all this advanced technology... And I didn’t like how he used me…spreading to the whole galaxy that I was a Cerberus’s dog. As if, ‘look, I have Commander Shepard with me, so come everyone, and follow the lead…’ You see?”

“You were his trophy, and in the same time, his puppet. You didn’t know.”

“Kind of.” Shepard agreed.

“Wait…Did you say Liara?” Kaidan recalled what he said earlier.

“She was looking for me as well. And, yes, she helped Cerberus… Don’t hate on her. It’s partly thanks to her, that I’m here.”

Kaidan was kind of annoyed, he wished Liara wouldn’t have keep this as a secret to him, he was also a friend. He could have helped her or…

“Why she didn’t-” He started.

“Because you would have never agreed, mister Integrity” Shepard cut off. “She did well.”

“That’s…that’s right, by respect to your memory, I wouldn’t have, I suppose. But now, that you are standing here... I’m upset! I could have done something, anything! It’s been a lot of hell, Shepard, you know? I couldn’t cope, for 2 years. You were my red sand.”

Kaidan stared right at Shepard, who just stared at him. What that supposed to mean?

“It’s the past, Kaidan”. He hesitantly put his palm on Kaidan’s shoulder. Kaidan stared at his hand, and then squeezed it with his. “That….doctor of yours…” Shepard enquired, taking back his hand.

The biotic frowned and went rigid. But, Shepard ignored it and pursued:

“You talked about her, in your mail…”

“Oh, her?” Kaidan relaxed. “She was my psy, Shepard. We kind of hooked up together, but it didn’t work. The best remedy for me, was to bury my nose into work, not that…” He made a move in the empty air “You know date.”

“And that one you are seeing right now? It’s another…psy?” He asked in a bland tone, lingering for another touch.

“How does everyone know about her?” Kaidan asked, utterly amazed. “And to answer to your question: no, it’s not the same person.”

“Another psy?” Shepard insisted, again. Oh please, tell me it’s another. Shepard prayed silently.

“No.” Kaidan curtly answered. Well, fuck it, Shepard thought.

“And since when are you two, together?” He asked friendly, with a big fake smile.

Kaidan gave him a look, but answered.

“We met in Vancouver, but she left 2 weeks before Reapers attack Earth. I told her I was on the Citadel, so we met there. I’m relieved she’s alright, nearly get killed during Cerberus’s coup on the Citadel. She’s a smart girl, she made it throught it.”

“Good.” Shepard rolled his eyes. “Well I answered to your questions and you answered to mine. We should go back to the Normandy.”

“Are we heading to the Citadel?”

“Yeah, though we found a fuel station, we need to make a last check, before heading to their headquarters.”

“We finally found that bastard.”

“Yeah, ready to kick his ass?”

“More than eager, Commander.”

 

* * *

Back on the Normandy, Shepard paid a visit to Garrus. He sat on a bench, crossing his legs and arms.

"You just decided to sit there and watch me work?" Garrus asked, stopping his calibrations.

"I'm a mess, Garrus."

"Oh yeah?"

"Apart the fact I have to help every friggin alien just to wake up their ass about Reapers..."

"Yeah, we're losing time, but call us for help. Don't do it alone." He returned in his calibrations.

Shepard gave him a look.

"What?" Garrus asked, puzzled, stopping again his work.

"Nothing, it’s just... Lately, people are saying I’m suicidal. That's not even true, that's how I am!"

"I swear you were in your old life a Krogan" The Turian snickered.

"Yeah, probably! Only Wrex and Grunt can understand my hot head!”

"Poor Shepard, we are worried a bit too much about his safety... We are such ungrateful friends"

"Okay, okay... I get it."

“What you did… back in Sanctuary. It was a good plan, I’m used to your hot head. I just hope, you don’t get hotter for some kind of reason… like in Cerberus time.

"The hotter is it, the better it is.”

“You can’t beat me on that, I’m hotter than you. So, why are you a mess apart of all of that?"

"Still processing about Thessia, still processing about Kaidan and his new love.”

"Not this again.” Garrus growled, it was a weird noise. “He is just releasing stress, Shepard. I don't think he's in love.”

"But he does speak fondly of her.”

“I had spoken fondly of you. Does that mean I’m in love with you?”

“It's different! He speaks fondly and probably copulate with her.” He jumped on his feet. “Everybody moves on, and me I’m stuck in the middle. For all of you, it's been two years, but for me, it’s been… two days, ideally two months! I have to catch all the things I don't understand, I have those weird black out! And more I’m trying, more… it’s…” He stared back at Garrus and bite nervously his bottom lips “Sorry, I’m bothering you with this. I should go.”

“Wait, Shepard!” Garrus called him, but the human ignored him.

 

* * *

Arrived at the Citadel, Shepard let the Normandy in the hands of technicians and went to make some wandering. He bumped on Kaidan, the biotic smiled at him. They talked a little, until they encountered a woman. Shepard’s blood turned cold, he recognized her, in her petite form.

“Oh, hey Liz!” Kaidan’s face brightened.

“Kaidan, you are back! I heard about Thessia, I was so worried about you.” She said, pressing her pace to hug him. He hugged her back.

Shepard coughed, as an ‘I’m still here.’

The sentinel blushed and broke out the embrace: “Hey, Liz, this is-”

“Commander Aiden Jay Shepard. I heard a lot about you. You’re doing so much for Humanity.” She replied with a smile, extended her hand for a shake.

For a split of second, Shepard watched her clean, perfect hand, and stared darkly back at her. Then, he brought his colgate smile to her and shook her hands.

“Nice to meet you. But in normal circumstances, you should present your ID and not mine.”

She winced a little at the firm grip. Okay, that was childish of him, he shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry.” She said with a laugh, rubbing her little hand. “My name is Lizbeth-Anne Tailor, I took care of this big man.” She patted Kaidan’s shoulder. “At Huerta Memorial, and I’m happy he made it.”

“I see.” Shepard made a thin smile. “So, you are... His girlfriend or something like that.”

“Shepard…” Kaidan rubbed his forehead. “Anyway, what are you doing there, Liz? Looking for supply?”

“Not this time. I have finally a break. I had a night shift, and slept little hours at the hospital. And because my colleague is stuck on another planet, I had to take her shift, this morning as well. It’s crazy! All these people injured! The chief sent me away, before I make a medical mistake, so tired….” She said weakly.

“Hey, let me take you away for a few hours, okay? You need to relax and eat something!” Kaidan rubbed her shoulders.

“I should marry you.” She said, feeling better. Kaidan laughed softly by her statement.

Shepard felt like a third wheel, he couldn’t stand to see this. He was suffocating, so much tenderness from Kaidan, he missed this so much. Leave for 2 years, and everything was different, he might have been more happy if he finished like a Cerberus’s pet, having not those crushing feelings, he was sick, in love.

“I have to go.” His voice squeaked. He left quickly not waiting for them to answer.

He didn’t know where to go, he didn’t want the others to see him this way, which means lost… Maybe he could have some drink at the Purgatory? Yeah he’ll do that. It’s dark, nosy, a good way to numb everything and shut out yourself.

 

* * *

He drank, drank and drank, trying all kind of alien thingies, until he slurred and danced. He wasn’t a good dancer, but he didn’t care. To the left, to the right, swing your hips to the beating, move your head to the soft and alluring sound, close your eyes, and enjoy the sweet numbness kicking in your sore body. Nothing matters, just you and the music.

Then, the beating went faster. Shepard opened slowly his eyes, noticing a guy was checking him out, he rose his glass. Shepard ignored him, and gave him his back, returning in the rapid song. A moment later, an arm wrapped around him. He turned around and saw it was the same guy, a human, probably Asian, with a nice haircut. He was dancing really close to Shepard, or more like rubbing himself on his ass.

The stranger placed his hands on his hips, Shepard let him do it and put his on top of the man's hands. He went with the flow, moving and dancing, letting the man massaging his groin on his butt. He even let his head fall back on the shoulder of the man, parting his lips. Why he should stay here with a broken heart, crying for something that will never go back to him? He despised those 2 years. His moves were frantic but the man behind him slowed him down, calming his anger, just enjoying the beating, which he did. The man murmured something in his ears and smiled, Shepard nodded and they left the place.

They took the elevator and went to the upper level, towards the private apartments. They stumbled in their way on the Major, they exchanged a quick glance. But, Shepard left with the stranger without a word.

He never did it with another man than Kaidan. "Let’s change that then", he thought. The man said rubbish, like, "you’re handsome", "you have a nice firm body" while sucking on his nipples and the one that cracked him up in laughter was: "You have a greedy... hole." The man roughly pushed inside him, and Shepard shut it, gripping the sheet and enjoying the touch he had once forgotten. It was a huge improvment, he will not be anymore the one guy standing in his room, staring at the picture of a man who doesn't care anymore about him. Now, he could enjoy himself elsewhere, before giving his soul and blood to the War.

Once finished, he felt peckish and needed a copious food, but before that, he went to take a shower. When he got out of the bathroom, the man was already gone. An amount of credit was lying on the bed, too much for a simple room. Shepard shook his head “great, he took me for a whore.” then he laughed, putting the credit in his pocket.

At Apollo Café, he sat on a chair and waved to the Salarian waiter, who brought his menu. He traces his finger on the menu and searched for something not too suspicious to eat. And then, he ate, alone, but less frustrated.


	4. 20 degrees Celsius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, we fucked. He pinned me down on the bed and I nursed his dick with great ease. Is that a problem, Major?” He stared at Kaidan’s lips then his eyes, face really close that he could feel the Sentinel’s breath on his skin. “And it was good, rough, and feral, I enjoyed myself.” OR call it, vicious taunts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: Forgot to say, thanks to Pepsi76 and 6 guests (+1) for their kudos ! :)  
> I greatly appreciated, more than if you enjoyed the read ! ^.^

“I’ve intercepted a signal from another colony. They managed to save a lot of children from Triptree.” Liara said over her comm to Joker.

“Really? Perhaps, my little sister is among them. She’s a teenager… If my dad didn’t make it, then I hope she did.” He rubbed his face. “It’s awful what I’ve just said…”

“No, Joker, it’s normal. We can’t save everyone, but at least, we can hope, some survived.”  Her voice was colored with warm and confidence. What a strong girl, Shepard thought. He left them discuss, and headed to the War Room, updating one last time, the Crucible. Then, he took the elevator to the lowest level, and checked his weapons on a workbench.

“Hey, Loco…” James was fidgeting.

“James.” Shepard greeted in his commander tone, not minding much the big guy, and working on his guns and mods.

“Can I speak to you, privately?”

“You’ve finally decided to declare your love to me, is that it? I’ve been waiting.” Shepard chuckled, lifting his face.

“Pff! You wished! But not today…” He rubbed his neck. “Look…, it’s about…” He was getting nervous.

“Okay, Vega. Let’s go to my cabin.” He tidied down everything and then, they went straight to Shepard’s level. Surprisingly, Kaidan was standing there. The Major pulled away from the wall, with a very furious expression.

“I need to talk to you, Commander.” He gruffly said.

“Not now Major. I have an important meeting with the Lieutenant.”

Kaidan gave Vega a look, a dark one. The Latino boy twitched.

“Erm… I can wait. We can talk about this later.” Vega waved off. He heard about L2’s past at BAAT. How he broke the neck of a Turian, and have you seen those eyebrows when they are furrowed. So he didn’t want to anger his superior.

“You have to wait, Major.” Shepard said slowly, indicating to Vega to enter. James nodded.

Shepard walked past Kaidan, who grabbed his arm. Kaidan’s gaze was icy, his fingers tightened around his arms, nails almost digging in the flesh, giving a soft burning as a threatening and blue aura – his biotic - was floating and flaring around him. Shepard didn’t feel impressed. He raised his eyebrow and waited, expecting a word from the Major, but Kaidan didn’t say anything. He just released him and left Shepard stepping inside his cabin.

“Sorry about that” Shepard said to James, not aware of what happened outside.

“I-it’s okay…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I received a recommendation for N7.” The man replied with a shy smile.

“Wow, congratulation!”

“Thanks… However….”

“M-yeah?”

“Do you think, I can make it? How was it... for you?”

“You have to work a lot. Wake up earlier than 4 am, no drinks, no women, and no surnames, particularly the last one”.

“Dios… Okay, and what else?” Vega was nervously scratching his arm.

“You have to be the best, showing perfect physical excellence. And if they contacted you, then, you are responding to their critters.” That’s didn’t reassured the man, Shepard pursued. “James, I noticed your background was similar to mine. You had to take a hard decision, leaving your unity behind.”

“Yeah, I’m not proud of it” He admitted sheepishly.

“The Spe Ops are looking for the finest guy – Whose can take decision in a split of second. They don’t want coward that stands there, sobbing on their dead unit. They want soldiers, who use their anger and make something that can change a critical situation into advantage. So, the question is not, how’s it? The question is: are you still this man?”

“I am, Commander!” He regained some confidence.

“Good, because it’s the only thing you need, and the only thing they **want** from you.”

“I got it. I’ll enlist! You’re my model, Commander. I want to be like you” He saluted solemnly.

“Oh, please! Don’t make me blush.” Shepard laughed.

Vega watched around himself, acknowledging finally his surroundings.

“This room is too quiet to my taste, if I was you, I would have been feisty!”

“That your young Latino side talking, Lt. Now gets your butt out of my cabin, or you would like to try my bed? It doesn’t look like it but it’s hard.” He sounded flirty and naughty.

“Eeeeh, no thanks!”  Vega lifted his hands and turned around. Shepard followed him closely to the exit, laughing at his own joke. The Lt saluted again and took the elevator.

“You have finished?” Kaidan asked, emerging from his dark corner.

“Damnit Kaidan, you scared me!”

“Did you or not?”

“Yeah, what’s up with you? Someone spat in your coffee? Come in” Shepard gestured his cabin.

“What were you doing in the apartment sector?” Kaidan didn’t wait to enter the room, and just put Shepard, right, on the fact.

“Is that important?”

“It’s business.” Kaidan shot angrily.

“Everything is business to you.” Shepard snorted. “Well, I was working.”

Kaidan looked puzzled but released the tension in his shoulders.

“Really hardworking.” Shepard smiled viciously.

Well, it wasn’t totally a lie, but it was partially the truth. He did work, his booty worked a lot.

“Okay. L-Liz… told me about that man, you were with. He likes to harass people for sex. So, I stupidly thought… I’m sorry.” He scratched the upper of his brow. "Of course, you wouldn’t have done that, give him, you know…”

“You know nothing about me, Kaidan.” Shepard was annoyed by the mention of Lizbeth's name.

Kaidan was startled by the cold tone of Shepard that he lost track of what he was saying. Shepard approached Kaidan and cornered him on a wall.

“What - **I** \- am -doing- with - **my** body- isn’t -your- goddamn- **business**.”

“Shepard… Why are you… Did you…”

“Yeah, we fucked. He pinned me down on the bed and I nursed his dick with great ease. Is that a problem, Major?” He stared at Kaidan’s lips then his eyes, face really close that he could feel the Sentinel’s breath on his skin. “And it was good, rough, and feral, I enjoyed myself.”

Kaidan frowned and glowed, reversing their role. He pushed down Shepard, backing him on the wall and pressing his weight on him. His breath quickened.

“Did you really? Or is it some kind of **sick** joke? Because it isn’t funny, Shepard!” He yelled.

“I **did** it. He touched me and I came hard.” Then in a soft and alluring voice. “In his hands… In another man embrace.”

“This guy is a scumbag! How could you lower yourself like that!?” He gritted his teeth.

“He was a perfect stranger to me, and he is still is. I don’t know much about his background as your sweet little doc’ does.”

“So, you’re doing it with people you just met!? That’s -”

“That’s what? Disgusting? Yes, I’m slutting. So what? You want me to do it with Garrus? I needed a stress relief Kaidan, and I got it. Don’t lecture me!” Shepard pushed him away hard, glowing as well, and then in a mocking tone, he added. “Who do you think you are? Or better, who do you think I am!? I’m a human too, Kaidan! I’m not insensitive like people might think!” He tapped severally on his chest. “I have feelings! I have needs!” “I don’t need any lessons from you, particularly from **you**!” He shoved his finger on Kaidan.

“Errr… Commander? Sorry to bothering you.” Joker spoke on the comm. “But you might be interested. A certain Doctor Garrett Bryson, would like to speak to you, he might have uncovered important information’s about Reapers.”

“What?” Shepard shot angrily. “Where is he?”

“At the Citadel, in the scientific department. We can delay our course while you visit him.”

“It’s now, you are telling me this!?”

“Hey, not my fault! He just contacted us.”

“Okay, now leave me alone. I’m in a middle of a business!”

“You’ll not gonna say that twice to me. Joker out.” He singsong.

“Look at us…” Kaidan said sheepishly, regaining his composure. “Tearing apart, arguing for trivial matter…”

“It’s you who’s looking for fight.” Shepard accused.

“I didn’t want to upset you! I just get overwhelmed. I’m so-“

“Cut the crap! I’m done with your excuses, Alenko! Why don’t you go and have another drink with your doc’?”

“What? Are you jealous Shepard?” Kaidan asked with disbelief.

Shepard shut his mouth tightly, but to the hell with it, he opened it again. “Should I remind you that you are the one who ditched me while disregarding my feelings? But you don’t care, Alenko! Thinking only about yourself. And, you're coming here, to teach me how to behave? Well, you know, it’s you, who should revise your attitude? Now, if you will excuse me, I have an important rendez-vous.”

“Shepard, I don’t want us to break apart like that… I still want to be your friend.” He pleaded with sad eyes. “And even if you don’t want my excuses, I still feel sorry, I… I took things like granted… And pushed it on you... I...”

“Are you joking? Let’s go back to the part where you said _friend_. We will never be friend!” He smiled saying so. “Once, all of this is finished, you’ll never see me again.” He entered his cabin, but stopped. “Anyone will never see me again.” Then, he closed his door.


	5. 15 degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But, he had to wait, so he waited. He killed husks with Tali, securing the perimeter for his Commander but they were so many..., endlessly falling from the sky. Whatever was underneath the water was worth it. Well, that’s what Kaidan tried to convince himself. He felt guilty, a lot of 'what if' travelled his mind. But, he waited. He had to. Shepard promised.

Everything escalated quickly. Shit was hitting the fan, as you could say. Shepard had to meet Doctor Bryson at his laboratory. But the man got deadly shot by Hadley, his subordinate, who didn’t remember magically, what he did. Shepard wasn’t in the mood for the _I didn’t do it, It wasn’t me_ speech, so he pulled on the man’s hair with strength and kneel him down on the floor, bending him over the dead corpse of Bryson.

“Oh my god!” The man squealed. “What happened?”

“Make it easy for all of us, and tell me everything you know! I’m done with the bullshit today.”

“I swear, I don’t remember anything! I would have never done this!... Never…”

"Oh... Hadley, if only you couldn't make this difficult for all of us. He is yours." He adressed to the two C-SEC turians. They were shaking their head, so tired of people pretending to be innocent when they were caught red-hand.

 

* * *

Once the man was interrogated, which was futile. He was conducted to prison. EDI acknowledged the man as indoctrinated.

“We need to find out why he’d got silenced.”

“And we need to be careful.” EDI added.

“Are you worried about me?” Shepard smiled.

“According to your aggressive tendancies, I’ve recorded a high ra-“

“EDI, with all due of respect, I order you to shut up.”

They investigated for clues among all the scattering artifacts, and discussed vividly.

 

* * *

The Normandy traveled to Aysur, and then to Mahavid which belong to T-Ges Mineral works to find Alex Garneau. He had probably information’s about Bryson’s research.

“You have nothing to do here. Go back.” One woman said to him, as he gave up with the reception’s employees.  
And one and another one, they repeated the same lyrics, as he passed with his squad in the building.

“I know, you already told me that. Story of my life.” Shepard said sarcastically, scrutinizing the room while ignoring the empty gaze of the employees.

“That’s creepy.” James admitted in a hushed tone.

“It is certainly a Reaper behind all of this. But this one, is hiding and doesn’t act as its pair.” Jaavik conceded.

“We’ll find out, let's find Garneau.”

 

* * *

But, nothing went as he thought, again. He should get used to it, but just once, he was expecting **salvation,** an easy exit. 

Garneau was indoctrinated, well, the one pretending to be him, and as the usurper -kamikaze- blew everything away, it miraculously released all the employees under the spell. They concluded the strange blue sphere which looked like -one of- the artifact in Bryson Laboratory had a connection with all the shit going on. They left the place.

* * *

 

Aboard in the Normandy, Shepard made his daily routine. He checked how everyone was doing. Eventually, he took age to decide if he should meet Kaidan. They didn’t speak to each other for a whole week. Partly, Shepard was avoiding him.

“I heard about your mission” Kaidan said in a hushed tone.

“Yeah..” Shepard stood far. As if, they were both scared to startle the other.

Kaidan made the first step and cut the distance, still respecting the personnal space. “For 10 years, those people were disconnected... They were there without being there… Even, their family thought they were dead. It could have been more if you didn’t help them. I don’t want us to finish like that, Shepard. Ten years, it’s a lot.”

Damn, Alenko. Shepard squealed inside him, his face softened. The man knew how to move his heart. He pretended not being shaken and vaguely agreed. As a peace offer, he told him to come for the next mission. Kaidan was gleeful.

 

 

* * *

As, the investigation advanced, they found Bryson’s daughter, Ann, trapped among Reapers’s goons. They saved her and retrieved all the information they needed. They headed to Despoina 18, where everything would be revealed.

“Alenko, Tali, get ready.” Shepard commanded. “Steve, the shuttle is ready? Eta 20 minutes!” He grabbed his gear.

“Wait. Now, you’re calling him by his surname?” Garrus whispered to Shepard.

“Huh? Oh, that’s right, why?”

“Just curious.” Garrus gazed upon him and noticed Kaidan intense stare towards Shepard. He turned his head quickly away.

“Hey, Shepard, let me help you to dress” Garrus said with malice.

“I’m kind of scared of your claws, Garrus. I can dress myself, thanks” He bent forward and clipped firmly his boots.

Garrus caught again Kaidan, glimpsing at Shepard bending form. “So, you and Kaidan, did the storm calm down?”

“Hm-m, kind of… For the sake of the crew, we put apart our pointless arguing. Though, we didn't really discuss about it.” He redressed his back and tapped Garrus’s shoulder. “My whining is over.” He put his mnemonic visor on his face, then turned around, grabbing his weapon and heading to the shuttle. “Let’s go guys. Garrus, later?” The Turian nodded and told them good luck, lingering his stare on the Quarian.

“Later, Garrus.” She purred.

Oh my, Shepard thought. They were releasing so many pheromones that he was surprised they didn’t yet make out.

 

* * *

In the shuttle, Shepard was staring at the dark window, his thoughts were wandering very far, that he didn’t hear Kaidan calling him out.  
The Major taped lightly his arm, startling him.

“Didn’t want to scare you, Commander.” Kaidan smiled.

“Sorry, I was… Thinking.”

“About what we might find underneath?”

“Yeah…”

“Are you alright? You look tired.” He licked his lips, Shepard mimicked the move unconsciously.

“I’m fine, Kaidan.” He lied his head on the cool surface, noticing how close the sentinel was, but say nothing.

They stood there, in silence, waiting for the shuttle to land, appreciating eachother presence.

They needed to talk. Nothing was resolved. They both knew it, but for the moment, it was enough for them.

 

However, the shuttle entered into turbulences, they stumbled and bumped on each other, losing their stance and knocking their back on the roof. They rattled loudly and landed with a lot of pain on a platform. When Shepard gathered his thoughts and opened his eyes, he found himself in the embrace of someone. He was held in Kaidan’s arms.

 

“You’re alright Commander?” Steve asked, helping Tali to get up.

“Wow, that was intense, what happened?” He redressed himself, thanking Kaidan and hiding his blush.

“We've got hit by a tough shockwave. I managed to subdue the damage, our landing wasn't that much bad, but the shuttle took a lot."

"Well, let's take this as a welcome." Shepard responded.

“But we arrived in destination?” Kaidan asked with concerned.

“Yes, we have. You can have a look while I’m repairing the little boy.”

“Then, let's go. Tali, how's your suit?”

"Some scratch, not enough deep, little risk of fever but I'll survive." She said, brushing dirt away.

 

* * *

Soon after that, they didn't have time to take a new breath as they were assaulted by a rain of goons.  
They were surrounded and had to get rid of all the enemies.

They battled their way to give some juice to the shuttle, which they dutifuly succeed as they understood their primar objective was lying under the sea. Kaidan’s heart pulsed as he had to let Shepard go under the water. He had a bad feeling, and didn’t want the Commander to go, alone, fighting, whatever was underneath.

“Shepard, please don’t go!” He pleaded, staring right at him, dropping all the professionnal protocol.

“This is the only way, Major and you know it.” The Commander simply reminded. No feels. You can't allow this. You have to keep it professionnal, even if the one standing in front of you, is refusing it.

“We don’t know what is waiting for you, there. Please, think about it.” Kaidan clenched tightly his fists.

   
Shepard heaved a sigh, to the hell to their arguing, to the hell to Liz and all the awkwardness between them.  
Kaidan was there, with a pale face, tawny eyes filled with care and fear, his body alerted and ready to protect as he did in the shuttle.  
So Shepard comforted him, in the only way he could:

  
“I’ll be back, I promise. Wait for me.”

"But Shepard…"

“It’s going to be okay. You’ll see me again. And then, you’ll scold me, and call me a stupid. Can’t miss another arguing with my booty Major.”

Kaidan chocked a laugh and reluctantly agreed to let him go.

As he stared at Shepard sinking in the cold water in the submarine machine. Kaidan’s heart clenched painfully. He didn’t like it, he thought those emotions were gone long time ago, but they never did. They were his shadow, crawling under his skin, giving him insecure thoughts. Shepard needed to come back to **him**.

But, he had to wait, so he waited. He killed husks with Tali, securing the perimeter for his Commander but they were so many..., endlessly falling from the sky. Whatever was underneath the water was worth it. Well, that’s what Kaidan tried to convince himself. And, then…

No signal. Steve lost Shepard’s track. His heart clenched.

If he knew where to go, he would have dived in the dark blue water. Yeah, if only he knew. He felt useless.

His fingers trembled on the trigger.

His throat and eyes were dried because of the salty air.

He waited, under the heavy rain. His unrelenting gaze dropping time to time on the unchained sea.

He prayed.

No Shepard.

He shot several goons.

No Shepard.

He waited. He shot. He pulled. He cursed. He tossed.

No Shepard.

It's okay. He'll be back.

No Shepard.

Where are you? He told himself. You promised to come back.

More husks. More shot. More pull. More curse. More toss.

His grip loosened.

No Shepard.

"Get a grip." Tali shouted him.

He did, releasing his biotic.

More husks.  
  
No Shepard.

Excruciating feelings not letting him go.

He felt guilty, a lot of _what if_   travelled his mind.

But, he waited. He had to. Shepard promised.


	6. 10 Degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaidan is taking care of Shepard, since Despoina 18. (p1)  
> “Or else I’ll spank you” Kaidan pointed a finger at him in a teasing way.  
> Shepard raised an eyebrow, and the whole face of Kaidan flushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to know:  
> 1 - I'm french, so I'm really sorry if you think my english sucks !  
> 2 - It's a customize Shepard: Jay (Aiden) Shepard  
> 3 - Shepard is a paragade, in my playthrough in ME1, he was kind of (not totally) an asshole, but could say something like that:  
> 'I had a bad day, don't start your shit with me' but he is not a renegade.  
> Does blowing the Council in the first game, make me a bad one? Nah. Bullshit.

Do you remember this exciting feeling when you were a kid? You know the one when you had to open your present in Christmas day. How were you eagerly anticipating what was inside the box? Well, that what Kaidan felt, as he watched emerging under the water Shepard in his submarine machine. He did it! What a relief. Shepard was back.

He would trot towards them, dodging and shooting with expertise the goons while stretching out a cheeky smile. Well….that’s what Kaidan wrongly assumed. Once Shepard was out, he hit hard the floor, bending on his knee. He probably slipped, Kaidan thought, he will get up quickly. But Shepard didn’t. And as he watched the strong man collapsing on the floor as a kingdom of cards, Kaidan’s smile faltered.

“What….” Something was wrong. Really wrong. The N7 soldier looked in pain and did nothing to avoid the two brutes which were dangerously approaching. Tali gasped and froze, not shooting anymore. You couldn’t see her face because of the mask, but you could guess her nervousness, probably trying to think logically. That it was her imagination. That the great Commander Shepard wasn't crouched down on the floor, gritting in pain.

On his side, Kaidan didn’t think. He dashed, yelling to Tali to cover his back. He will not allow this. He will not let this man _die_ **again**. He could save him. This time, he could act. He could and would do something! Anything.

Quick, quickly, quicker. He approached, throwing out of his way, husks. He didn’t understand what had suddenly gotten into the brutes. But, they were smashing together their heads, groaning and threatening each other. Were they fighting for whose going to be the first to kill Shepard? That didn’t make sense. They were just brainless puppets!

How could he know something underneath the water was helping them? He didn’t have time to think about it. He just saw an opportunity, and it was out of question to miss it.

He reached Shepard, placed a hand on his waist and directed him quickly away. But Shepard couldn’t follow his pace and stumbled on his feet. So…, Kaidan decided to lift the man, and carried him like a princess to the shuttle.

He was out of breath, but they were all alive, in safe in the flying shuttle.

“Reapers !” Steve, suddenly, screamed.

Shit! When he thought everything was going to be okay. Are we going to die here? Kaidan asked. He tried to wake up his Commander, tapping his cheeks, but no reaction.

What happened, Shepard? He questioned himself. "What happened to you!?" He shot out loud.

“Sit tight! We’re going to make it!” Steve shouted.

Kaidan squeezed tightly Shepard’s hand, it was cold. He almost broke down, his fingers were trembling. But he had to get a hold of himself. He had to, for the crew, for Shepard. He put Shepard in lateral position and stood up, walking towards Steve, ready to give any orders and left the Commander in Tali's care. Ain’t fucking reapers who’re going to destroy all Shepard’s hardship. Ain’t!

***

But, it happened again, this strange phenomenon which the Major couldn’t put a finger on it. The Reaper got cut in two, making them pass through it. Kaidan was stunned. Something was protecting them, or else, they were damn lucky.

“Let’s get out of here.” Kaidan commanded. His commander was unavailable. He had to take the lead, now.

“Yes, Major.” Steve, obediently said.

“Kaidan!” Tali yelped.

“What.”He scurried to her.

“His pulse, I can’t take it properly but according to the scan it’s low! We have to do something!” She said, as she passed her omnitool over his body.

“Okay, help me to take out his chest plate. Quickly!” He ordered to the Quarian.

He took out his own gauntlets, freed his arms while Tali was taking care of Shepard.

“Quickly, find me a blanket.” Kaidan ordered once he finished. Tali quickened her pace, as she dropped his chest plate.

“Okay, I’m going to do a CPR!” He placed his hands on the chest of Shepard and said: “Don’t you dare leaving us!” He inclined his chin, parted the lips and puffed air into his mouth. “1, 2...18... 30.” _Puff! Puff!_ “1, 2...18... 30.” _Puff! Puff!_

“Wait, with our–“ Tali was interrupted by a loud choking.

 **Cough, cough**. Shepard spurted water out of his mouth, and shook away Kaidan. His eyes were unfocused, and as much as he tried to be on guard, he failed miserably. His whole body being unsteady.

“Slow down, Shepard. It’s me.” Kaidan softened, taking him back in his arms.

“Wh-at” Shepard tried to break the embrace, but ceased his struggles as he recognized Kaidan’s face.

“You are in the shuttle, we’re heading back to the Normandy” He reassured him.

“Commander, welcome back! I have Miss Bryson on the line.” Steve said. “Can you take it?”

“Of, c-” Shepard shuddered, wiping blood from his nose, he stared at the red liquid on his fingers with a stupid fascination, like it was incredible he could still bleed.

“He’s not in state of speaking. She will have to wait.” Kaidan spat, covering the trembling body of Shepard with a blanket. “Contact the Normandy, tell them to prepare medical treatment for the Commander, CODE 1-3A.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Kaidan…”

“Goddamnit Shepard, never do that again!” He scowled.

“C-cold…” Shepard buried his nose on Kaidan metallic body, but shrieked away from the cold touch.

Kaidan took out quickly his top armor, and welcomed back the man in his embrace, warming him well with the blanket.

 

* * *

As they docked in the Normandy, Shepard tongue was less stiff and his mind less cloudy.

“They can… mind control. Reapers learnt their… ability and copy their… Form…They were… In my head… But, I’m… Fine… Fine…”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“Leviathans… I have to... report.”

“Delay it.”

“ **I can’t!** ” He raised his voice.

The shuttle’s door opened and soldiers stepped inside with a stretcher. They saluted the Major and hurried to transport the Commander.

“Chakwas, first, Shepard.” Kaidan argued back.

“Dios mio… Commander!” James ran quickly toward the stretcher, but didn’t get further to give them space.

Somehow, it annoyed Kaidan, because James was getting a bit too much close and intimate with Shepard. So, when the men left him entered inside the elevator and not Vega. The Major was all proud of his superior status and shot a smug look to the Lieutenant, before the doors shut.

 

* * *

Later, Shepard regained consciousness, and found himself in his room. He noticed a face, a smile, tousled hair, and put all the pieces together in order to understand what was in front of him. The familiar face belonged to Kaidan, and he was smiling. Shepard groaned.

“Yeah, I’m happy to see you too.” Kaidan snorted.

“What happened?” He cringed, putting his hands on a bandaged head.

“Well… You keep repeated 'report, report' and started to talk about it. We told you that could wait, but you weren’t listening. So we recorded your words and once you finished, you allowed yourself to faint...”

“Really..? Good, then. Even when I’m delirious, I still have my sense of priority.” He laughed softly.

“I’m not sure, Commander. For one moment, you started to imitate Javik and hysterically laughed, saying he was wearing purple underwear. Bunch of nonsense… If I may say.” Kaidan chortled.

“You’re kidding!”

“I shit you not.” Kaidan grinned. “Protoxide of nitrogen. In other words, some laughing gas. You were such a good entertainment. Chakwas and I never seen you laugh like this.” His smile softened.

Shepard concealed his embarrassment with both hands. “Stop making fun of me!” He whined.

“O-okay, okay. Then, how about Leviathans…? I can’t believe this story! How did you manage to do this? Do you think they will help us? God, I hope so.”

“They tried to…. Indoctrinated me…” He admitted feebly. “I fought back and ...tickled their…” He took out his hands, and relaxed on the bed.

“Their..?” Kaidan trailed off.

“Their…”

“Shepard?” He insisted, but noticed Shepard closed his eyes and adopted a sleeping posture. “Okay, Shepard. You need to rest.” Kaidan brushed a strand of hair away from his face, and arranged the cover. “EDI, warm the room.”

  
**

Next hour, Shepard was feeling better. He stirred his body and lazily yawned.

“So warm.” He closed his eyes, purring to the comfort.

“Hm mm.”

“ **SHIT**!”  Shepard raised abruptly his body, making him all dizzy.

“What’s wrong?” Kaidan was reading a pad, and placed it on the table.

“I forgot you were there.”

“Let’s pretend I didn’t hear that.” He chuckled. “You’re dripping. I’m going to clean you and bring a change of clothes.”

He stood up and headed to the bathroom. As soon as back, he was holding a basin of water, a washcloth, and a towel.

Shepard frowned. A question was hanging…

“You’re going to undress me?”

“I’m going to help you with the top but the bottom… Y-you’re going to... do it, yourself.”

He plunged his hands in the basin, and squeezed the washcloth.

Shepard didn’t regain well his full autonomy, his fingers were still quivering and his head was throbbing.

“Let me help you.”

“I can do it myself!” But still… It annoyed him to be so weak. He fumbled with his T-shirt, and got his head stuck into it. Struggling, he fell on his back and cursed, seeing it was an useless fight, he rested a moment.

“She-shepard? Are you alright?” Kaidan sank his knee on the bed, staring with befuddlement to the man.

What a view, brown and perking nipples were standing proudly, a trail of pubic hair was descending from his navel to… Oh, let’s stop the train of thought right here, okay! But, he could peek just a little, right? It meant no harm, right?

He murmured softly the name of the man, trying to control his growing erection.

“Okay… I may need help…. So could you do something, or you’re just gonna stand there? I can’t see a damn thing.” Shepard fiddled with the cloth, huffing his annoyance.

“I’m… Yeah... O-of course. Wait, I…” Kaidan stumbled on him, Shepard yelped in surprise.

“K-kaidan! What the hell?”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry Shepard! I got nervous.”

“Nervous, for what?” Shepard asked, trying to push away the man by lifting his back. “Y-you’re heavy.” He conceded weakly. He was exhausted and breathed out hard. “Shit… I’m tired… You sucked all my strength… Get off!”

Kaidan raised his body, blushing hard and helped Shepard taking off his cloth. His revealing face was red, and his eyes moist, not from embarrassment but from the fever.

"You, idiot." Shepard said, with heavy breath.

"Really sorry, let's... continue." He took the towel and laid it down, instructing the man to lie on it, which he did with a glare, still upset about the earlier weight-crush.

He cleaned pectoral, arm pit, neck, stomach, everything to his reach. Shepard’s body was feverish under the tip of his fingers, that shouldn't turn him on so much.

“I’ll take off your pants.” He said softly, licking his lips. Shepard just nodded, starting to daze off.

He unbuttoned his pants and pulled on it, revealing the man in boxer. He went to take another towel, pulled on the boxer and covered quickly his crotch. Shepard raised his legs, to give Kaidan better access, and that when the voltage went up. Kaidan stood up quickly, and said he had forgotten something. He secluded himself in the bathroom and splashed water on his face, trying to calm down his bulge. Manhandling Shepard was exciting him, oh god, he thought.

As he came back, Shepard was clumsily cleaning himself and gave him an innocent look.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing . . . Let’s dress you, okay? Don’t want your cold worsen.”

Shepard nodded, and obediently let Kaidan do the work.

“A shirt, and a loose short, like that, it will be easier to undress next time, okay?”

“Kaidan…”

“What is it?”

“Why are … You doing all of this… Chakwas or any volunteer could do it…”

“I don’t want the soldiers to see you in this state. It might frighten them, that the great Commander Shepard is such in bad shape. That why, we brought you back in your cabin, and pretended you were feeling better, when it wasn’t true…”

“You…”

“I’m sorry Shepard, you have to bear with it. You’re bringing so much hope for everyone, it’s heavy on your shoulder, even when you’re out, you still have to pretend everything is alright… I’m really sorry, we are using you.”

“It’s fine, I’m used to it...” He said softly, buttoning his shirt.

Kaidan felt like a jerk, it was unfair for the man. Who does they think they are?  
Putting all this charge onto him. No wonder, Shepard had to suck it up all the time and wouldn't share his struggles.

“I’m sorry, Jay…”

“It’s fine.” He snorted.

“Hey, look at me.” He put his hand under Shepard’s chin and lifted his face, leveling his gaze to his. “Even if you can’t show your weakness, you can still share with me, your feelings, or Garrus, Joker, Tali and Liara. We’re here for you. I have your back.”

“Will you comfort me, when I’m sad?”

“Yeah…”

“How…” Shepard sneered. “The comfort I want from you is not the same definition as yours.”

“P-probably n-not…”

“Where are you heading?” He pushed his chin away, clearly changing subject. Kaidan went along.

“To the Citadel.”

“What? No! We have to go to Cerberus headquarter!”

“Not gonna happen.”

“Why? This is an order, ED-!!” Kaidan muffled his voice, and said calmly. “Commander, this is a top priority order from Captain David Edward Anderson. As soon as he heard about your state, he ordered us to come back to the Citadel, and head to Silver Sun.”

Shepard pushed Kaidan’s hands away. “What the hell is Silver Sun?”

“I heard, it’s like a New Las Vegas 3.0.” Kaidan responded.

“Why are we heading in a festal place? Is this for a mission?”

“I don’t know much, really… So be a good boy and rest. ETA 15 hours, until we touch the Citadel. We left Despoina 18, 5 hours ago. So you’re not in state of commanding. Anderson gave me the charge of the Normandy until you are back on your feet.”

“You’re taking control?”

“I can prove it to you.” Kaidan frowned.

“No, it’s fine. For the moment, I can’t do anything. 5 hours huh …no wonder, I still feel sluggish.”

“Yeah, but, you aren’t stuttering anymore, it’s a good sign. Here, have water.” He lent a big bottle. “Once finished, go back to sleep, I’ll bring you food.”

“Yes, mom.” Shepard smiled.

“Or else I’ll spank you.” Kaidan pointed a finger at him in a teasing way.

Shepard raised an eyebrow, and the whole face of Kaidan flushed. Shepard mocked him, giggling and burying his face on the cushion. Kaidan found him adorable.

He couldn’t hold anymore. The Sentinel wanted the Vanguard. Now.


	7. 7 degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t anymore…” Kaidan sobbed.  
> "What… what are you talking about."  
> “I never loved you." Kaidan admitted to the person he thought he had feelings.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My muse wanted to try angst, but I told her,  
> "I sucked at that!" But she yelled at me "DO IT", and whipped me ;_; so I obeyed.  
> Big thanks to: Carjani, Pepsi76, eyezonlyii, rhilee91, BLACK_GEAR_026 as well as 13 guests for their KUDOS/COMMENT. <3
> 
> !!! MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!

Shepard dozed off repeatedly. It was a long time since he had so much rest. It was years, since he was also relaxed.  
His mind didn’t pull him back into the same looping dream: a dark forest, pitch-black sky; dead trees, old comrades whispering sorrow and a child who avoided him every time he tried an approach. How subtly the dream was telling him that he couldn't save everyone. He joked on that: “I’m an arsonist pedopijack.”  
  
That what he could only say, that what he could only do. This war was screwing his head, more than Torfan did.  
And the only relief he begged for, was already taken by someone else, stolen by someone else.  
  
No matter what, it was necessary to move forward. He stretched his body, and witnessed a conversation.

“Yeah, we’re docking right now. We’re staying for 2 days.”

_Bzzzt._

“Yeah! We have some errands to run on Silver Sun, that why we’re staying so long.”

_Bzzzt._

“I could use some shore leave, too. I’ll go to see you.”

_Bzzzt._

“What that noise?” Shepard growled, propping his head to the noisiness.

“Sorry, Shepard.” Kaidan raised his chin. “Liz, let’s talk later okay? Find you in, hm, 30 minutes?” Kaidan cut the line off.

“What..the…”

“Sorry, I was in a private communication with my…hum, erm, with Liz.” He rubbed the back of his neck. A nervous gesture that Shepard preferred to ignore. He asked: “Did we dock?”

“Yeah” Kaidan responded with a thin smile.

“Good, I feel better! I need food!” He pushed away the sheet and stood, wobbling a little.

“You can’t leave the ship, for the moment, Shepard.” Kaidan stood in his way.

“Why? Didn’t you tell me, we had to go the SS?” He walked past Kaidan, avoiding his grab.

“It’s for tomorrow. For today, you need to rest.” But Kaidan sidestepped quickly, blocking his way.

“I feel better, really better.” Shepard bowed to the left, Kaidan too. “And I’m hungry…” Then to the right.

Though Shepard was smiling to their little ‘catch me if you can’, Kaidan wasn’t in the mood. “I’ll bring you food. Stay here.”

In the end, Kaidan won the round and caught him easily. Shepard’s face brightened, but Kaidan had such a sour expression, that his smile faltered.

“But Kaidan…”

“Stay here!” Kaidan scolded, leaving the room.

“Are you kidding…Why you-”

“I’m serious, Shepard. Stay here!” He repeated, door closing behind him.

“What the hell? What kind of attitude is that?” Shepard tossed a cushion in the stairs. “How corny!”

**

30 minutes later, the Major came back with a lot of food in a plate.

“Why would I eat this dreadful food? When you guys, can go out and eat whatever the hell you want.” He pouted.

“It’s healthier. Look there’s even pudding.” Kaidan smiled, putting the food in front of Shepard.

“I hate pudding…”

“Really, since when? You always ate mine on the SR1…” Ah. Good, old memory.

“Doesn’t matter. Why are you bringing up the past?”

“S-orry…” Kaidan stuttered, fiddling with the cutlers.

“Anyway, thanks for the food.” He ate grumpily.  
  
Kaidan smiled fondly. “I’m amazed how quickly you recovered.”  
The N7 soldier was eating with so much energy. Although it was partly due to the anger, but he had the strength to get angry.

It's a good sign then, Kaidan thought.

“I’m half synthetic…” Shepard shot bitterly, cutting off the smile of Kaidan.

“Oh… Well, you still have a fever though.”

“Yeah… I guess it’s the human part.” He rolled his eyes.

“Okay.” Awkward. “I’m going to leave. I’ll see you …later?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Shepard waved him off.

Once, Kaidan left. He put his clutter on the tray, wiped his mouth, took out the bandage of his head and stood up. “Well, damn you Alenko. But, I’m not going to stay here, waiting for you to return from your little rendezvous.” He opened his closet and took out a casual outfit. He fastened, pulled his favorite N7 hoodie and sneakily went outside of his cabin, taking the elevator.

On his way out, he saluted some soldiers who were happy to see their Commander in good shape; overhearing in the same time their hushing “So, they didn’t lie. He’s alright!” but he ignored them.

 

* * *

Shepard was still weakling in legs. He couldn’t run if he had to, but not like it was any use on the Citadel, right? So, he headed out of the Normandy and **GASP**! Kaidan was there, talking vividly with an engineer.

“Okay, you’re cl-Shepard!?”

“Shit, Alenko….” Ah… if only he could run away, but his knee was given in. “Why are you still here…”

“Ah? The good question Commander is: ‘Why are you out of your cabin when I specifically told you to rest!’ That’s the good question! Now. Go back inside, immediately!”

“Why? No!”

“I’m in charge here. You can’t go against it!” He grabbed him by the shoulder and they entered inside, hiding in front of the others, their little quarrel. Once the elevator door closed, with them inside, Shepard yelled: “You pissed me off! Don’t I look fine to you?”

“You still have a fever, Shepard. You’ll go outside tomorrow, now go back to rest!”

“I can’t believe you!” He brought his palm on his forehead and shouted a frustrated sound. “You’re going to fuck your big boob and have fun! And me, I have to stay here, all pitiful with my headache!”

“Don’t talk about Liz, this way!” Kaidan snarled.

“Ah? Or what?” He sneered.

“Nothing.” Kaidan curtly said. “Just, don’t” He gripped tightly his fists.

“You love her so much, huh? I guess some people are lucky.” Shepard laughed, an insane laugh, startling Kaidan.

The door opened, and Shepard stormed off, voicing his displeasure: “Have fun.” He was losing it. By the end of the month, he will turn out _really_ **loco**. For sure, snoopy Edi recorded all his discontentment pikes on her terminal, and she will wave all the data on his nose.

He sighed, took out his boots and pants, keeping his hoodie, and lay down on his back.  Staring at the window ceiling displaying the infinite space, he did some breathing exercise to calm down his quick pulse.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

The pulse slowed down, his head lighten and cleared. His cabin’s door opened which he ignored.

“I’ll stay with you.” A familiar voice spoke. It was Kaidan.

What a shock. Why he would do that? He just insulted his girlfriend. Was he a goldfish? 3 sec in the aquarium and memory erased?

“Just go, Alenko. I’ll stay in my cabin. Like a good dog.” He muttered the last line.

“No. I’ll stay with you. You aren’t alone Shepard. We will both sleep together.” He grabbed the cushion on the floor that Shepard threw earlier, and disposed it on the bed.

“Huh?” Shepard wide-eyed.

“I mean …what I meant, I’ll sleep beside you. Not, you know...” He laughed awkwardly.

“Oh…Okay. Though I’m going to do an overload of rest.”

“There’s never an overload of rest for an ailing body and I have a little cold, I could use some too.”

Oh that’s right. They _sogged,_ fighting under a heavy rain. A bleak and freezing weather, the worst place. Tali, was she okay? Garrus would certainly pamper her. What a cute and lucky couple…

Shepard adjusted himself to give space to the other man. Kaidan took out his boots and lied down on the bed.

“Sorry about what I said …” Shepard apologized, though he didn’t want to. But that didn’t mean he should be an ass.

“It’s okay…”

“You know, you can say she is your girlfriend. I don’t mind that much…” Liar, that was his new nickname. He minded a lot. It hurt a lot. But he had to pretend. Kaidan just nodded.

They didn’t speak for a long moment. Kaidan shot tentatively glimpse to Shepard. The latter was in a sitting position and was just staring at his hands. The biotic didn’t know why, but just staring at the man’s figure crushed his heart. The gaze of Shepard was empty, his mind was probably somewhere else.

“Hey… How everyone knows about us?” The younger man asked out of blue, life back in the hollow of his eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you know? The crew knew you and I were together” He laid finally on his stomach, propping his chin up with a hand.

The older man lazily smiled. “Your moans were probably too loud.” He chuckled. Shepard tossed him a cushion which he easily caught.

“Yours were! You were like a wounded deer!” The N7 promptly added.

“Hey! That’s low!” Kaidan guffawed, throwing back the pillow. Shepard caught it, and laid his head on it.

They stared at each other for a while. Then Shepard broke the silence. He whispered a thank you.

“For what?” Kaidan asked, incredulously.

“You jumped on the fence and saved me. As you said you’ve got my back.”

“Always, Shepard.”

He nodded, and turned around, facing the aquarium. The room fell in silence. Fishes were happily dancing in the fish tank, the fluffy pet, Scouic, Shepard named it, though most of the time he called him out “space hamster” was turning vivdly in his wheel, you could hear the annoying screeching sound of his moves. A calm environment, which could you make forget about the War.

“Shepard, I wished you could have a normal life. That you were just a civilian I met somewhere... It will be so easier for both of us. No death in each corner. Just us, together….making love...” He whispered the last line. “What I am saying…Forget it…”

Shepard didn’t reply. Kaidan peeked over, calling him out but understood Shepard wasn’t ignoring him as he heard his snoring. He caressed gently the back of his neck, around the L5n bio amp. The sleeping figure stretched out, moaning a soft breath to the touch, but didn’t awake. He looked so vulnerable, so easy to break. Just for today, he would embrace him, protecting him closely in his arms. Just for a few minutes….while the man was unaware of it. Shepard complied and went in his arms, no struggle, all naturally, like a right piece of puzzle you found in a box, to complete the whole scenery. Perfection.

 

* * *

Ah ? Was it a dream? Kaidan wasn’t sure. Anyway, he climbed inside the shuttle and noticed him. He was smiling. Shepard was smiling, at him. He motioned him to enter, which Kaidan did, with a lot of uncertainties.  He didn’t know why, but Shepard was wearing armor, a red and black armor. Were they going in a mission? He couldn’t remember. He just noticed Shepard’s pearly smile.

Once, on the SR1, they were doing a patrol with Garrus, Wrex, Shepard and him, and Shepard had found a red armor on an abandoned colony.  He fell in love right away with it.

“What? You’re going to wear this? All your enemies will easily target you, Shepard.” Garrus, said.

“I don’t care. I have no intention to be the hider. I’m a vanguard, I go straight ahead. Never go back. I want this color to mark their minds, because it’s with this, I’ll paint their distress.” He surely was in adoration with the armor. Kind of creepy. Alluring, but still creepy.

“Huh, I like your thinking, human.” Wrex agreed. Krogans….

"You're bad at poetry. Stop it." Garrus smugly added.

Shepard’s eyes were twinkling with great interest and Kaidan was drawn to his strange person.  
He wanted this attention to be directed at him. Those eyes should plead him - those lips should spin his name - those fingers should quivered under his touch.  
Such strong desire. He never felt this, not either for Rahna.

He was infatuated. Every brush, every shy smile, mean tease – god, Shepard loved to test his attraction - were firework in his belly.

Two years after, when they met on Horizon, Shepard was wearing as well a red armor. It was the most beautiful piece he ever seen. Much better than the one he wore on the SR1. The red armor was glowing under the sun, and the eyes of the man were a vibrant green, fascinating Kaidan in his being. Shepard’s smile was wonderful, and his embrace so warm, so strong and comforting, you could rely on it.  
  
So, he let himself drawn in the sensation, rubbing his skin on his. And then, they kissed. What an incredible moment, it should last forever. He was so eager, needy, excited that he turned Shepard around and pushed him on the wall. The man, willingly, went with it. He didn’t remember when they tossed around their armor but they were both naked and humping on each other. It was marvelous.

“K-Kaidan.” Shepard moaned.

_Thrust._

“Kaidan.” The tone was getting serious. Didn’t fit the mood, but it doesn’t matter.

_Thrust._

“DAMNIT KAIDAN, WAKE UP!!”

The biotic opened painfully his eyes, groaning. He acknowledged his surroundings, Shepard’s cabin and noticed how tightly he was gripping the owner.

“Are you having fun, Major? Humping your cannon, on your Commander's buttock." Shepard asked in disbelief.

Kaidan blushed. “I-I’m sorry… I-I…”

“Was it a good dream? Ready to load a hole on my ship?” He snorted.

Yes, his length was hard, probably leaking and begging for blowing. Shepard wiggled, making Kaidan escape a sweet and faint moan. He was horny. Could he thrust one more time?

Shepard stopped right there his moves, and quirked a funny look. “Kaidan, are you….okay? You need to release me. You're poking me, it's quite uncomfortable...”

It was a bad idea. A really bad one, but he couldn’t resist…Shepard was there, smiling, though he was mocking him, but he was there, in his arms, they were entangled together. It felt so right, so good, and so real, like in the past. He lowered his face to his, staring at his lips then his eyes. He whispered a “Can I?” Shepard frowned as an answer, probably not understanding the situation. It doesn’t matter. Kaidan longed for him. He parted slowly his lips and _smoosh,_ this tingle feeling, the soft brush on dry lips. Exquisite.

“What are you doing…?” Shepard gaped, taking back his breath which he cut off when Kaidan put his lips on his. He looked so flimsy, Kaidan never seen this stare. He remained silent, kissing him again, and then Shepard passiveness turned into a rough, hungry, desperate kiss.

He shouldn’t. Kaidan reminded himself. He promised never fall again. Those feelings where he could not stand properly on his feet. It was a dangerous slope. In fact, it was more like each time, he tried to reach the surface, a foot would push him down under the flow. But now…. his fingers itched. He wanted to engulf the one, who once, dare to leave him in this state. Kaidan parted the younger man’s legs, palming his responding crotch. Shepard escaped a groan, his whole body jerking in surprise.

“I want to do you.” he said.

“I want to do you, too.” Shepard replied. His fingers went to reach Kaidan’s one. They stayed there, learning again what they made him feel good. If Shepard brushed the sensitive skin of the nape of his neck, Kaidan would be more receptive and pliant. And if Kaidan rubbed under his shoulder blade, just right in the middle of the back, Shepard would be a purring mess.

**

But, dark thoughts are like muddy water. How much you try to sterilize it, it’s still filthy, undrinkable.

“I’m scared…” Kaidan admitted, rubbing his forehead on the other man.

“Scared of what?” He groped his ass, trying to reach his anus.

“You’re going…”

“Going what?”

“You're going to leave me behind.” Kaidan impeded him to do so.

“What…”

“It’s not so simple…”

“I want you. You want me. It's simple.”

Kaidan quickly stood up, apologized, face quivering with tears.

“Kaidan… I’m here…”

“No. It was a bad idea.”

“Don’t you dare leaving me, after doing that!”

“It was a mistake!” He yelled.

 _BeeP. bEEP. Beep._ Kaidan looked over his omnitool, and meekly added: “It’s Liz…I need to take this call…”

“Really? Then, go. Go get your girl. Go have your so-called normal life. It just an illusion, I hope you choke on it.” He was weary. He didn’t have time for drama romance and unnecessary stress. Kaidan had to deal alone with his emotional state. He had to fix himself, alone, as he did in BAAT.

“I don’t know what you want from me...” Shepard pursued. “But jerking me away like that, it’s awful. I never ever did this to you. Don’t come back as my ex….Because I despise his lack of guts. Come back as the Major, at least, him, know where he is going, he knows where and how to stand." He shot with reproach. "I’m not a woman and I’m surely not going to stay there, waiting for you. Don't take me for granted!”

Kaidan left with no words.

***

“Hello?” Liz hailed, once her call was picked up.

“Hey…”

“God Kaidan, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you! It’s been 2 HOURS!” She raised her voice.

“I’m sorry…”

As she heard his feeble tone, she softened.

“What happened? Tell me?” To his silence, she insisted. “Come on, Kaidan, say something. Are you there? Are you alright? You can talk to me.”

“I can’t anymore…” Kaidan sobbed.                               

“What… what are you talking about…?”

“I never loved you, Liz….”

“What….”

“I tried to pretend that I could have a normal life if I frequent someone normal like you. But that not possible. You’re too plain…”

“I don’t understand…” She said in a broken voice. “Why are you like that Kaidan? Are you breaking up with me on the phone? That the worst thing to do, Kaidan!”

“You don’t understand! I’m in love with someone else! Someone better than you! Someone that make me feel alive!” He yelled on the comm. She shut her mouth tight, a heavy silence then…

“I’m plain, huh? I was wrong about you. You’re just a fuckin asshole! Plus, a coward!” She hanged up.

He bumped his head on the wall and breathed hard. Kaidan Alenko didn’t want to go back to Shepard, (not yet...) because if Shepard leaves again…It will be his death. He will not be able to restart everything as he did 2 years ago. Two years ago, he had a break down, he had always seen Shepard as someone unbeatable that would never die, but it happened, and his feelings were tied down. He had the terrific thought to consume red sand to forget his pain, but he pulled on his feet and found peace with himself in work. He had something to focus on. And then, Shepard came back, as if nothing happened, it pissed him off.

Do you have any idea in what shit you put me through? How psychologically broken was I? He never said those words. It wasn’t Shepard’s fault, he couldn’t blame him. But he swore he would never allow this man to enter again, his heart. He brought up a lot of excuse: integrity, Cerberus, time, Lizbeth… None worked.

Fraternity was the worst.

However, here… It was a point of no return. His heart, his core, each cells of his body screamed for the man. He didn’t even feel sorry for Liz. She was right, he was a coward. He used her.

Weeks ago, when he bumped on Shepard in the apartment section, and heard about the man who was accompanied him, his blood made one turn. He manipulated Liz, to appease his frustration. They had sexual intercourse in her room, but all his thoughts were directed on Shepard, as he came hard inside her. It aroused him to know Shepard was probably doing the same thing in another piece, but it disgusted him to be such a wicked being. It’s Shepard’s fault, he thought as he threw his frustration on the man. Evidently, that wasn’t enough. The desire was still there… The one he wanted to fill was Shepard, hell, even Shepard could fill him, he didn’t care which one was leading. The only thing he knew was, he wanted to be intoxicated once again by his delicious scent.

Shepard will be his, but he had to settle his fears, to fix his crap and all the bullshit he created. Don't listen to the back of the voice saying otherwise, he told himself. He choked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liz and Kaidan weren' supposed to break up, now. But I don't know, MY MUSE SAID, "fuck it, throw this girl out." So did I.  
> \- - - - - - - - - - - - - Next time:  
> "Commander, I need you to disguise as a pole dancer. It's a important mission. Dulcinée, will learn you how to make love on the dancefloor."  
> "Jarvis throw this salarian out of the airlock!!"


	8. 5 Degrees Celsius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You think I can’t do that. Well, you'll see…” He leaned to Kaidan’s ears, and whispered.  
> “My show will give you a raging hard-on that you will come in your pants, begging me to fuck you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys. Sorry for the delay. Story was already written, but only half of it, I finished it today.  
> Please, take note, that I'm not following 100% the (original) story (of the game), you might find a lot of differents things.  
> I think it's ridiculous to write a fanfiction following word by word, scenes by scenes what happened.  
> Better to play the game, no? Thanks again for the support ! :)

At that time, Jeff “Joker” Moreau was discussing with Steve about how they would love to pilot or just set a foot on the BOETHA-AK74, a big offensive Turian vessel for just one day. EDI’s synthetic body shuddered uncontrollably.

“Wha-? The… HELL?” Joker freaked out.

“I’m thinking.” She simply said.

“Thinking? I thought you were going nuts!”

“Was I? I understand now the feeling.” She said. Her artificial eyes squinted.

“Hey, Cortez, let’s talk later, EDI is acting weird.”

“Scale it.” Steve enquired.

“The highly creepy one.”

“Wow. Okay. Send her my regards.”

“Sure, I’ll do that.” Joker cut the line off with a smile, and then put a serious one to Edi. “Tell me, is that Shepard…?”

“Yes. I’m having weird feedback that make me feel unsettled, Jeff. What is it?”

“I’m going to be jealous you know.”

“Jeff.”

“Just kidding. It only means you care for him. You are worried and, maybe angry?” He explained.

“Maybe. We have to do something, Jeff.” She amended.

“Hmmm, let me think.” He put a hand under his chin then snapped his fingers. “I know! There is that Ryuusei Sushi Bar down in the Wards. I could go with him and eat.”

“You just want to eat fishes, Jeff.”

“Yeeeah? And I will eat fishes with my pal.”

“Yes, there is a significant amount of chances that his mood might improve.”

“Good, I’ll send him a message then. I will even pay his part! How about it?” Joker smiled at himself, he was sure Shepard would say yes.

Once the message sent, he didn’t wait any longer, Shepard already replied. “Cool that was quick.” He tipped on his omnitool.

“Let’s see.”

 - - -  - - - -

**Dear Joker,**

**How about a no.**

_Commander A. J. Shepard._

_\- - -  - - - -_

“WHAT THE HELL” Joker yelled in the cockpit. “This guy should revise his social attitude!” He put a palm over his face.  
“Damn, are we heading back to SR1 time, when he was a jackass the first time he laid his foot on the Normandy? I don’t want this!” He whined.

“It’s okay Jeff. We’ll find another way.”

 

* * *

The next day, they received a note from Admiral Hackett, the Normandy was in dry dock and needed a little TLC “tender loving care” and they should all get out, for some shore leave. He specified as well to Shepard, to go to the Wards, with an address attachment. “Did he just use the slang? TLC?” Shepard shook his head, and turned off his screen. So, they weren’t there for a mission….

It was annoying Shepard, and he knew why.  


* * *

"Jeff, Joker, Moreau.” He crossed his arms and tapped his foot on the metallic concrete floor.

“Commander Aiden, Jay, Shepard?”  Joker pivoted on his seat and grinned.

“It was you right? You sent my mood notes to the Superiors?”

“Huh?” If Joker was acting, it was the most convincing dumbfounded expression, Shepard ever witnessed.

“Wasn’t I suppose to head to the SS for I don’t know what reason? And now, I received a note saying that we are all in shore leave. Normandy on dry dock.” He stated. “And Hackett, used the friggin slang ‘T-L-C’” He quoted with his fingers.

“Huh.” Joker was getting more and more lost.                            

“Subtext, do you know what subtext is?”

“I do, but… I think, you’re overreacting. And since, we are all on shore leave. Why don’t you go out with me, FOR SUSHI?”

Shepard clicked his tongue and frowned to the empty air, then leveled his gaze to Joker, and nodded. “Okay, sushi. You pay! I need a drink too.”

“Sake, Shōchū, ocha, whatever they drink, I’m on it.”

“Good.” Shepard smiled.

“Commander.” Edi disembodied voice called.

“Hello, Edi, where is your body…?” He searched in the cockpit, no sight of her.

“I am physically discussing with Operator Traynor and Doctor Chakwas, about the real meaning of being a woman.”

“Which is….” Shepard stared at Joker, who just shrugged.

“Subdue men.” She replied all too serious.

“EDI.” Shepard scolded softly. “Anyway, what’s up?”

“Why aren’t you angry at her, as well?” Joker asked in a falsetto voice. “I bet it’s her!”

“I prefer to vent at you.” Shepard grinned while Joker growled.

“Ann Bryson would like to speak to you. She asked for permission to enter the Normandy.”

“Permission granted. We are all heading out, anyway. Gather your things and have fun.” Shepard turned on the official line of the Normandy and spoke in the speakers.

“Soldiers, out. Don’t want to see any of your sight on the Normandy. This is a top order from Admiral Hackett: we are all in shore leave until the Normandy is fully repaired. Shepard, out.”

  


* * *

He took the elevator with Joker. Edi was already at the bottom level, greeting the guest.

“Commander, I’m happy to see you are alright.” She friendly hugged him. “I heard it had been pretty rough over there.”

Shepard returned her kind gesture “Kind of, but we managed well.”

“I bet so. I have a present for you. I heard you liked it a lot, back in my father lab.” She was holding an object, covered in a towel. She unpacked it swiftly and smiled to the excitation of Shepard.

“Is it what I think it is?”

“Yes! Take it. I’m sure my father wouldn’t mind.”

Shepard took the object, and pushed a button, the thing squelched in pain “ _aaAAAah_.”

James probably told her about it, they sure got closer since the little accident. Shepard had to extend the telepath communication with the Leviathan by using Ann, causing the woman a bleeding nose. He got so caught up in the situation that he didn’t care about the pain he was causing to the woman. Of course, he didn’t hold the contact until the end, but James scowled to his reckless attitude.  Shepard apologized to her.

“That’s gruesome. What the hell is that?” Garrus asked with disgust while approaching.

“That’s a zombie head, can’t see it, Vakarian?” Shepard smiled, hitting the button again, “ _aaAAAah_.” The Turian’s eyes were squinting, he shook his mandibles.

“Oh don’t worry, it doesn’t sweat, the husk is perfectly hygienic.” She assured.

“Shepard…. It’s a human head. Think over that poor man that was turned into a husk. Don’t you have any compassion for your kind?”

“That’s rich coming out your mouth!” He accused in a mock tone.

“I might have killed a lot of my kind, but only because they were lowlifes, and that thing.” He pointed a finger at the crane held by Shepard, “…is a victim.” He pursued.

“But…” Shepard frowned, staring at the husk.

“Wouldn’t it be better to kill that horror...? It’s not a circus animal.” Garrus set out.

Shepard growled. “Well thank you Garrus. Take it back.” He shoved it to Bryson.

“A-are you sure…” She was puzzled.

“Yeah, put him out of his misery…. That Turian just killed the mood.”

Joker hissed at Garrus who shot a _what_.

“O-okay fine.” She said. “Can we talk about what happened in Despoina18, then?” Shepard nodded and distanced himself from the crew while speaking with the woman.

 

Joker grumbled pushing a pad on Garrus’s crossing arms.

“What is that?” The Turian asked.

“Here, have some! You betcha be aware of it. It’s your best friend mental state!”

“What…. It is…? Those graphics are low…” Garrus was abashed while scrolling down the pad.

“Ooooh? Really?” Joker drawled sarcastically. “You see this little pick that tried to get up, it was when she gave him the gift and KA-BOUM!!!” He lifted his arms to personate an explosion. “That little pike didn’t survive, because a cer–“

“Okay, Joker. I get it. But you have to agree with me, that’s horrible thing can’t stay here.”

“Who cares about that thing!? It’s already dead!” Joker screamed, attracting Shepard’s attention, but then he went back in his conversation.

“That is an interesting concept.” Edi said, thoughtful.

“No, it’s not. It’s dead! Can’t think for itself. Brainwashed! It’s now a doll!” Joker argued back.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I’m going to give him back, the doll. Breath....” Garrus shook his head. Humans…

 

“Hey guys.” Shepard called out. “I’m going to call a taxi for Bryson. Joker, see you later at the Sushi Bar” They walked away.

 

* * *

Once parted away with Bryson, he headed to Silver Sun. He didn’t know this place, and was kind of lost. He had to ask his route to some people.  
Some humans recognized him and asked to take picture with him, he never enjoyed this, but he agreed and did the shittiest smile he could afford, but, hey, they were satisfied with it.

Silver Sun, as the name might suggest was a dark place. Most of the light was relying on neon, artificial light. It was a place vibrating of life. A lot of people were walking and chatting around. What a _belle_ illusion. But, as a soldier, it was his duty to preserve this. It was all for them, that soldiers sacrificed their lives. Like that, innocents could selfishly live, doing mundane and petty things.  
  
Some were grateful, they loved him, even aliens.

Although, 6 months ago, a Turian told him to get the hell out of his shop and “don’t forget to knock your head on the door when you’re leaving.” This hatred was due to the fact he let the first Council to die under Sovereign’s attack. Well, excuse _you_ , if I thought it was the best idea to save innocent people over a bunch of “Ah. Yes. Reapers.” He didn’t even know the people he saved were mostly humans. In the end, he was called a pro-human and sometimes a racist. Duh.

Phew…., he finally found out Anderson’s apartment, and what a surprise, he didn’t know Anderson had such a huge place, he even had a piano, a big screen, Jacuzzi…? Wow, really? It didn't look like Anderson, he was expecting from the man, old stuff, cigar, cognac, a lot of medals and photos of his comrades. Seems like you can't judge a book by its cover.  
  
Ah, that made him think, he never had a place for himself. He should probably find a cozy place, if he survives the war, and settle alone with all his gadgets, his fishes and his hamster… Yeah. And the mere thought of sharing an apartment with Kaidan was washed away quickly. Out of his system, don’t even think about it.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t hear at first the soft voice calling him out. It was Anderson, in video call. Shepard felt all emotional seeing him on the screen, but he didn’t show it, this man wasn’t his father.

“Nice place, Captain.” He said meekly.

“Thanks. I didn’t use it very much as you can see.” Anderson responded.

“Yeah…” He vaguely agreed.

“I’m handing it to you.”

Shepard quirked a questioning look. “What the hell?” It was such a shock that he dropped the formalities.

“Look, Shepard. I didn’t take care of this place for such a long time. And, I don’t care a lot. I have other priorities, so I hope that you can build a home here, when all will be over.”

“I don’t like your way of speaking. Do you intend to die?”

“Of course, not. But let’s face it… I’m not sure to come back. Not all will.”

“I'm not sure I will either. Is the situation that bad? Then, we have to head to-“

“Shepard!” Anderson scolded, making his whole body stiffening. “Listen. I received a report, you’re not in state.” He soothes his tone, dropping the commanding tone.

“Oh yeah? Well, I am!” Shepard argued back.

“No, you’re not. A true soldier has to take a day off or else he will end up as a psychotic wreck on the verge of breaking. In other words, take this gift, rest your mind, heal your heart and come back on the fence, **son**."

Ah, he used the word son... It was unfair, you cheated Anderson, he thought. “Do that for me, please.” Anderson warmed up, and fatherly smiled.

Shepard nodded meekly. “But you have to know, that I don’t appreciate that you are spying on me like this…”

“I know.” Anderson didn’t falter his smile.

“I can handle myself. It’s nothing.”

“Maybe.”

Shepard sighed, it was getting nowhere. “Be careful, Anderson. Sit tight, I’m coming with the forces.”

“As expected of the great Commander. I know I won’t be disappointed. Anderson out.”

 

* * *

He called a taxi and headed to Ryuusei, and holy hell, there were a lot of people waiting. He would never see the end of it, as he took note of the long line. But to his luckiness, a human host noticed his presence and waved at him. He bypassed the crowd, apologizing in the process. The man saluted him with his weird accent, and told him his table was ready. He stepped inside the restaurant, looking around him. Under his feet, there was an aquarium, he hoped it was enough solid, because he didn’t want to fall through it. Finally, he perceived Joker on a table, and joined him.

“Wow, Joker, I might accept your marriage proposal.” He jested.

“Really? Then, I don’t have to go on my knee.” Joker jested back.

“Yeah, you might break your kneecap.” He looked around himself. “It’s really a nice place. How did you reserve it?”

“I don’t know! I received this call, and bam, here we are. And they said I could have a reduction If I bring you along. They probably needed an ad.”

“That why you told me to come, you sneaky bastard. But that’s weird, why they need ad, this restaurant looks enough popular, don’t you think so.”

“Nope, don’t start this suspicious shit with me, Shepard. We are going to have fun, and eat! A lot of eating.” He took the menu and started reading it. “We’re going to try futomaki, oshi, nigiri, …ta-tabiko? I don’t even know what I am reading…! What those things?”

Shepard shrugged. “I may have slanted eyes Joker but that doesn’t mean I’m Asian.” He laughed.

He scrutinized the place. He should relax, why getting nervous, maybe because of his discussion early. Maybe he should share his thoughts with his friend. “Anderson wants me to chill out.”

“Good!”

“No, it’s not. How can I? When I know on Earth, it’s hell.”

“I know… Oh come on Shepard, don’t fuck this nice moment, just for a few hours, I want to forget it.” Joker lamented.

“Fine.” He changed of subject for the sake of Joker’s sanity. “I wish I could eat mayo, how long I didn’t taste some. Do you think they have some?”

“Errr, I don’t think so.”

“Damn, I’ll kill for some.” He growled softly.

“Please, don’t.”

“Mayo, on chicken.”

“Stop it.” He tossed him a bread, Shepard laughed and caught it, eating it without mercy. “You’re making me hungry for this!” Joker pursued. “I miss earth food.”

“Me too…” Shepard agreed.

“Dammit, Shepard!”

“Whoopsie.”

“Let’s change of subject, we don’t think about Earth tonight! Or anything related.”

Shepard laughed and apologized. He looked over the thick queue, narrowing his eyes. “You told me they send you a me-“

“Commander Shepard!”

Shepard was interrupted by an alliance soldier, judging by her clothes. She presented herself as Staff Analyst Maya Brooks of Alliance intelligence and told Shepard was in danger. He almost burst out in laughter. It wasn’t any news for him, even Joker agreed with that.

“I don’t think you ever had this kind of major problem!” She panicked.

" _Major_." He smiled at the word. “It always gives you trouble.” He thought about someone. Fuck a duck, it’s stupid.

“Beside Reapers, there is more major problems?” Joker asked dumbfounded.

“Yes, and if we do not do something, you will be cornered.”

“Okay. Calm down, and expla-” A glass on their table was shot, Joker yelped and went directly under the table. A lot of men in suit appeared, ready to fire on them. Shepard didn’t think twice, he pushed the table, and used it as a shield.

“Stay close to me, Joker.” He ordered the pilot.

“As if I would say hello to those guys!!” Joker shot back. “I didn’t even have time to eat fushochami..”

“Futomaki.” Shepard corrected.

“Whatever!”

He couldn’t let Joker gets hurt here. They wanted him, not the pilot.

“You have to leave.”

“Excuse you?”

“Don’t worry, I'll cover you.”

“What… But-“

He knew Joker wouldn't let Shepard alone, the survivor guilt was still hanging on his mind. “It’s for your security, and I need a decoy.” Shepard grinned.

“You asswipe! You’re going to use me!”

“Leave, how I’ll throw your ass out.”

Joker nagged “I can’t believe you are using me as a shield.” But he still moved out.  A mercenary attempted to shot him, But Shepard pulled him with his biotic power and threw him away.

 

* * *

Joker was safe, but not him. He was trapped and worst, the woman named Brooks was taken in hostage. Shepard had to save her life, he approached with a gun that he successfully snatched on a guy. But the mercenary shot at him. He dodged it, slipping on the glass floor.  ** _CRACK!_** What that noise? Oh, no, he didn’t like this. The glass floor was breaking under his weight. The man laughed, and fired more. Shepard fell through the fish-tank. Great. Thank you, jackass.

 

* * *

At that time, Joker put everyone on the same line, and warned them about the occurring danger Shepard was into. “He doesn’t have any armor, and nor bullet! I don’t think he can rely on his rusty biotic. He doesn’t use them that much. In other word, he’s fucked!” Garrus cussed and told him he will try to contact Shepard. Liara said she will try to contact her men, to pick information’s about the terrorists. EDI and Traynor had to track Shepard signal, Cortez had to get a shuttle ready, in case he had to go on the fence. James was waiting EDI signal, already geared up, as he didn’t leave yet the Normandy “Was busy doing some push up, dios, happy I didn’t leave yet!”.

Tali, on her side, said she was going with Latino boy, if they had to unshackle things. Kaidan who was about to leave the Normandy, scurrying inside and took out all his weapons. He asked where they were before the accident. Weirdly, Jaavik wasn’t in his cabin, they didn’t know where the Prothean was.

Once, the signal gave in, they went to save their dearest friend. “It’s a large zone, we’ll split.” Garrus ordered to Vega, Tali, Kaidan, and Liara. “He told me he fell through a fishtank. Here the possibility where he could be.”

“The signal was jammed, I can’t guarantee in large percentage the veracity of my analysis.” EDI stated.

“I’ll pass by the car lot.” Kaidan said, not waiting anyone to reply.

 

* * *

Shepard didn’t know if he should feel relieved or agitated, because he didn’t expect to be face-to-face to Kaidan. And damn that was pretty hot… How the man crushed the mercenaries with a biotic blow. Let’s keep the fanboying drool a secret, he reminded himself. Uncanny, he didn’t expect Kaidan, to play the smug boy, what the hell was wrong with this guy?

“Nice outfit.” Kaidan complimented, leering at Shepard butt. Shepard turned around and dropped his gaze on his cloth, not knowing, he just checked him out. It was a simple black shirt which he found on discount. Plus, he was wearing his alliance navy pants, nothing fancy. The shirt was even soaked and badly torn from his fall. Shepard arched a brow:

“Are you making fun of me?”

“What? N-no? Why would you think that?” He looked sincere.

He would have blushed and thanked him if Kaidan didn’t mention about the fish tank “I heard you fell through a fish tank, is that true?” The corner of his lips twitched, giving a lopsided smile. He was restraining a laugh. Shepard growled.

**

His confusion continued to grow as the Major was getting intimate. He had brushed lightly his arm, shoulder, the lower of his back, his way of speaking was overly friendly, his smile warmer and naughty, and the most important one, the show off. As he noticed it, he found a control panel, the door was sealed. Perhaps, he could shot it?

“Wait a minute” Kaidan impeded him to do so, and knocked gently on the glass. Inside there was a Volus, his body shuddering in the dark. He lured closely his face on the glass and asked politely to the Alien to open the gates. The little creature stammered but complied. Kaidan, stretched out a victorious smile to Shepard.

Kaidan was showing off. The N7 soldier was in distraught. Should he be pleased? Or scream in horror?

Later, they met Wrex, who came at the right time. Those mercenaries were annoying prick, and well organized, he almost got pierced like a Swiss cheese with Kaidan, but Shepard jumped in time in cover, taking with him his teammate. And then Wrex fell from the sky, really from the sky, okay, maybe from the top of a window, and threw away the men. They screamed like little pig being strangled. Good riddance.

They headed to Anderson’s apartment.

**

“Well, what a nice shore leave. At least, you are alright” Shepard said to Brooks. He didn’t know how she made it, but she got away without scratch. “Everything is alright, then.”

“Except those men who are after you” Kaidan recalled. “Let me see that gun you found, maybe we can find the retailer.”

“And ask him some information about those men, good idea Major!” So smart! Falling all over again. Shepard rummaged in his pocket and took out the gun, he handed to the Major.

The rest of the crew joined them, discussing about what the Major might have found. Liara continued the research.

**

Shepard went to find Kaidan who was warming his hands at the fireplace.

“Thank again.” Shepard simply said, approaching the man. Kaidan had a questioning look.

“In the car lot, was nice to see you there. It was pretty..ho-ah…” His mouth went agape.

“Was what? Woah?” Kaidan asked with a glint in his eyes.

He closed tighly his mouth, and reopened it. “It was horrible. I didn’t have many bullets, and my biotic was drained. And oh.., if Garrus didn’t teach me how to overload shields, and if…you didn’t teach me how to reave, I would have been dead. Again.” He babbled, nervously laughing.

Kaidan frowned. “Yeah. You need more biotic training with me. ”

“I…guess, so.”

A silence fell, Kaidan’s face turned dark.

“Don’t you dare to die” He scolded, giving him an icy glare that threw back Shepard. “Liara is looking through her connections, she might find something.” Kaidan continued, ignoring his ex, perplexed face. “We’re here for you.” He, then smiled, the creepy tone already gone. Was it his imagination…?

**

They settled in Shepard new house, Javik joining them. The Prothean got lost in the Citadel, earlier. Fortunately, Bailey found him, and tried to contact Shepard without success. He had to stay with Commander Bailey, until Kaidan went to take him back, or, until Kaidan ordered to the Lt to retrieve the alien. Kaidan refused Shepard to go and he was tired of Vega turning around Shepard like a bee around a flower. He didn’t hate the man, really, it was just frustrating. Okay, he was jealous.

**

In the kitchen, Kaidan helped Shepard to prepare some snack for the guys. He was humming.

“You seem in good mood” Shepard said.

“It seems so.” He grinned. He scooped some peanut butter on his finger and put on Shepard nose, then laughed. Shepard blinked several times. It was getting a little too homey, a little too friendly…intimate. Let’s get the fuck out of this kitchen he told himself, taking the plate in his hands.

“I’m going to bring the plate of sandwiches. Bring the rest.” Shepard scurried away. Some laugh echoed.

“What the hell it’s on your nose, Shepard?” Joker laughed.

Joker laughed didn’t last, he made a strangled noise. Shepard probably tossed a sandwich in his mouth, because Joker retorted: “are you trying to kill me!!”

 

* * *

“Elijah Khan, the name of the retailer.” Liara stated, happy to have find the arm dealer.

“Where is he?” Shepard asked.

“At Silver Coast, it’s a casino.” Liara replied.

“That’s a striptease casino” Kaidan corrected.

“Your kind of favorite place, Alenko.” Shepard smirked.

Kaidan blushed and denied it.

“Then, let’s go. Let’s have some words with the man.” Shepard stood.

“You can’t enter his casino like this, it’s under invitation.” Brooks quickly added.

They stared at the alliance soldier and huffed. Shepard dropped back on his seat. However, Liara didn’t give up.

“A Spectre can go, whenever and wherever he wants.”

“And that will awake suspicion.” Brooks shot back.

“Let me finish.” Liara said in a confident smile. “Togem, a Salarian Specter can give us access. I already contacted him. When I said your name Shepard, he couldn’t say no.”

“Good. It’s settled then.”

**

Togem looked like a nice guy. He was easy going, relaxed, and knew what he was talking about.

“I can give you pass cards. However, it’s complicated” He rubbed his chin with his long finger.

“What do you mean?” Vega asked, eating some potato chips. Not sure, it was, because of the color and weird shape, but Shepard didn't want to cut the joy of the man.

“You want a private talk with him.” The Salarian asked.

They nodded.  
  
  
“Then, you have to set a foot in his panic room. And if Khan doesn’t know you, you can forget about a private meeting. It’s heavily guarded.”

“Great” Shepard shot bitterly.

“No worry, colleague. Khan has the finest taste. He likes his stripers, and sometimes they go inside, doing a show for him”

“Wait, wait, one of the girls has to dress like a…” Shepard asked. Everyone gazed at Liara. She was the only girl who could show some skin, or perhaps Brooks?

Togem laughed and repeatedly said: “no, no, no, not a female, not a female.”

Vega dropped his packet of chips on the floor and gaped. “You’re kidding?”

The Salarian eyed Shepard, and smiled. Shepard didn’t like it.

“Yes, yes, totally, you got it. You are a perfect match to Khan’s taste.”

“Let me go all British in your ass and tell you to sod off.” Shepard shot, without thinking. Kaidan patted his leg, probably a passive gesture to tell him to calm down.

“Not sure of the meaning, human, but have no fear, it's just a dance.” The Salarian reassured.

“Why me? I can’t even dance. Javik, throw this salarian out of the airlock!”

Javik was bemused and blinked all his four eyes in silence.

“True. He can’t dance.” Kaidan agreed. Shepard should be offended, but it’s the truth, he can’t dance.

“Why don’t you take Alenko, the second Specter?” Let’s give some shit to Alenko.

“What? No way!” Kaidan made a disgusted face.

“He’s too fat.” Togem argued back.

There was a static silence. A blue aura flicked lightly around Kaidan.

“What did you just say?” Kaidan asked in a low tone. Shepard snorted.

“Trust me. Khan will be more interested in leaner muscle, and fine athletic body. You’re too bulky.” The last line was addressed to Kaidan. Togem wasn’t afraid of Kaidan. He should be, the man had snapped the neck of a Turian.

  
Shepard laughed and crossed happily legs and arms. He was sitting to the right of Kaidan. Both were on the sofa.

“Well, I’m happy to have too much of pound on my ass if that can save me from wriggling it. I’m sure my Commander will nail it, and I want to see that.”

“Sure. Dulcinée will teach him how to dance, how to make love to the pole” The Salarian said in awe.

“Wow, I really want to see all of that.” Kaidan insisted, laughing out loud and sneering at a not amused Shepard.

“You think I can’t do that. Well, you'll see…” He leaned to Kaidan’s ears, and whispered. “My show will give you a raging hard-on that you will come hard in your pants, begging me to fuck you.”

Kaidan pupils dilated, and Shepard would lie, if by saying this, and seeing Kaidan’s reaction didn’t shot pleasure through his system.

Kaidan didn't want him to have the last word, so he retorted: "But, only if you know how to ride my pole, then I may let you." He smiled, they exchanged a long lingered stare, that Shepard broke.

Shepard was muted for an instant, his heart was beating fast, while the Salarian was blabbering about an outfit and a nickname "ButterLuscious."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Well, a true soldier has to have time off or else they'll end up a psychotic wreck on the verge of snapping. So, take that and fuck you." (ambskater97, youtube.)  
> \- - - -  
> This was a quote from a youtuber I used, it was his/her answer to some guy crictizing the DLC CITADEL, lol :)


	9. 4 Degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Major and Commander are currently doing naked socialization. Should I wait until they have finished, Doctor T’Soni.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to pepsi76, eyezonlyii, rhilee91, BLACK_GEAR_026 as well as 17 guests for their kudos :)  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter !  
> \- - -  
> Take note: I've never played Mass Effect 2 DLCS.  
> So, technically, Shepard never met the Shadow Broker, which was a Yagh.

Shepard didn’t budge, as everyone turned their attention to him.  He wasn’t even paying attention to them.  
His mind was filled with filthy desires, such as riding Kaidan’s thick pole.  
Damn….he wanted this. He missed his touch.  
  
But, the heat eased out as he thought about those goddamn 2 years.  
That goddamn woman, that goddamn ‘I don’t know **what** you are.’  
  
What Kaidan was expecting from him? What did he want? Sitting so close, playing with him in the kitchen like an old married couple, touching and talking to him so easily as if nothing bad had happened between them.

Soon, they will give blowjob to each other as a greeting. Okay, maybe not.  
  
‘What do you want Kaidan?’ He asked in his mind. ‘Who am I to you?’  
  
He knew he was _him_. Well, that what he decided, until another Shepard comes around and claims to be the real one.

But, right now, he will be the only Commander fucking Shepard.  
Just thinking about the whole mess his life was, a headache surged.

“Now, now, he is in shock.” Garrus said. “Does he really have to do it?” He asked to Togem.

“Trust me. They will eat him.” The Salarian agreed to his own statement. “But first, you have to please his friend. He is the only one who selects the clients for Khan.”

“His name?” Liara asked, a little strained.

“Marc Yoh.”

“A human.” Garrus enquired.

“No, a Yahg.”

Well that did it. Hard-on, R.I.P. Wee-wee instantly flaccid. He snapped back into attention. “A Yagh?”

“He is the only Yahg with a human name, and the only one showing slight interest in Humanity.” Togem explained.

“Why there is a Yagh on the Citadel?” Shepard was abashed. “Yaghs don’t leave their planet to go in a dancing club.”

“He is particular, and not like his pair.”

That wasn’t settling anything. “Impossible. He will know right away that I’m lying.”

“And that why you are the only one who can do this, Spectre Shepard. You know what you are doing on the field.”

“Probably, but here we are talking about infiltration. Go on the enemy fence and pretend to be someone else. I never did that.”  
He straightened his posture. “I go, I aim, I shoot, that what I’m used to. Not that.” He lifted a hand in the air.

“What choice, do you have? It’s the only way to approach Khan. Or perhaps, you don’t care that someone wants you dead, again. Is that a human thing?” Togem was irritated.

He rubbed nervously his fingers. The Salarian was right, he couldn’t deny it.  
But, how he should do this? A Yagh? A fucking Yagh, they were smart creature, smarter than Salarian, stronger than Krogan.  
They could read your body language and made you face your crappy lies.  
  
He never fought one, nor interacted with one of them. He heard rumors, and may have perceived one on Sur’kesh, but the creature disappeared after tearing apart Cerberus soldiers.  
  
He wasn’t scared of them. He was just a tad nervous that the Yagh would blow his cover away.  
Khan would flee quickly away and never shown up again.

“You’re saying he is different, in what way?” Shepard inquired, focusing his attention back.  
  
“He is a bad egg, and had to leave Parnack. He couldn’t fit among his kind. He is more into business, and has an unhealthy obsession with Humans.” The Salarian explained.

“A slight interest and unhealthy obsession, are NOT the same thing, **Salarian**.” Shepard reminded in severe tone. Everyone in the room flinched, even Togem. Wrex smiled silently.

“If one day, you tell me that a Vorcha can be an intelligent creature. I may shave my whole body, and dance naked all around the Normandy.”  
Kaidan said in disbelief. He had hard time to concede the Yagh was different of his pairs.  
They were all aggressive creatures, but somehow… “I know you can handle this, Shepard.”  
  
Kaidan trusted Shepard about this matter, and he tried to mollify the tension around his Commander.

Togem frowned. “You humans, tend to forget there are different types of people, even among the worst kind.”  
He laughed. “Although, I’m not sure about Vorchas.” Then, with an all too serious expression “They’re so stupid.”

“Alright, then. Let’s mull back over me. I need to conceal my identity right? Or else, he will recognize me, right?” Shepard said.

“Don’t worry, all strippers in the Casino wear pretty mask.” Kaidan responded with a smile.

“Dios, you know a lot about this place.” Vega said, taking back his packet of chips.  
Shepard should really tell him that’s not potatoes chips.

Kaidan fumbled and blushed, the rest of the crew chuckled. The tension cooling down, thanks to the Lieutenant.

“That’s… Vega!” Kaidan whined. “I just saw one, earlier, she was distribuying tract as we were heading to Anderson’s apartment with Wrex.”

Wrex snorted, and said: “We, Krogans never had much interaction with this specie, but they are called ‘second plague.’  
We are the first one. A sweet and uncalled name given by the Salarians.” He growled to Togem.

  
Togem just shook his head. “I’m not a scientist. Don’t start Krogan! And it was a Turian saying.” He reminded.  
Wrex snorted and said he didn’t see any difference. Under his teeth, they were all squishy.

  
The squishy alien ignored the remark and clapped in his hands.  
“I brought my equipment! My sew machine! Make up as well!”

“Make up?” Shepard frowned. “You’re going to paint my face as if I was a woman…?”

“Gyahaha, in what century you are living! You’ll have what human calls ‘a latex mask’. It’s a thin skin, with already the make-up on it.”

“Like those itchy tattoo inside bubble packet?” Joker asked, whistling to the whole set the Salarian was displaying on the table.  
Paintbrush, terry cloth, piece of leather, ribbon, bobby pin, box of make-up, and a wig…

“We only need to cover the top of your face, which the latex mask will do, and you’ll need as well a decorative mask -to fit to the dress code of the Club- on top of the latex one. And, if you lose the decorative one, you’ll have the second one, which is the latex who'll hide most of your traits. Look! So pretty and shiny!”

He shoved an ugly puddle in a plastic sack to Shepard. “I’ll draw a blue butterfly in hue on your latex, and sew a nice sequined cloth with a top leather pieces.” He took out the dark wig and combed it. “Hmmm, you’ll need this too.”

He threw the wig on Shepard, but it fell on Kaidan who quickly caught it. Kaidan put the wig on Shepard’s head and laughed.  
The later glared at him and took it out, while the Salarian rubbed his chin.

“I will contact Donna. He will braid you with long strand of hair. This wig doesn’t suit you.” Togem blabbered.  
“I’ll ask him to braid one side of your head, and let the other side go wild. Yeah I’ll do that!”

“Isn’t that a name for a girl, Donna?” Vega asked, touching the material.  
The Salarian slapped his hand.

“Donna for Donatello.”

Shepard was done. “Oookay. Why don’t you go upstairs? Vega, will help you out.”  
The Lieutenant nodded, excited like a kid. Shepard got rid of the Salarian.  
He was still blabbering. Shepard sighed to the amount of change, waiting for him.

“Well then. Who’re going to go with you?” Garrus enquired, crossing his arms.

“The place is a casino, and as an artificial intelligence, I am forbidden into per se.” Edi said.

“I could go.” Tali said. “But, I won’t be able to do much. Quarians aren’t as well welcomed because of our technological skills.  
They’ll be on my back, thinking I’m trying to steal credits.”  
  
She was a little offended by how others race perceived wrongly her kind. And she had the right to be, Shepard was.

“I can unshackle camera security, too. Don’t worry Tali.” Kaidan assured. “I’m into tech. It’s my quirk.”

“But you’re not an expert, we need someone who treats and analyzes information with great ease.” Brooks informed.

“Then, do it, Miss.” Kaidan said a little upset.

“You’re working in Alliance Intelligence. You’re in.” Shepard agreed.

“Of course.” Then she blinked and shook vividly her head. “Wait! Me? What? Huh…. No!”

“You said it yourself. We need someone who knows a lot about treating Intel without getting noticed.”

“I manage to get shot just coming to talk to you and-” She said with reproach.

“That’s the plan, Brooks. Get whatever you need and be ready.” Shepard cut her off. “Alenko, you will go as well, in case Brook needs a back-up.”  
Shepard patted Kaidan’s knee, some kind of gesture to comfort him about his skills being criticized.  
  
“Garrus, you’ll have my back, my body guard, all whore has one, right?” He grinned. “Togem will probably be my manager.”

“You’re a dancer, Shepard, not a prostitute.” Kaidan laughed softly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh because you think they are just dancing for Khan? What a delusional boy, you are.”  
He said in mockery. Kaidan raised an eyebrow. Shepard took out his hand. He forgot his hand was lying on the Major’s knee.

 

* * *

“I have a name!” Togem shot once Shepard entered the room.

“What?”

“I was hesitating, then your friend.” He pointed Vega. “Suggested me to call you simply Luscious. ButterLuscious is way too long, don’t you agree?”

“I don’t care.” Shepard sighed, waving the Lt to leave, which he did.

“Okay, then let’s keep Butterluscious”

“But you just said..”

 “I say a lot of things.” Togem said, scurrying around Shepard.

“Woah woah woah! Slow down! What the hell are you doing?” Shepard put a palm to stop the man.

“Don’t move human! I need to take your mensuration.” The Salarian growled. “Hm…You’re beefy too.” He patted Shepard’s ass.  
  
The human yelped and scowled. “Can you not just don’t do what you just did?”

“Don’t be shy. I need to put a price on the merchandise.”  
Togem said thoughtfully, while measuring Shepard’s waist. He was humming.

“Okay, go ahead… touch me.” Shepard laughed in disbelief.

“Hmmm…maybe I should give you a cap, a soldier one. For the show, you will toss it on Mister Yoh.”

“The Yagh” Shepard shuddered in horror. “Don’t tell me I have to do a lap dance for him?”

“Are you racist?” The Salarian ceased his working, blinking his big eyes to the Human.

“No. Of course, no! It’s just weirding me out…” He never felt any attraction for Aliens.  
  
Well, back in the old days, he had some feelings for Samara and Thane, probably Tali and Liara, but let’s keeps this a secret.  
And he should probably remind to Tali, not to tell to Garrus, about their little flirt on Cerberus time.  
  
Not like it was anything serious, they stopped it right away. They never kissed, never touched each other, just some flirty talk.

He even tried to be with Miranda, but she’s a human, that doesn’t count.

 

* * *

Shepard went to meet Dulcinée, alone. Some of the crew wanted to see this, but he refused.  
Anyway, Togem said no, that they were compromising the mission. A double winning for Shepard.

She -Dulcinée- taught him some trick, how to be less awkward with his body.

“The problem with you _est_ : you are only dancing with your foot” For an Asari she was speaking with a heavy French accent.  
“You’re not in harmony with the rest of your body, and that’s _mon chéri_ is regrettable.” She said in an unnecessary dramatic tone. “Look.”

She danced, and Shepard had to copy her. Each mistake he did, she would thrust her heels on his foot.  
  
  
This will be a long day. A long fucking and suffering day.

 

* * *

The day has come. Silver Coast casino.

Shepard was getting nervous. He was sitting in the back of a black shiny skycar.  
Garrus smiled to him. They did a high-five, as a mark of ‘let me give you strength.’  
  
Once, the car stopped. Garrus was the first one to step outside. He held the handle for Shepard. Shepard rolled his eyes but went with the act as he landed a foot outside.

Red carpet under each of his steps. Big clamor, people were cheering at him. What the hell?

Anyway, he tried his best to walk gracefully, as Dulcinée taught him. The pain was still relenting in his foot.  
He even had to learn how to walk with a 7 cm heeled boots. He wore a rich red coat, with dark feather.  
A beautiful butterfly was drawn on his face with wings sticking out. His hands were manicured, polished and hold by Togem, who was waving.  
The bastard had fun to showing off his creation. Shepard asked himself if the man was really a Specter. He looked more like a tailor.

**

Shepard doesn’t get it. Why there are people saluting him outside of a freaking casino, it’s not a Premiere movie. It didn’t make sense.  
Anyway he entered, and was greeted by a cute human servant who offered him a cup of champagne. He took it, and gulped some.

Garrus vanished, and Shepard was unsettled.

“Here now, princess. You did a marvelous entry! I’m sure Yoh noticed you. Go wait for me on this table. And stay in your character.”  
Togem ordered, pointing a dark spot. Shepard nodded and went to sit on the table, sipping on his champagne.

A man in deep voice saluted him. “Hello, handsome.”

“Hello” Shepard said with a thin smile.

It didn’t last long, because Togem was already back, with a big smile on his face.

“I think you’ve got the job, darling!” Togem shot a look to the stranger.  
The man lifted his both hands as a sign of surrender.

“Let’s go then.” Shepard said with a tad of nervousness.

They approached. Each step was building a knot inside Shepard’s stomach. Come on, you can do this. I’ll nail it. Kaidan said I could, so I can.  
He pushed away all his uncertainties and walked confidently, pushing his chin up.

He approached a table which looked like a poker table, heavy smoking surrounding the place.  
There were 3 males on the table. Shepard didn’t pay attention to the 2 others. The Yagh stared at him in silence and gestured Shepard to sit.  
  
Next to him, FUCK!

A man in pinkish underwear and glitter, with a red mask appeared of nowhere and took out his coat, revealing the costume of Shepard.  
The whole set of teeth of the Yagh appeared as he grinned. The two men raised their face and whistled.

And…

Shepard recognized one of the men. The Asian guy he met at the Purgatory.  
His body tensed, but he controlled it. The Yagh shouldn’t notice it.

“Well well, uncle. You’ve got a nice piece of man, today.” The Asian said to the Yagh.

“My lucky day, Zheng.” The Yagh was still grinning, his mouth stretching on his whole face. “Sit.”

Shepard sat.

What a relief. The Asian, Zheng didn’t recognize Shepard. That’s what you got, when you reap too many cherries on a tree.  
You can’t remember which branch you took your first one. Shepard concealed his snort with a hand.

“What a pretty human. He is well endowed.” The Yagh said.

You didn’t even see my face, how can you know I’m pretty…. Shepard thought, under his mask.

“Do you agree, Zheng?"

“Yes, uncle. Such a fine body is pleading for ravishmen.t”

A human calling a Yagh, uncle? Okay…. Don’t judge, Shepard.  
But it looked like those old Japanese vids, Joker showed him once, where a girl was being humped by an old man who told her to call him “oto-san” which meant, father.

“Khan will be pleased.” The Yagh stretched out an awful grin and patted the sofa, indicating to Shepard to sit closer to him.  
Shepard turned his eyes to his manager, but the Salarian just smiled and shot a “what are you waiting for”.

  
 **BASTARD**. He got _closer_.

  
Marc, even ordered him to pour him some Batarian Wine.

  
“I’m thinking about something.” The Yagh was leering at Butterluscious's flexing muscles.  
“I need to know if he is worth it, before handing him to my boss, so, could he give me a personal dance.”  
He asked to the Salarian, and then whispered in Shepard’s ears.  
  
“I’ll give you big tips if you follow me in my private cabin. Human.”

  
That it. Shepard was done. Oh joy, he was wearing a mask, because the death-glare he was shooting would compromised his cover.

  
“Uncle. Don’t be silly. I’m not sure the Boss will be pleased that you taste before him his merchandise.” Zheng scolded with a laugh.

“He doesn’t need to know.” The Yagh frowned, caressing Shepard legs, while Shepard was pouring wine in his cup.  
Shepard knew right away what the Yagh was trying to do. He remained calm, relaxing his body and smiled.

“That’s a pity. But ButterLuscious needs to perform on the scene.” The Salarian quickly added. “Please, contact your Boss immediately.”  
Shepard took the big cup of wine, crossed his legs and leaned the container to give some mouthful to the Yagh with a charming smile.  
The Yagh was gleeful and sipped in his large cup.

  
Then, he stood up, saluted and walked away with his manager.

  
“Don’t you dare lending my ass to this ugly thing.” He threatened softly to the Salarian

“Petty things, petty things, human. Now go swing those hips on the dancefloor, will I make sure Specter Alenko is doing his job.”

“And Brooks where is she?”

“She will take my place now. 3 Specters on this mission, too risky, you will be all alone. Your Turian friend will make sure the back door is secured in case it’s getting bad.”

“Okay, but you’re leaving now?”

“No, I’ll call you to get you ready to meet the Boss. After that, I’ll leave. I have now to persuade the big man not to shot in your coochie.”

“My… what…?” Shepard stopped right there his walking and felt sick. “Okay, do whatever you need to do. …Or I might snap his neck.”

The Salarian ignored his commentary. “Go dance in the champagne cup.”

“I’m sorry WHAT?” Shepard wanted to shred into pieces the Salarian’s smug attitude and then threw him out via a window.  
Okay, he had some anger issue, just, breathe, Jay, breath.

“Specter. Do it for the mission. Go and swim in the big bowl. I already told them you were coming inside it.”

Shepard gritted his tooth and eyed the big bowl. They were filling it with REAL champagne.  
He went unwillingly. “Okay, Shepard, you can do this.”

“What color?” The alien asked him, finishing the filling.

“Hum… blue?” Shepard replied uncertain. Color… What does that even mean?

The alien, which was Turian, fumbled in his pocket, and threw something in the cup, blue light were glowing inside it.  
“You can go, dance well sweet heart.”

“T-thanks.”

 

* * *

Meanwhile, Kaidan was playing in the security system. He even acted to drop any suspicious around him.  
“Where the hell is Brooks?” He asked himself. He dropped a look on the people playing cards, roulette, drinking and eating expensive things, then to the strippers.

His gaze stopped on one.  
A man, the most suave he ever seen. He was dancing in a cup of champagne.  
  
The man swung his long hair, caressing his body, pinching himself, pulling slowly on his short while licking sensually his lips.  
Some customers were leering at him, asking for a private session, or asking for his real name.

A Turian guard chased the guests, to let the stripper to get out of the cup.  
He went to pole dance. His skin and hair wet, the leather cloth and fabric short glistening.

“Don’t stare so hard, you’re going to blow a hole through him.” Garrus sneered.

“Wha-what? What are you talking about!?I wasn’t.” Kaidan reddened.

“Who knew he could swing this way?”

“He? Who? Wait, is that Shepard?” Kaidan was bemused. Garrus nodded.  
Now, he understood why his length was jumping in rhythm with the bouncing ass.  
  
“You’re kidding…That can’t be…The hair…”

“Never heard of wig? You’re drooling, let’s go nearer.”

“No wait, Garrus!” He went anyway, his heart beating fast.

 

* * *

Was it really Shepard dancing between those 2 poles? He was rubbing his back on the pole, the crack of his buttock sliding up and down between the bars. Kaidan wished he was a pole.

Then the stripper put his both hands on each pole.  
Standing firmly, the muscles and the manliness was vibrating.

Once they got in the dancer’s sight, the man bent gracefully to them.

“What the hell are you doing here, guys?” Shepard slurred. “You are going to blow my cover.”

“Oh my god, it’s Shepard.” Kaidan was dumbfounded. “You-you look good.”

“Why thank you, **Major**.” He said.

“Kaidan, didn’t want to believe it was you, and I can’t believe I was right. You are rivaling with Asari”

“I had a good _maître_. Dulcinée showed me how to be less awkward.”  
Shepard opened gracefully his legs in front of Kaidan and smiled proudly. “See?”

Kaidan nodded vigorously.

“Stunning.” Garrus said. “Learning a duck to dance, it’s stunning.”

“That was mean!” Shepard pouted but his lips twitched for a smile.

“You’re wet.” Kaidan said, witnessing a thin droplet welling under his chin.

“I was dancing in the big champagne glass, over there.” He indicated in a cheerful voice.

“Uh huh.” Garrus said slowly.

“Guys, I didn’t know I could have so much fun, and I taste good!" Shepard laughed, he looked drunk.

Kaidan frowned and stared at Garrus.

“Now, now, guys. You are abusing too much of my time. You have to pay.” He twisted his body, shoving his waist to their view.

Garrus shook his head and laughed softly. He typed on his omnitool, but Shepard prevented him.  
“No, Garrus, in the old way, in my sexy, skimpy short.”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, and I thought you knew enough about Humanity.”

“I don’t get it.” The Turian looked confused.

“He wants us to put money in paper under his cloth.” Kaidan fiddled in his pocket and took out his wallet. “I’ve got 5 old dollars Canadian, is that enough?”

“Hmm, I’m not that cheap. But I guess I can deal with it.”  
Shepard opened his legs, once again. Kaidan chocked.

“So, Major, what are you waiting for?”

Kaidan’s pants tighten. He reached Shepard low hips. He would touch the wet skin, just around the hipbone.  
He held his gaze to Shepard. It was difficult to see his expression under the mask, but he wore a mischievous smile.  
The pool in Kaidan’s heart overflowed, his length hardened. Garrus witnessed the scene silently while Shepard laughed.

Kaidan propped on his elbow on the stage and dropped a lingering kiss on Shepard mouth.  
In response, Shepard grabbed him by the collar and kissed him roughly.

“Kaidan.” Garrus said.

Kaidan ignored him.

The kiss was heating up. Their tongues were fighting for dominance, raging a battle.  
Shepard surrendered as Kaidan sucked eagerly on his lips. Then, he licked his shoulder, licking the bitter droplet of juice on the skin, biting the flesh.  
  
Shepard moaned, cradling the back of Kaidan’s head with his hand.  
  
“Kai.Dan.” Garrus repeated, in a warning tone.

Kaidan glared back at him, he was cutting off his fun, what the hell?  
So what if everyone was watching them? Free show for everyone! Enjoy.

“Shepard danced in the big bowl.” Garrus reminded.

“Yeah, so what?” He angrily said.

“Those colorful thingies are aphrodisiac stuff for Humans. It’s releasing a liquid, which is improving Asari’s biotic power, making them glow powerfully, while the human biotic feel horny and cloudy. It doesn’t last, but when Shepard’s sense will knock back, he will probably punch you on the face.”  
  
Garrus crossed his arms and continued.  
“Listen, my wise advice, my little friend. You are abusing of Shepard, he is not right in his mind. So.” He paused. “ **Back off**.”  
  
For sure, Garrus didn’t want to hear Shepard’s lamentations, back in the Normandy, hearing him hating on himself for making out with Kaidan, in public. So, the Turian thought, let’s lessened the damage before it’s too late.  
  
Kaidan frowned and gazed at Shepard.  
He was sweetly chuckling and lapping like a cat, Kaidan’s chin with his hot tongue.  
Damn it, the man was stunned, drugged on catnip. Shepard whispered lewd promises in his ears.

“Shit…” He muttered, dropping reluctantly on the floor.  “Better to be worth it… Or else.”  
He blew a frustrated sound.

“You’ll thank me later. And you may be affected. Exchange of fluids.” Garrus added. “Let’s go, you attracted enough attention.”

He drifted his gaze around the scene. Some people were whispering and taking picture.  
“We can’t just let him, here. Someone may do worse than me.” Kaidan said, cooling down.

“You’re right. Let’s put him on the couch over there.”

They darted across the mass. Kaidan dragged Shepard’s ass who didn’t want to leave the stage.

 

* * *

Few minutes later, Shepard growled, putting his head in his hands.  
“Ow. Ow. Ow. What the hell just happened to me?”

“I feel you. Are you alright?” Kaidan shoved him a glass of water.

“My amp… It’s like electricity is running through my hair restlessly. My fingers and toes are tickling, like an after orgasm, you know?”

Kaidan and Garrus coughed, while Shepard was rubbing the back of his neck.  
He chugalugged the whole water.  
  
“We’re going back to work, you can manage?” Kaidan asked.

“Y-yeah, sure. I won’t dance anymore in that stupid bowl. What’s wrong with those people drugging Humans strippers?”  
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Where is Brook?”

“I don’t know.” Garrus said. “Listen, I have to leave. I found an exit, stairs C, if anything goes wrong, head over here, I’ll secure the perimeter.”

Shepard nodded. Kaidan bent in front of Shepard, putting his palms on Shepard’s knees.

“I hacked security. I think we can sneak inside without waiting that Yagh to acknowledge your skills.” He squeezed friendly his knees.  
“Anyway, he might be him who asked to his men to drug you. Look at around you; the others Humans strippers don’t have that thing in their big glass.”

Shepard looked around himself, the Major was right.  
They didn’t. What the hell…

“Do you think he knows who I am?” Shepard asked.

“I don’t know, but let’s not wait to see it. Join me upstairs, I’ll be waiting for you, in front of the big doors.”

He nodded, scowling to the Yagh who was patting a human girl.

 

 

* * *

Brook appeared of nowhere and distracted the guards.  
They snuck inside the room, the doors unlocking under Kaidan’s skillful hands.

Once in the safe room, Shepard called out Elijah Khan, who was giving them his back.  
He was sitting on a big velvet chair.

“Mister Khan, I have some question for you.”

The man didn’t respond. Shepard repeated his name. He stared at Kaidan, who was flaring in a blue aura, ready to attack.  
Shepard approached and turned around the chair. The man was staring at him or more like the ceiling, .his mouth hanging out.

“He’s dead.” Shepard whispered. “What the hell.” He looked around. Then, he took his pulse. “He’s dead, Kaidan. The body is still warm.”

“That could only means, it’s recent.” Kaidan commented. “I shut the last camera, 20 minutes ago. Just after, we put you on the sofa.”

“Look on the camera.” He ordered softly.

Kaidan executed himself, typing on his omnitool.  
He searched for any registration of the dreadful scene, but...

“There’s nothing Commander. All the files are deleted. I don’t understand. I only shut the cameras off."  
Kaidan was bemused and started to doubt his skills. "I didn’t - How could I… I’m sorry I… I.”

“At ease, Major. It wasn’t you. Someone deleted all. Someone knew we were coming. Shit…is that the Yagh…”  
Shepard went on the personal terminal of the man. “Let’s see if I learnt well your private hacking session Major.”  
Shepard said, with a soft smile. Kaidan smiled back.

“I only gave you one lesson, back on SR1.” He chuckled.

“Tali, was a good prof, back on Cerberus.”

“Oh…”

“They wiped it. Buuuut, not enough smart. Here, there is a file of discussion in his historic."

Kaidan tried to ignore the skimpy short of Shepard not leaving much to his imagination.  
It was so low on his hips, the butt-cheeks was visible.  
The cloth was so thin, that you could easily rip it off.

"Oh wait, it’s a video comm. A video message?”  
  
Shepard clicked on the tab, the video loaded, displaying a man in the dark, with a robotized voice.  
At the same time, Brook entered the room. Shepard paused the video.

“So, did he say anything? Where is he?” She asked, all determined.

“Here, sleeping.” Shepard gestured with his head.

“N-no way… You killed him?”

“I never told you he was dead.”

“He looks dead to me with his eyes and mouth hanging like that!” She panicked to the sight of the dead man.  
Shepard shouldn’t tease her like this. She might have a heart attack.

Somehow, she looked like Liara in old times. “Relax Brooks. I didn’t, but him.”

 

 

 

**\-- Mister Khan. I have the regret to inform you that our partnership had come to a term.**  
 **I’ll deal with the target with the resources you provided me. It was really and absolutely helpful.**  
 **All Shepard belongings will be mine. **I’ll tear him apart and any of his relatives. As you understood, I'll deal with him, alone.****  
 **So, Mister Khan, this is being a little complicated between us. I hate departure, but you have witnessed a bit too much.**  
 **Good bye. --**

  
“Great, it’s a psycho.” Shepard said with a deadpan expression.

“It doesn’t scare you…” Brooks asked.

“Why should I? It’s a piece of joke. Brooks, can you track its call?”

“I can try, but I’m not-”

“Fine. Alenko, remove the drive. Edi will analyze it.”

“I’ve got it, Commander.”

 

* * *

They headed back to Shepard apartment. As Garrus mentioned it earlier, they left the place in all discretion through the stairs C.  
Edi and Brooks were analyzing the hard drive while Shepard was talking with the others about his discovery.

“Dios, it’s weird seeing you in that outfit.” Vega said, eyeing head to toe, Shepard.  
He was like a kid, discovering something unusual. “Hace calor.” He whistled.

Shepard had forgotten he was wearing this stripper costume.  
He had too much things swirling in his head.

“I’m gonna get change. Liara, contact Togem. In case, he’s looking for me.”

 

* * *

He went upstairs and crushed his body in the bed. He took out the decorative mask and tossed it somewhere.  
He nuzzled the comfy pillow and dozed off.

* * *

“Shepard.” A soft voice called him out. Shepard growled and buried his face under a pillow.

A warm hand lay on his back and shook him off softly.

“I can see your big ass, Commander, the sequined cloth don’t let much to my imagination.”

Shepard ignored it.

“I’m going to touch it, Jay.”

Only one person could call him by his first name. Kaidan Alenko.  
Shepard didn’t move. Just to see if Kaidan would do it. Did he have the guts?

The bed squeezed, as the man dived on the bed. Two big palms went on each side of his waist.  
Shepard’s heart was beating fast. And… Kaidan bite the flesh, the curvy cheek of his ass. He yelped in surprise, and turned around, dropping the pillow.

Kaidan jumped on top of him and smiled. “You thought I wouldn’t, right, Shepard?”

His pupil blew wide. “I just remembered something.”

“What, Commander?” Kaidan’s cocky smile didn’t falter.

“I hit on you at the Casino, right?”

“Oh…that, yeah.” Kaidan’s smile turned out awkward.

“Sorry.”

“I don’t m-”

“It will be bad, if your girlfriend learn this.” Shepard coldly cut him off. Kaidan frowned. “Right?”

“Are you going to tell her?” Kaidan shot in a challenging tone.  
He had broken up with her. But, he could use her, for some foreplay…  
Man, he should call her and apologize. She was a great girl, they could be friends.

“Maybe. Do you think she will believe me?”  
He didn’t notice until now, but the Major was wearing a nice black costume and shirt with a red tie.  
He took out the tie, and pulled with force on it, ready to strangle something or someone....  
“Looks like you were enjoying yourself when I hit on you. Doesn’t she satisfy you in bed, Alenko?”  
  
Shepard passed the tie behind Kaidan’s neckand pulled on it, leaving 3 cms of space between their mouths.  
They could feel the breath of each other.

“I’m gonna fuck you so hard if you keep going on, Shepard.” His breath speeded up.

The other man sneered. “I don’t think so.” He released brutally the tie, letting Kaidan get away. He let out a sharp cry of pain from the abruptness.

Shepard ignored it and continued. “Do you dirty talk with her while you are getting off?” He continued, trapping Kaidan's waist with his muscled legs. He was enjoying this.

Kaidan rubbed his sore neck. Shepard had pulled on it, too roughly. A red mark would probably appear. His whisky colored eyes stared down into emerald eyes. “Tell me, Shepard. You are thinking about that person who killed Khan, right? You’re worried.”

Shepard wide-eyed then frowned. His face turned rigid, the line of his jaw tightening. Kaidan thought it might crack.

“Tell me.” Kaidan repeated softly.

“We were fore-playing. You just killed the mood.”

“TELL ME.” Kaidan scolded. Shepard flinched to the sudden tone, but regained his composure.

“At ease. I think I should do this, alone.” He calmly said.

“Do what, this mission? No. Way.” Kaidan disagreed, firmly.

“It’s my problem. Mind yours.”

“ **No**. We are all in. Remember when he talked about your relatives? It’s not Torfan. You don’t do things alone, not anymore!  
Or else, you’re going to get killed. And I won’t allow this. Not under my watch.”

“Kaidan. Are you stupid? There is only death around me. You can’t follow my trail.”

“Mind you, I’m a soldier too. I know the risk. I read the contract when I signed up.”

“Right. You’re right. But, there are too many things at stake.”

“Deal with it. I’m on.” Kaidan smiled.

There was a pause, a soft thumb doing nice circling caress on a shoulder.  
Just to mollify the situation.

"Can I have a kiss? Just one. I won’t-” Shepard asked quietly.

Kaidan didn’t let him finish his sentence and kissed him.  
A tender one, lingering and long pecks.

He closed his eyes, letting him fall into the warm embrace. "I lo- I appreciate you. I'm glad you're back." Kaidan fumbled.  
Shepard laughed by his nose "This look like a deja-vu." He kissed back Kaidan.

Their stare lingered. Kaidan stared with hungry eyes the body of _his_ man. He lowered again his face to kiss him. Their kiss heated up, rubbing their length on each other, groaning filling the room.  
  
Then, the realization hit Shepard hard, what the hell he was doing?  
He muttered a stop between the kiss, which Kaidan ignored into the lack of strength in his words.  
Kaidan ripped off the cloth, his attitude getting rougher, needier.  
Shepard jolted in surprise, cold air hitting his shaft but quickly covered by Kaidan’s warmness.

"Kai..."

"Shhh.." He put a finger on his wet lips. “Did you shave your legs?” He asked a little startled by the smoothness of his legs as he caressed him with the other hand.

“Hairy strippers, not really aesthetic, even the armpits.” He sucked Kaidan's finger, staring back, moaning soflty.  
The Major let out a growl and kissed him roughly. Their breaths were speeding up.

  
“The Major and Commander are currently doing naked socialization. Should I wait until they have finished, Doctor T’Soni.” A robotized voice said.

  
They stopped their rutting and turned around their head.  
A blue floating ball was staring at them. Glyph. Liara’s personal A.I.

“Glyph….” Shepard said, calming his raging breath.

“Yes, Commander.”

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!” He yelled.

The blue ball complied. “Yes, Commander.”

“Stupid robot…” Shepard whined.  
Kaidan dropped his head on his ex’s shoulder, laughing in disbelief.

“Did Liara hear that? You know the naked socialization.” Kaidan asked, straighening his clothes.

Shepard laid back his head on the mattress, laying a hand on his forehead.  
They were so close to do it. Sexy and steamy sex. But, nope, it had to get waste.  
There was someone, somewhere, enjoying his misadventures.

“Hey.” Kaidan called out. “I hope Togem won’t get mad. I kind of..., tore apart his best creation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. My Shepard flirted with Tali and Miranda on ME2.  
> Though, the flirting thing was an accident with Tali.  
> Shepard kissed Miranda, but didn't go further.
> 
> Should he say it to Kaidan, just to make the Major, jealous? :P  
> Have a nice week !


	10. 3 Degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yes. Shepard and I are back." It was all lies. But he had to make it happen, before the truth emerged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to say thank you to all your kudos and nice comment.  
> I wasn't supposed to post this chapter now, but clumsy me, always hit the button "post it" instead of "preview"  
> (I did this mistake twice). So, in the end, here the short chapter. I hope you enjoy, our travel isn't yet finished, and had been greatly delayed. But let's go again, the trip isn't over.

Aiden Jay Shepard was craving for Kaidan Alenko, but not just physically. He craved for an emotional attachment between them.  
That little magic between a couple that you could call: complicity, closeness, communication, **confidence**. Maybe in other circumstances, world…

But, they never said they were lovers, even before.

They had a mutual attraction, and hit it off like wild space rabbit before landing on Ilos. But, was they officially lovers?  
How do you know someone is yours when you and him, didn’t even discuss about your status?  
Wasn’t it a bit adventurous to call him ‘ex’ when you hadn’t shared something formerly? Shepard was lost.

Kaidan hauled him back into the bed and out of his wistfulness.

“What are you doing?” He asked.

“Let’s just ignore the call downstairs, for a few minutes, will you?” Kaidan pleaded, doing soft circle with his thumb on his hand.  
Shepard gazed at those little circles, the tingling sensation on his skin, the intimacy, and the alluring caresses. He pulled himself together.

“No. What the hell is wrong with you?” He couldn’t pretend everything was alright.  
Maybe they should talk. But, he didn’t know any more about what.

“What do you mean?” Kaidan frowned in confusion.

Shepard took back his hand. He has to say something. “You have a girlfriend, in case you have forgotten.” He stared at Kaidan.  
The man silently watched him, waiting. He continued. “I don’t know what kind of arrangement you agreed to go with her – I mean, if you guys are into open relationship, that’s your goddamn business.”

“Shepard, listen. Liz and I-”

“I don’t want to hear about it! I won’t be a part of it. No thanks.” He cut off harshly. “I don’t want to, you hurt too much my feelings. It’s not my fault if I ended up in a coma, and once I set a foot in front of you, you didn’t even ask me how I was doing? And you were shamelessly flirting with her before me. The only thing I’ve got since you’re back here, are questions on me, and doubt of who I am. I can’t pretend anymore that doesn’t upset me. Don’t touch me!” He slapped Kaidan’s hand who tried to reach him. “You even pointed a gun at me..” he muttered.

“Excuse me?” Kaidan asked in shock. “You were pointing one on me too, and even told me, that if you had to shoot me, you will do it.”

“I see it in your eyes too, Kaidan. You wanted to shoot me.”

“Damnit Shepard! You are complicating everyfuckinthing! Did I pull the trigger? No. I didn’t. Did I trust you on this, and let you take down Udina? Yes. THAT FUCKING WHAT I DID!”

“Lower your goddamn voice, they are downstairs.” Shepard recalled.

“You’re giving me the cold shoulder, after you heat me up?” Kaidan asked, staring at a now silent Shepard. He sighed. “I want to comfort you, and it’s the same definition as yours. He added.

Shepard was dismayed, using those words…so low.

“Get the fuck out of my room, or I swear I will knock you down. You may be stronger in biotic, but in physical I’m the best.” and went straight to the bathroom.

  
Kaidan stared silently the door jab, his face hardening. Was Shepard bipolar? Damn.  
Was it his fault if he was like that? He should apologize about doubting of his humanity.

  
He pushed on his legs and went downstairs, fighting the urge to go to join Shepard and yelling at him everything on his heart.   
As he descended the stairs, he noticed Liara. She was smiling.

“Can I talk to you, in private?” She said, pointing another piece. He nodded.  
  


* * *

Anderson’s apartment had many rooms set with rich furniture; he didn’t know the man was rich. It may have taken years to save up all this money.There was a nice settee, a big empty board looking like a big picture frame hanging on the wall. And, a long bar in the right corner, with different brands of alcohols that could make Shepard salivate. He needed a drink too, and a strong one. He sat on a stool with Liara.

“Where is Shepard?” She quirked an eyebrow to the dubious face of Kaidan.

“Taking a shower.” He pulled a glass, a random bottle, and poured some amber liquid into it.

“Glyph…told me something unusual. Are you and Shepard…?”

“What?” He clutched the glass, waiting for Liara to speak. The gulu gulu sound of the brown liquid filling his glass stopped.  
Strangely, her silence dampened into his nerves like a wet towel on dry skin, but he remained quiet, gulping his drink, the liquid was sweetly burning his throat.

She still sat there in silence, watching him drinking. He furrowed his eyebrow, hard line creeping their way out on his forehead, line of worry and too much thinking. Face at her silence, he sighed and finally gave in.  
  
“Together? Maybe. So what?” She only stared at him.  
  
The silence was annoying him.

“Well, if you don’t want to talk about it-" Kaidan said sharply.   
"How about the fact that you participated into the resurrection of Shepard, without telling me anything? That you worked for Cerberus.” 

She clenched her fingers into a fist, staring like a kid caught red hand stealing candies.

“Why keeping this a secret, Liara?” He glared at her, ignoring her puppy look. “You know what is Cerberus, what they did to some of our men Kahoku, Toombs... The awful research about supersoldiers, the dirty lab with alien experiments, what they do about witnesses. You were there with Shepard and I, when we discovered all of this on Binthu.”

“It’s not really a secret.” She finally granted him with her voice. “But I’m sure, if I had shared this with everyone, they wouldn’t agree. They had the resources. I had Shepard, vanguard of Humanity and all of races in the Galaxy, fighting against the vanguard of destruction, the Reapers, plus he is my friend, and a dear one.” Her voice took a pitch higher, her eyes watering, as she tapped  severally her finger on the table.

“They were a different branch of what we fought on Binthu. And if the operation failed, I didn’t want to set people hope too high by telling them the truth. But…, at least, I tried something. You wouldn’t even be able to touch him and talk to him, if I didn’t do that. I saved him from being extra juice for the Collectors. It was a heavy risk, but I did it.”

“Fair enough.” She was right, well kind of. It gave him a headache just thinking about Cerberus and their ‘ethic’. He sighed.

Liara huffed exaggeratedly, strengthening her cloth, then in a calm tone. “I’m glad, for both of you. Now you two can go back together, as if nothing happened.”

“I won’t agree with that. A lot happened.”

“Could you just say THANKS?” It was the first time for Kaidan, to see Liara upset, and because of his doing.

“I know what you mean. I’m sorry, Liara. I’m cranky.” He forced a smile to mean no harm.

Liara was a good friend. She was the first one to know Kaidan and Shepard were together, two years ago.  
She held an ominous obsession with him that revealed later to be love. Shepard rejected her kindly, and she took it well.

However, Kaidan knew she was still in love with him. Her gaze was always following him around, always smiling at him while he was talking to her.  
When Shepard spared her a gentle smile, some shy gestures she couldn’t get rid of -- even though she wasn’t anymore the same little girl as before, remained.

And yes, he had witnessed every little detail of their interactions. You could call him a creep, he called himself a fine observer.

“Thank for the support.” He simply added. What could he say other than that? He had upset her enough.

She stared at him as if she read through him. He shifted on his seat, feeling uncomfortable in this posture. Could she see that he was lying about Shepard and him?

“I’m really glad.” She repeated, sighing happily.

“Is that all you had to say?” He felt really nervous.

“Yes. I mean – I heard so many bad things about you, Kaidan. I mean – Like you were…jerking around Shepard. I couldn’t believe this, because it’s not the Kaidan that I know.” She said truthfully.

“I appreciate your frankness. I don’t mean any harm to Shepard. We may have quarreled a lot, but I promise I won’t let him down, not anymore.”  
He rubbed his tired face with his big palm. “We are taking a slow depart. I'll fix it. It will get better..." He said more to himself than to the Asari.

"So, tell me, Liara, was it Garrus, who told you that I was jerking him around?” His tone crackled.

She noticed it. “It doesn’t matter, anymore, right? You and Shepard are back together, and that what you should focus on. Don’t pay attention to the rest.”

“Yeah, we are back…” He whispered, taking a last mouthful of the bitter liquid.

All lies. But do you know how to kill a lie? By turning it into reality, Truth.

*

Tali was just trying to fix her capricious omnitool. She didn’t mean to overhear their tedious conversation.  
Anyway, she stood there, listening with great interest to everything. She had to tell the big news to Garrus.

Alenko and Shepard were back together. The Turian could stop now with the sour face.  
He always pretended he didn’t care about it, but since he saw the result of what Kaidan played on his friend’s mind, thank to Joker….  
  
He couldn’t pretend anymore.

  
Oh, eavesdropping. Always, shady ill-omen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I gave up this story, I didn't. I cut this part in two, because it was too long, so this one is what 1K words?
> 
> "I want to comfort you and it's the same definition as yours" See chapter 6, for reference.


	11. 2 Degrees Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things happened in the course of day for Kaidan and Shepard.  
> The biggest fear of Shepard appeared, and he doesn't know anymore where to stand.  
> But, one thing is sure... Kaidan is there, even if he had every good reasons to be suspicious.
> 
> "You know, Kaidan, I wouldn’t mind to make love with you on the field.”  
> Kaidan smiled, and definitively agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would like to thank:  
> OneEyeOnTheEventHorizon, eyezonlyii, rhilee91, BLACK_GEAR_026 and pepsi76 as well as 25 guests, for their kudos, and Carjani, Brooksterman, muchakacalambra for their lovely comment. Thank you, guys. Hope, my english is not too much broken !
> 
> And once again, some scene may differ of the (original) game. My purpose is not to repeat, what happened in the game on paper lol. Would be boring as you already played the game, but the plot is still the same. So keep reading. :)
> 
> WHAT IS A SOUL PATCH HAIR? HERE: It's a tuft of hair positioned just below the bottom lip.  
> Read more: http://coolmenshair.com/2011/12/what-is-a-soul-patch.html#ixzz3O5QeFBh1

Finally, Shepard went downstairs.  
He took out all the glittering, perfume, lipstick, cussing Togem wholeheartedly. The latex mask reddened badly his skin.  
And that annoying braided wig, it would have taken hours if Tali didn’t help him out.

Her three fingers were magic. Efficiency 100%. It is no doubt from a Geth Expert who was used to play with wires. He fastened a bland shirt, and a hoody brought by Liara, and put in a corner his armor and weapons, brought by Cortez, in case he needed to gear up.

“What you’ve got?” He asked to EDI, scratching his elbow. His body was itchy.

“A lot of significant equipment.” She replied, showing the screen.

“Whatever he is planning, it’s pretty big.” Garrus assessed.

Shepard took the pad, scrolled through the information displaying in front of his eyes. He zoomed on some part that attracted his attention.  
There were several purchases: weapons, rocket bombs, mechs, and ammunitions…

“What is doing with all of this? Is he starting a war?”

“He is coming after _you_.” Wrex expressed.

“After me?” Shepard repeated slowly. “What did I do to him? Taking all this stuff to take me down? I don’t think so. I think he is planning something bigger, I can’t be the center of this shit.” He tossed the pad on the table. The whole squad stared at him, clearly itching for a question.

“The men, he or she…hired, are called CAT6. It’s a private military corporation.” Liara stated. “They are mercenaries, even worst, they are criminals, which mean, this unknown figure is wealthy and won’t back away." Liara added like a warning.

“Or, someone is under it, and he or she is helping by bringing all the necessary for this crazy guy.” Joker completed.

Brooks turned to him and asked: “Who could it be? A politician?”

“Who knows? It can be anyone. They still have to give me back my sushi date.” Joker replied, crossing his arms.  
His futomaki, forever gone. Shepard shared his bitterness, he wanted to taste some.

“Commander Shepard.” Glyph jumped in front of Shepard, startling him. “I have recorded a rule violation, CODE S-3.0177DXA-“

“Woah, woah. Liara, what kind of seizure, your robot is having?”

“Make it short Glyph. What’s going on?” She scolded promptly.

“FA4ZS1- Yes, Doctor.” He interrupted his nonsense. “An unidentifiable individual is using Commander’s Specter access code, without the appropriate authorization at the Citadel Archives.” Everyone froze in horror. How that was possible. “Right now?” Kaidan growled.

“Yes, Major Alenko.”

Shepard and Kaidan stared at each other and nodded.

“Everyone gear up.” He turned around and went upstairs, followed closely by Garrus.

“Shepard. The Citadel Archives is a secret library. It contains a lot of hush-hush information. As a C-Sec member, I could not access to this part. And I swear, on my sniper canon, I did try.” Garrus put himself in front of Shepard to stop his track. “I have really a bad feeling. I could joke around and ask you if it’s an ex-lover you abandoned on a planet to make fun of this critical situation but-”

Shepard spared him a gentle smile. “Ease out, Vakarian. We’ll figure out.”

“Of course, we will. But, before that-”  
He sighed, the tone of his voice, was a little shaky. “No more suicidal plan. Not like you did back at the Sanctuary.”

“Garrus. Stop acting as if I was some kind of disorientated kid. I thought you were different, that you understood well how I worked. You are retrograded. Wrex will be now my best friend.”

“Shepard, this is serious-”

In the same time, Tali joined them and called out for the Turian. She had something _really_ important to discuss with him, he nodded and apologized quietly to him.

  
*

Everyone was fully dressed for duty. This time, they had separated into two teams, a ground team with Shepard, and a supportive one in the background. He objected, but they started to nag, and Shepard shut it down. Wow, they really thought he was a disorientated kid. Sometimes, he asked himself, who was holding the panty in this team.

  
*

As Brook was working in the Alliance Intelligence, it was obvious for Shepard to ask her the best way in.  
She advised for a direct breach for maximum surprise. Shepard agreed with her, his action was rubbing on her and then the whole squad started to joke about it, through the comm. How frequenting Shepard, you will end up by blowing things, making you puke your breakfast inside the mako, fighting thresher maw for dinner, and befriending Asari. The last one was from Wrex.

As they got out of their car, he asked to Brook where she went at the Casino.

“I freaked out…” She said, her eyes shifting away quickly. She looked ashamed of herself.  
“It won’t happen again. I promised.” She bent lowly her head, the gesture looked odd, unnatural.  
Shepard waved off the strange feeling. He patted her shoulders and said it was okay.

  
*

"Why you didn't tell me?" Garrus said, in a happy tone.

"The hell are you talking about." Shepard shot back, walking next to him. "Here, James!" He ordered to the lieutenant.  
James quickened his pace and took out his explosives, preparing the place for a massive blow.

"Obviously, Kaidan and you."

"Wha-"

"Hey, move out your ass, it's going to explode." Wrex shot.

They walked away quickly.

"Garrus, Kaidan and I..." They were approaching the crew. "Let's focus on the mission."

Did Garrus hear Glyph. Oh snap...

 

* * *

After, James breached the room with C4. They fought CAT6 and had to cease fire when once again, Brook was held in hostage. She deserved some slap on the back of her head, always getting caught. Her trapper stepped out of the shadow while holding her. Jay noticed something weird, his guts twisted.

The stranger had the same face like him, dark hair with some strand falling on the forehead, green slanted eyes, thin and full lips, even the facial hair was imitated perfectly, a soul patch just below his lower lip, and trailing in a straight line all along the chin.

He stood there, freezing in horror.

“Didn’t know you had a twin…” Kaidan whispered, in shock.

“I didn’t know either…” He stared at the man head to toe. The twin pushed away Brook and approached him with a conceited attitude, he looked shorter… odd.

“Who…are you?” He wanted to ask louder, but his voice died out, and ended up as a dry whisper.

“I’m Commander Shepard. And the good question is who- **you** -are.” The twin asked in return.

Shepard was lost for words. The man said he was the real what? No, that can’t be.  
He was lying. You are lying, he wanted to yell, his lips quivered, old memories jumped and flickered on the back of his eyes.

 **I don’t know what you are**. Kaidan told him, once. His eyes watered, his head hanging low.  
“Calm down”, he told to himself, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t anymore stand on his feet, and felt like crumbling down on the floor.  
But then… he felt a strong grip on his shoulder. He turned around, looking up at tawny eyes, Kaidan’s eyes.

Kaidan yelled him something. Shepard stared blankly, he couldn’t hear. Kaidan repeated.

“GET A GRIP.”

Shepard blinked firmly, and went out of his torpor.

“I don’t know who you are.” Kaidan said to the twin. “But you are certainly **not** Shepard.”

The twin laughed loudly. “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He said, waving off his cranky soldiers. They lowered their guns.  
He bent on the floor and at the same time Shepard understood that he was on his knee, clutching the floor, with Kaidan trying to lift him.

“I’m your clone. I scared you, didn’t I? You should see your face, it’s hilarious.” He relinquished a smile. “Cerberus built me, in case something went wrong with your body. I’m not the first, and certainly, not the last one. There are a lot of you, all around.”

Shepard gawked.

“Do you really think TIM, would be satisfied with one Shepard? He wanted an army of you.”

“How that possible…” He finally spoken, registering slowly the information. “Cerberus rebuilt me two years ago, how could you be already an adult?”

“I’m the perfect 2.0. I didn’t have a normal development. They had others subjects but they couldn’t stand the forced artificial growth. The others are all fetus, or 2 years old kid in stasis.” He paused.

Kaidan was still trying to lift Shepard, but the man made no effort and stayed on the floor.

“I can’t believe that you are the Adam, you look so feeble.” The clone spattered with acrimony. “Just die, will you?” He reached for Shepard, but Kaidan slapped his hand away. He laughed and stood up.

“It’s Alenko, is that it?” Kaidan didn’t answer. The clone stretched out a big smile and added: “We all know that you have chosen Alenko over that Ashley something, because you are head over heel for him. It’s no secret.”

“Shepard will never do that. If I was chosen, it’s only because it was for the sake of the mission. Tell him, Shepard.” Kaidan was annoyed by the false accusation.

Shepard didn’t spare him a look, he stood up and fell silent. Kaidan couldn’t believe this, he couldn’t believe that Shepard lied to him. All this time, he thought the man he considerate like a hero, saved him for the simple fact he was guarding the bomb on Virmire.

That if Ashley died, it was not their fault, Shepard nor him. And now, he was learning that it was a selfish act from his Commander? No way.

“Say something.” Kaidan urged him. “You are a professional soldier, Commander, you wouldn’t act on petty feelings, right?”

The rest of the crew was dead silent. Garrus stared at Shepard, not blinking. Wrex was growling, but he waited for any order from Shepard, as much he was a Krogan, he wasn’t a stupid one. James was gaping like a fish, struggling but waiting like a good boy an order from his CO. The rest, unreadable.

“See? Such bad flaw, I’m better than him. He’s better in a dumpster.” The copycat laughed.

“I’m not talking to you. Get lost!” Kaidan shot angrily. Maybe he had the same face as his lover, but that attitude…? Clearly he wasn’t the real Shepard and will never be. The real one was hanging his head low, clenching hardly his fists.

“What a pity, Alenko. I wanted to give you a chance to be by my side. I read your files. But, I guess you’re too hooked up with that idiot. Kill them.” The clone ordered, exiting the room. His men executed themselves and fired on the crew. Kaidan quickly, pulled on Shepard and took a safe spot, ready to shot.

“Are you going to just sit there, and stew in your mud?” Kaidan grilled impatiently to him.

“Kaidan….”

“Don’t Kaidan me. We’ll talk about this, later. Now, concentrate on the mission, Commander! That’s doesn’t look like you to be down like this.”

“That’s the problem, Major! You always think you know me. Stop beautifying me!” He squelched grouchily, his body flaring in a blue aura. He discharged a biotic attack on all the enemies in his sight. They flew and fell deadly, on the floor.

Few scarce steps were heard behind, he turned around and glared at a mercenary, the man convulsed, and shot his friend and then shot himself.

Kaidan was taken aback. What the heck just happened? Why did he kill his friend and himself? They were in the same board. He stared at Shepard in a horrified expression. Was it him? How did he do that? Did he control their mind? For a fraction of second, Kaidan was scared of him. A dark thought like was it really Shepard was making his way through his head. He waved it off and reached his shoulder.

Shepard softened under the caring gaze. But, Kaidan wanted to ask…. Without meaning any harm.  
How could he ask it, without upsetting, him?

“SHEPARD! We’re moving!” Garrus shouted in a high platform. “He’s getting away!”

Shepard nodded, and with a move with his hands, he told them to go. Then, he faced Kaidan and said firmly. “Shut up, Kaidan and let’s go, **Major**.”

He was startled, but he understood. Put your human feelings aside, it’s not the moment for that.  
He was glad to see his CO back, and not on his knee starting to doubt of himself. A pang of guilt made his way through his heart. It was his fault. He damaged for good Shepard.

“Lead the way, Commander. I have a great view when you are walking in front.” He joshed to ease out the tension, but the question was still hanging in his mind.

Shepard relaxed and laughed softly, reloading his gun. “What I am going to do with you.” He whispered with a smile.

Wrex coughed, or more like groaned in the background, to mark his presence.

 

* * *

Next step was a course through the Archives.

Objective: arrest the clone.  
They reached a big door heavily locked, “Only personal authorized.” Shepard used his ID, but his fingerprints weren’t recognized by the console.

“ **ACCESS DENIED.”** The mechanic voice said. He keyed again his Specter code, without success.

“It won’t let you.” The Krogan said. “Pounding it with your fists won’t either.” He added, seeing Shepard slamming the keyboard. How funny, a Krogan was telling him, that breaking things won’t solve anything.

“ **ACCESS DENIED**.” The voice repeated. He breathed heavily, and tapped roughly again on the console.  
It wasn’t really the console who was nerve-wracking him. It was the fact, Cerberus dared to use his DNA to their own convenience, as if they owned him.

Kaidan noticed his edginess and hold his hands, stroking it. “Calm down. Let me do it, I’ll use mine.” He nodded and let the Major typed his codes.

The door, finally opened.

  
Far away, Brook hollered at them: “Here! Quickly!” They quickened their pace, but once they entered in the room, she disappeared.  
They called out for her, but she was nowhere to be found. And then, a sizzling blue light blazed right in front of them. They closed their eyes, and once they opened it again, they were imprisoned in an electrical field. Wrex was standing outside of it, but he couldn’t reach them. And then, the clone appeared, shaking his head.

“You’re such a disappointment. Falling so easily in our trap.”

“Our…?” Shepard asked cautiously.

“Our.” Brook repeated, appearing next to the clone. She waved at them and smiled sweetly at the clone.

“Why I am not surprised.” Shepard crossed his arms, rolling his eyes.

“You expected this?” She sneered.

“Falling so many times in the hands of the enemy, too shady or too…stupid, even for a rookie.” Shepard explained bitterly.

“And yet, you didn’t see THAT, coming.” She gestured blithely the trap they were caged in. Wrex knocked on the barrier with his whole body, but he couldn’t break it.

“Get rid of this Krogan.” Shepard 2.0 ordered to Brooks. She nodded and clicked on a console, the floor opened under Wrex and he fell off.

“WREX!” Shepard shouted, tapping on the barrier. He glared at them both, threatening to cut their heads off, and put them both on a pike.

“Count me in.” Kaidan agreed.

“I don’t care about the white lie of a soon dead man, Adam.” The clone declared. “Kai Leng, will be pleased of me.”

Well, THAT was a surprise.

“Kai Leng? You’re working for him?” Kaidan asked heatedly.

“Not really, but **if** , I succeed here, he will acknowledge my existence. He doubts of me as I’m a pale imitation, but I will show him, I will show him that I can beat you, Adam.”

“Stop calling me that!” Shepard snapped.

The replica typed on his omnitool, and Leng appeared on the hologram.

“What?” The Cerberus soldier peeved.

“Calm down, sweetheart. I have the object of your attention, and I will dispose of it. Look.” He switched the camera angle, and Leng noticed them.

 “I’m surprised by your abilities.” Though he said he was surprised, his tone was bland. “Bring him alive to me, and kill his bitch.” He was referring to Alenko.

The clone frowned and objected. “No. I said I will dispose of him. I will confine him in one of those field container and-”

“And then what? Make him lack of oxygen? You have other stupid plans like that in your sleeve?  Bring me Shepard, or our deal is over.” Leng cut off harshly.

The replica gritted his tooth, but agreed. He beckoned 2 men who were standing in the background, abducting Kaidan on the floor.  
Another man appeared of nowhere, and tossed on the floor all their weapons. Brook pointed a gun at Shepard and told him to follow her gently.

“I leave the rest in your care.” the clone said to her, leaving the boys, with the 3 mercenaries and Brooks.

“You know Kaidan. We fought a lot, but…” Shepard said, as he surrendered to Brooks. “I wouldn’t mind to make love with you on the field.”

Kaidan was startled and then smiled. It was their hidden code. He flared in blue, scaring the two men and pulled their gun during their hesitation, tossing them around.

On his side, Shepard pushed violently away the woman with his biotic power, she fell hard on the floor, and scurried quickly away, to take cover.

“Fuckin biotic!” Brooks cussed, calling for help through her radio.

In a few acrobatic moves, Alenko and Shepard reached each other, back on back, burning in a mutual biotic synergy.

A lot of men appeared in the room, firing at them. They maintained their blue field as a shield and broke down the course of the bullet towards them, the bullet froze in the air.

“Are you ready to reach the point G?” Kaidan asked, a little strained.

“More than ready, I’ll lend you s..ome.” Shepard stuttered.

“Hold still.” He took Shepard hands and held them tightly. Shepard pushed the back of his head on Kaidan’s and shut his eyes.

As he said, he transferred a part of his dark energy to the Major.

The L2 concentrated his power and released everything, making sure he didn’t let go of Shepard. Everything around them exploded, as the bullet went back to their sender in a rapid velocity they couldn’t dodge.

You could hear the men crying in pain, their body crashing on the walls or falling in the opened platform where Wrex fell, earlier.

“What the fuck? What the fuck?” One of the men shouted.

Shepard opened his eyes, exhausted by the release. He quivered but held still, scanning the room. Brook was nowhere to find, was she dead somewhere? Or did she run away before the explosion.

  
*

Once everything was cleared, he allowed himself to faint. His fingers laced with his lover slipped slowly away, while he fell to the front. Kaidan turned around quickly and caught him. They crushed together on the floor, breathing hard.

“That’s why I’m telling you, Commander, you need to practice more.”

“Shut…up…” Shepard responded with fondness. “My head is going to explode; we finally did that shit we were talking about on the old Normandy …Why the hell did we call this ‘making love’? It doesn’t make you feel good at all” He laughed, then grunted in pain.

“I’m happy you still remember it. Our first try and success. And it’s the best name ever, because, it does, it does feel good, but only if you are used to it.” Kaidan said beside him.

He rolled on the side and stared at the blown wide pupil of Shepard, his disheveled hair because of the static electricity, his rough breath exhaling from his sultry mouth.

“Yeah, definitively a making love act.” He tugged Shepard’s chin, reaching for his lips. Jay raised an eyebrow and backed away from the forced grip. Kaidan let him go, frowning.

“Here, the headache.” He rubbed his forehead, clenching painfully.

“See, it doesn’t feel good. You just had a rush of adrenaline!” Shepard laughed.

“God, let not do that again, okay, Shepard?” Kaidan gritted, feeling now the after effect of their foolish act. Shepard brushed his hair with his hand, and pulled him closely to his chest.

“Lie there for a moment, Kaidan.” He silently petted his head, waiting for his recovery. The clone was getting away, but they couldn’t do anything with a weak body, they needed a brief pause.

*

**This silence was propitious for a confession.**

*

“I’m so sorry Kaidan…I let her die…” He muttered, his voice breaking.  
Kaidan opened his eyes faintly, and shushed him. He closed again his eyes, listening to the rapid beat of heart of Shepard who calmed down and took a normal rhythm.

He won’t argue with Shepard. ‘Sorry Ashley’ Kaidan thought, but he was glad to be alive and be with this man.  
Lying on his chest, he felt safein the arm of the man he loved deeply.  
The man, he broke the heart, but was willing, to take the broken parts and fixed it.

 

 “STUPID HUMANS!” A rough voice said. It was Wrex, climbing the opened platform.

“Wrex!” Shepard raised his body. Kaidan rolled off.

“What are you two doing lying on the floor?”

“Nap session, care to join?” Kaidan sarcastically retorted.

 

* * *

They managed to catch up before the clone left by stealing the Normandy. It was wearying, but they succeed. Shepard didn’t want to kill the clone, he was like a brother, or kind of….his son.

But the clone ignored his good-wellness and leaped in the void. It was strange, seeing the same body falling, seeing that sad and hurt expression on someone else that looked exactly like him going down under the city. Shepard never showed this much emotion. Does he have the same expression when he feels lonely, broken? It felt like a part of him died. His guts twisted.

He wished he could simply arrested Brooks, but he didn’t want to, his resentment was too strong. So, when she tried to run away, he gladly shot her. His thoughts darkened, as he watched a pool of blood flowing out of her warm body, the gleeful sensation that was shooting through his system as he stared at her lifeless body.

She was certainly the one, who put crap in the head of his twin. How many pieces of him Cerberus had violated for their own cause? How many lives they will destroy until they are satisfied? Even if she wasn’t a part of them, she was identical at them, a despicable person.

He has to destroy any Cerberus facilities, and if he survived the war, he will make sure Cerberus is the past, by tracking them, one by one.

Before falling, the clone told him something strange, he gave him a name, or perhaps it was a location. He was now up to Shepard to do whatever he wanted to do with this information.

 

* * *

The crew knew that Shepard needed some “let’s forget the shit that happened.” Strangely, the pike of his mood was even, they were expecting it to fall flat and be the most alerted moment, but it wasn't, it was even regular. Joker suspected it was Kaidan's doing. Anyway, he had an idea, everyone cheered at it, and pushed him to ask to Shepard.

  
**

“Where?” Shepard asked, giving a bottle of water to Joker.

“Guess where!” Joker replied, sitting on Anderson’s apartment with Shepard. “You have such a big place, will be a waste not to use it.”

“Joker, I’m not in the mood for a party…Particularly if I’m the host. I don’t even know how we do that!” He exclaimed.

“I know, just dress the guest list, will you? Liara and Cortez are willing to help you. Oh, and you have to buy some stuff, don’t worry, here the list.”

Shepard went reluctantly along with it, for his crew, it was important for them.

**

Tali, Liara and Cortez, appeared to be handy, they had each a task to fill. Tali and Liara had to look for alien supplies. Krogans, Turians and Quarians didn’t eat the same type of food as Humans and Asari, and what was edible for a Prothean ? They didn't have time for a guess game. The girls had to take Javik with them, so they kidnapped him. On his side, Cortez was decorating the appartment, and gave a list to Shepard of what he had to buy, plus Joker’s list, he had a lot to do. He heard as well from Cortez that Vega had a lot of “fun games” to propose to everyone. Shepard was dubious, but went along. He headed to the multiple stores, getting used to Silver Sun places.

* * *

“Hey.” A familiar voice called him in a store. Shepard turned around, and noticed it was Kaidan.

“Hey to you.”

“What are you doing, here? In front of…” Kaidan’s eyes goggled and looked dubiously to Shepard.

“Don’t look at me like that, it’s Joker’s list…for tonight.”

“Joker told you to buy condom for tonight party?” Kaidan took a red box, it was written "for smooth slicky and intense pleasure." He laughed while reading it. “Perfume: cherry…interesting.” He raised an eyebrow and tossed it to Shepard’s personal robotized shopping trolley.

“Who knows, maybe he wants to use it, with Edi…”

“I think he’ll need a lubricant, she can’t…you know…get wet.” He whispered in Shepard’s ears. Shepard snorted and was a little aroused by his low voice.

“Then, I should buy some. This one is pineapple flavour. Good.” He tossed it too, the robot trolley chimed happily. “How many I should buy? Wait, what are you doing here, Kaidan?”

“I promise I’m not stalking you. I just wanted to buy some drinks for tonight. And some…others things.” He explained.

Shepard dropped a gaze in his basket; there were three beef packets, something which looked like bacon, cheese, and bananas, and other stuffs he didn't want to spare anymore a look.

“You’re having a dinner with your girlfriend?” Though he asked, he turned his heels and walked away, Kaidan followed him quickly.

 

He took two pack of champagne, this store was owned by a human, so it’s was most likely to find earth food and drinks, though it was a little expensive, but he could afford it.

“Kind of. I thought that maybe…” Kaidan trailed off, Shepard continued his food shopping, clearly upset and tossing roughly things to the robot who was having hard time to catch the products, but still managing.

“Shepard, look at me a goddamn minute!” Kaidan stopped the track of Shepard, who was holding a bag of mozarella stick.

He stared back, his green eyes wildly bright and said. “You can invite her if you want to.” He shook off his hands and tossed the bag to the robot.

“I’m not with her, anymore.”

Finally, he said it.

Shepard stopped and stared back, this time he stood silently, waiting for Kaidan to explain.

“I broke up with her, Shepard. It’s been, 3 weeks.”

He opened his mouth and closed it. He opened it again, the sound of his voice getting hoarse. “Why…did you break, up… with her.”

“Because, I still love you, dumbass.”

“Kaidan…”

“And all of this, it’s for you." He showed the basket. "I want to prepare a dinner for you tomorrow night. I’ll pack it swiftly and well, and we will eat it in your cabin, with that bottle you brought for me when I was on the hospital. Say yes, please.” He pleaded.

Shepard paused. He thought about those goddamn two years, he thought about that goddamn woman, he thought about Kaidan saying, ‘I don’t know   **what** you are.’

  
He said.

  
“Yes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, a lot of things happened in this chapter, but here, the citadel part, is finished, well kind of, i want to do the big party, and those drinking games. I even uploaded a software, to make me choose WHO KISS WHO, so whatever happens in the next chapter, is not my doing, I think the software ship Shepard with Jacob, poor Kaidan. I hope second degrees pleased you, good lord, such a long chapter, hope it wasn't exhausting, haha.  
> \- - -  
> A teaser for one degree, the next chapter, the " # " means number.  
> #5, says a dirty secret to #10.  
> #7 touches an odd part on #14.  
> #8 eats the same mozzarella stick as #12, until their lips touch.  
> So, who will be those numbers? Ohoho. Have a nice week people.


	12. 1 Degree Celsius.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: "Make it beautiful guys. You couldn't have a lot of lesbian actions, but we will have surely some naughty gay stuff. Don't make us wait." Sometimes, Shepard is just an ass, and a great one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really a long chapter. Sorry for the wait. Hope you will like it.  
> ~~  
> Thank you for all your kudos and comment. You want to share your opinion about the story? Then do it, don't be shy!  
> But if you are being TOO harsh, I'll throw you out of the airlock! Hahaha :p  
> ~  
> This is the shirt that Shepard will wear for tonight party, imprint it in your memory: http://i01.i.aliimg.com/wsphoto/v0/528768659/Mens-Business-Shirt-Trendy-Mens-Shirts-Men-Black-Shirt-Men-Party-Shirt-MS184.jpg  
> ~~  
> FRIENDLY REMINDER: I only made the rule of the game. I didn't choose who win, or who kiss who. It was all the doing of a software called "The Hat"

They parted away. Shepard was happy but strangely a pang of nervousness was making its way.  
Kaidan informed him he had to have a private talk with Lizbeth. “She’s really a nice woman Shepard, she doesn't deserve that. How I treated her, it's... I feel ashamed. Really. I need to fix this.”

Shepard pursed his lips and nodded vaguely, pretending he didn’t care as he always do, and reminded his ‘friend’ that the party was about to start at 7 p.m. Kaidan kissed his cheeks, cocked a dopy smile then hurried away. Perhaps, it was selfish of him, not to care about the distress he strewed to the woman. He was what? a wreking ball, busting the couple of that poor girl. Although..., he didn't do anything to make Kaidan break up with her. It was the Major all and unique doing, and it boosted Shepard's ego. It was bad to feel happy about it, he should be ashamed. But..., seriously? He didn't fucking care.

“7 p.m!!” Shepard repeated, staring at his far away back. Kaidan nodded and scurried away. He could go and eavesdrop on them, but he decided to trust Kaidan. That shouldn't matter, right? That shouldn't matter if he goes back with her or not..., because Kaidan and him didn’t agree to be lovers. They were just going to share a friendly dinner, not like anything was going to happen, right?

Shit, he had a dopey smile, too. He never had a date with Kaidan. He was so looking forward to it.

Tonight and tomorrow, yes. It will be the best two days engraved in his memory. The **best**.

* * *

Once arrived at the apartment, someone was waiting for him.

“Ah, you’re there Shepard!”

“Miranda?” He recognized the beautiful brunette.

“Your friend, what his name again... Cortez? I think so. He told me you were out, I was about to leave. Happy that I’ve waited. Here.”  
She shoved him a refined dark green slipcover.

He frowned and zipped it, to take a look at it. “What is that?” There was something wrapped, a cloth.

“One word. Orianna. We decided to buy this for you. It’s the first time I'm doing a bit of shopping with my little sister. So, you have to wear it proudly, for tonight." She smiled. "This night, Shepard, you will be handsome.” Shepard smiled back, a constipated smile. She sighed and said. “I wish you had a good ending like Orianna and I.” He frowned to her statement, not sure to understand why she was saying this. “You know with your clone…" Ah. Right. His clone. "I heard about it. And for my defense, I really didn’t know about that.” She finished with a stern expression.

Shepard stared right at her and saw no lies. Orianna was a clone of her, she knew all too well the strucking feeling, but she accepted her new sister and didn't hesitate to go and save her from their crazy father. They had something to relate, but the ending was surely different.

“It wouldn’t have worked out anyway, he hated me too much. And I don’t think I would have bear to see another face of mine around here.” He opened the door and gestured her to enter. "Come in." Then adressing to the man inside. "Here, Steve, do you think you can manage while i'm a little busy with the lady overthere?" Steve smiled and nodded.

"I think, I can manage that. Thanks." He took the robot trolley and rummaged through the products. Shepard left all the decoration in his care and went upstairs with Miranda.

*

“If you want, I can search info about it.” She said, once stepping inside the room.

“Then, Rosetta.” He said, knowing exactly what she meant, by 'search'.

There was a short pause.

“You mean Rosetta Nebula, in the Terminus System?” She enquired.

Shepard shrugged. “Do you know something?” She insisted.

“Probably, but not much, just start your research there, please.”

She nodded. “I know perfectly this zone. I sent you there with Jacob, to retrieve his father on one of these planets..."

"Yeah... The region of Joab is an old repair for Blue Suns, well it was. There was a Prothean beacon overthere... Showing me the same crappy vision about Collectors and Reapers..." Shepard sighed.

"I see. It will narrow my scans. I’ll do it but only if you promise to wear this tonight.”

“Deal.”

"And Shepard? Just for one night, forget who you are, and be what you would like to be. A free man."

*

There weren’t only new clothes in the cover. There were shoes nicely wrapped, and an expensive perfume. He showered, and, fastened the clothes. It was a slim shirt with long sleeves and high collar, it was modeling perfectly his body, leaving nothing to the imagination as it was pressing tightly his pec’, even an erected nipple could be noticeable. He unbuttoned the first button, and hanged his dog tag around his neck. Then, he pulled a denim grey jean, passing a hand in his short hair.

He was ready, smelled good and was freshly clean.  
  


* * *

**7:10. PM.**

The night came off, everyone settled in the apartment.  
Shepard greeted them all with special drinks: ryncol for Krogans, pink lychee cocktails for Humans and Asaris without forgetting his dextro fellow’s with a delicious filtered liquid for Garrus and Tali. Strangely Javik could eat and drink the same food as Humans with a few exception, allergy with seed foods and lactose, probably more. Only Kaidan was missing.

“Have you seen Kaidan?” Shepard asked, posing the tray of drinks on a table. They shook their head. Shepard's face crumpled, but he regained his composure, hiding his unsettledness. He clapped cheerfully in his hands and told them to enter, thanking them for coming, and they had better to enjoy themselves because it was their idea. “Any complaints about tonight, go directly to the pilot of the ship.”

Joker growled. Everyone laughed.  
  


* * *

**7:26. PM.**

A soft music was playing in the background, and Shepard was at his second whisky.  
He ignored all the compliments addressed to him as he was staring with pleading eyes to the entry.  
  


* * *

**7:47. PM.**

Chakwas arrived with Samara and Zaeed.  
  
No sign of Kaidan. He greeted them.  
  
Soon after, Miranda arrived and she was gleeful to see “Shepard on his 31.”  
  
Whatever that mean.  
  


* * *

**8:28. PM.**

Shepard gave up.  
  
Waiting like a teenager boy having a crush for someone was laughable, even for his age. He was too old for this, too tired.  
  
All his crew was there, with his old one. So, he officially started to present them, even though they had already mingled.  
  


* * *

**8:52. PM.**

Kaidan finally appeared; his hands full of bags and nicely dressed.  
  
Shepard ignored him and returned in his trifling chat with Jack and Miranda.  
  
The Major saluted his friends, talked quickly with them, laughing nervously, and tidied his bags in the kitchen. Once done, he went straight to Shepard. “Hey.” He whispered slowly to his ear, nodding to the two women.

“You’re late.” Shepard retorted coldly, not sparing him a single glance.

“I know I’m sorry. Didn’t see the time pass.” He apologized quietly, trying not to be too loud for the ears of the women who weren’t minding them.

“I guess fucking her ate too much of your time.” He said out loud, drawing the attention of the girls. Kaidan gaped and wanted to retort but Shepard cut him off. “This is Miranda; You have met her twice on Horizon, and Jack, called Subject Zero. As you know, I worked with hers in my Cerberus time, rest assured, they aren’t any more a part of it.” He eyed Kaidan’s reaction.

The biotic didn’t say anything, he gave his hand and they shook it as a friendly greeting. He even socialized with them.

  
*

“So, Miranda, do you mind telling us, if you were really sneaking on us back on the Normandy?” Garrus asked, popping out of nowhere.

“You could ask this to Edi, she was mostly the one, monitoring info for the Illusive Man.” She responded, seeing Edi’s passing.

“That is correct, Miss Lawson. I had to report every doing of the crew, which was the most ungrafting thing I ever had to do.” Edi replied, with a low pitch tone, probably a note of bitterness. Then she went back to her doing.

“In fact, I had one job, and it revolved around you, Shepard.” Miranda explained. “It was medical monitoring, TIM was really anxious something would go wrong with your body, that you may have a dysfunction and also .... I didn’t trust you.” She laughed to the false offended attitude of Shepard.

“But, you couldn’t resist my charm and dropped some attitude.” He jested. Garrus laughed softly, patting their back and left them. He was heading to Tali.

“Well… saying otherwise would be all lies. I did start liking you, except when you sided with Jack.” She pursed her lips.

“Can’t have anything pompom girl.” Jack sneered. “There was only Shepard who could understand me.” As she said so, her face softened. “This bag of dicks, I thought he just wanted to get laid.”

“Hey. Stop talking as if I wasn’t there, girls.”

Kaidan was listening to their conversation silently, but then he asked. “So, it was all the best? I mean, you got along well with each other.”

She nodded and added “We had a thing.”

Kaidan halted, he dropped a side glance to Shepard then centered his attention to the brunette. “A thing? What do you…mean?”

Shepard exhaled a long suffering breath, rolling his eyes to the ex-agent.

“Puppy love.” She corrected.

“I don’t get it.” Kaidan put possessively his hand on the small of Shepard’s back, and tightened his grip.  
Shepard strengthened his back in surprise. They were in the other side of the counter, back to the kitchen, the others couldn’t see it. Well maybe Zaeed could have, but he was too engrossed to his conversation with Samara about a painting.

“I knew it. That why you weren’t interested in me, you were already getting laid!” Jack said out loud, taping his shoulder. “Sneaky bastard! And I thought you were gay!”

“Not at all Jack. I think I’m bisexual, with maybe…pansexual tendencies. If I love someone, it’s not because of its gender, race or appearance, but because of its personality.” Shepard corrected, noticing Kaidan stabbing invisible dark arrows on Miranda. “Well... let's face it, the appareance may alter my judgement." He laughed.

"And, we didn’t do **anything**.” He insisted more to Kaidan than Jack, because seriously, his glare was a tad obvious.

“That why I call it puppy love, little crush, little flirt, whatever you want to call it.” Miranda smiled fondly. “You are an amazing man, That why the Illusive Man told me specifically not to alter anything on you, that you were already perfect. You have great learning capacities, for someone who didn’t go far in studies.”

Shepard winced, he didn’t like this reminder but he let her talk.

“Now, TIM must regret not having listened to my advice about that mind implant.” She paused and frowned.  
“I’m glad he didn’t listen to me for once. And don’t make it go into your head; I’m just stating the truth, not complimenting you.” She hastily reminded. Ah, Queen of Ice.

“What, you two didn’t? Bo-oring.” Jack feigned a yawn. “But, I can still tease you on this.”

“Is everything a joke for you?” Kaidan asked testily to the half bald girl. What’s up with her haircut, anyway?

Jack sensed the hostility and sneered. “Calm down, snotty boy. What’s your name, again?

“Alenko. Major Kaidan Alenko.” He replied testily.

“Going formal good boy?” She mocked.

 **A pause...** “Hey…, wait. I know you.” She pointed a finger at him. “You’re the guy who ditched his sorry ass, right?”

By ‘his sorry ass’ she meant Jay's ass. Shepard choked on his drink, some juice went through his nose. He coughed loudly.

“Oh, Jack…” Miranda dramatically, shook her head, rubbing her forehead.

“I sh-should go.” Shepard stuttered, pinching his nose and coughing uncontrollably.  
You shouldn’t drink around Jack, it’s hurting your sinus.

 

* * *

James called out everyone, his boasting voice overlapping the room filled of soft music.

“Come on guys. This piece is too quiet, let’s heat up the mood, by doing a kissing game! I call it _dame un beso_.”

That got everyone’s attention, so Vega continued. “We will all write our name on these balls and put them in that.”

The ‘that’ he indicated was a top black hat, like the one magician use for their for their magical tricks. Where the hell did he find that?

Anyway, they were on. The others (Javik, Wrex, Samara, Zaed, Chakwas and Grunt) stood back. They preferred trifling chat over flirty games, though Zaed would have play if Samara was on.

Tali couldn’t participate, for the simple reason, she couldn’t kiss or get kissed by anyone, without taking off her mask and getting a lethal flu.  
  


* * *

“FOUR ROUNDS!” Jack yelled, shuffling the balls in the hat with energy. “Here, guys, what the lucky boy, or the lucky girl?”  
She took out the first ball and read it. Everyone was a little nervous; they never did those kinds of games.

“Taylor, you are opening the kissing game!” Jack said cheerfully.

“Bring it on, baby, I’m more than ready.” He stood up.

“Don’t act tough, you may kiss an undesirable person!” She sneered and pulled the second ball.  
“Hum, K-? Kaidan? OH! The snotty boy!” Everyone turned their attention to the Major.

“I guess, a game’s a game.” Kaidan stoop up as well and pecked the man called Jacob.

“Laaame!” Jack drawled. “Put more energy into it, boys! Damn, those party poopers. Next one!”  
As she pulled the next one, she guffawed. “Well, well, miss pompom girl, guess what?”

Miranda sighed. “I can’t believe, I’m doing this. Who’s the lucky one?”

It fell on Liara. James squealed like a teenager, happy to have the house for himself.  
It was a lesbian moment that he wanted to imprint in his cerebro. Joker agreed.

On the third round, it fell on Shepard and Jacob, they pecked quickly each other.  
“Jacob, you’re getting all the hot boys.” Jack scoffed.  
  


* * *

The last round, was surprisingly funny, it was Joker and James. “I WILL NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!” Joker screamed after the kiss.

“My hot lips are only for girls, but when a deal is sealed, it is, cold cojone.” James mocked the pilot.

“What’s up with that LGBT things? Another SIX rounds!” Jack said.

Joker refused and complained, but when she called him a wet pitjack, he withdrew. “Fine, fine, stop nagging like an old hag.”  
  


* * *

This time, it was EDI to shuffle the balls, and it fell on James and Liara. He pumped his fist in the air, wriggling his eyebrows. Liara sighed, she mumbled something, probably a “goddess help me”, because Javik reminded her what was the origin of her “God” and everyone went quickly back to the game before the situation get bad.

Next was Miranda and Samantha. Traynor’s face brightened, she admitted Miranda was a beautiful woman and was pleased with it. Miranda smiled and kissed her longer, the boys whistled while Sam blushed. Then, it was again Samantha, but with Steve, they could have been a cute couple, if they were both straight. They laughed and gave a quick friendly peck.

“I’m pulling the next one.” Edi said, she read it and smiled. “Jacob Taylor, and…” She pulled another one from the hat. “Jay Shepard.”

Everyone voiced their surprise: “AGAIN! That’s twice!”

“It’s okay, I like chocolate.” Shepard lightened. He sandwiched both Jacob’s cheeks and kissed the hell out of the man. Everyone was stupidly cheering for them. Chakwas was laughing in the background.

“Youngsters. So full of life.” Samara agreed with her.

Obviously, Kaidan wasn't pleased with this, he was incredibly irritated. Then, again, Edi pulled out the name of Shepard, with this time, the name of “Steve Cortez".  
The pilot smiled and Shepard kissed him softly and sweetly, making the other man fumbled.

“Am I eye-candy to you, Steve?” Shepard asked, winking at him. Kaidan reddened in anger.  
  


* * *

Jack elbowed Edi away and mixed the balls herself. She really wanted a kiss.

“What, the hell….” She read the name and exhaled a frustrated sigh. “Did you indoctrinate the hat, Shepard? It’s your name again, let’s see the next one...” She pulled.

“Kaidan.” She said. The Major’s eyes grew bigger; the blood flushing in his angering face ran quickly to his blushing ears. Did he hear well? His heart skipped a beat.

“Come on kiss….That the last round!” Tali said out loud. Garrus crossed his arms, ignoring the desperate gaze of his best friend, he was even cheering with Tali.

Shepard should tell to his friend, that he wasn’t with Kaidan... whatever.

Kaidan stood up and made his way through the group. He sat next to him, staring a fraction of second to each other, which look like an eternity. He caressed softly Shepard’s forearm and closed his eyes, leaning forward, and ready to kiss him. Shepard’s gaze shifted quickly, staring at the offering mouth of Kaidan and the really interested public.

He gulped and followed. He hoped Kaidan wouldn’t feel his body shuddering. His heart rate accelerated as Kaidan parted his lips with his warm tongue. He stuttered a shy breath.  
  


* * *

And, here the quivering feeling, the warm and fuzzy pool in his belly and groin pouring down. The tender tongue caressing timidly his, like a shy salute, a homey feeling, a timid ‘welcome back home, I missed you’. There was some awkward play of tongue, which turned quickly into a sensual tango, entangling each other, teasing each other.

The slick and wet noise from the suction of the corner of his mouth was driving Shepard crazy. Kaidan brushed a nipple on the soft fabric and pinched it. All his body hair sprinkled.

Someone coughed, making the deep kiss to end. They exhaled a soft moan, a string of saliva linking their lewd reunion fell. They stared at each other with lust, in front of the bewildered crowd. Kaidan licked the corner of his mouth staring at Shepard, breaking the string of saliva. Well, look like, they gave quite a show.

“Wow, what’s with that sexual tension.” James asked out loud.

“That was interestingly hot.” Cortez conceded.

Kaidan rubbed his nose and laughed awkwardly while Shepard wiped the corner of his mouth. He dropped shy glance to Shepard’s. He knew he felt it, how good it was for both of them.

“I need a drink.” Though Shepard said that, he went straight ahead to the bathroom and splashed water on his face, hoping nobody would noticed his raging hard on.

It’s been a while since he did that, but he had to... He unfastened his denim to his ankles, unbuttoned his shirt, showing his naked torso to not let it get dirtied and sat on the WC masturbating, stifling his moan with a towel. Restlessly, thinking about the kiss.

**

Jack was annoyed and asked for a last round, she didn’t get yet a kiss. “What the point to participate in a game, if you don’t even have a chance to play it?”

“You wouldn’t have won anyway.”. Garrus snorted. She glared at the Turian and took him by surprise, kissing him roughly. Garrus was stunned and lost for words.

The rest of the crew laughed. Tali didn’t look pleased, she crossed her arms and tapped on the floor with her feet.

*

Shepard was back, nobody paid attention to his absence, well he hoped so. Anyway he acted naturally.

The next game was a drinking contest, the one who has to drink a lot, is the loser, which attracted a lot of participants, except Chakwas. She knew all too well her limit. She had been experienced it quite a lot with Shepard.

Javik declined the invitation. Shepard tried to relax him, by meddling him in the crowd. The Prothean, finally went with the flow and loosened, taking a few drinks and chatting with everyone, but still, refused to participate. Shepard didn’t insist, he had a lot of rough things running in his head, but you could see he was getting close with the Krogans and Zaed. He was even _trolling_ Liara and Vega, which was a good sign.  
  


* * *

The game started. They agreed for a twenty rounds, but because there were 16 participants, they had to be divided into 4 groups of 4 people.

The first group was composed of Zaed, Tali, Samantha and Miranda.

After the 18th round, Miranda, finally took her second glass, while the others were on their fifth. The contest was tightening between Samantha and Tali. In the end, Sam lost. She applauded the Quarian.

They couldn’t believe Miranda had only 2 glasses while the others had to drink a lot. “What can I say? I’m perfectly lucky.” She said.

The second group was: Samara, Joker, Jacob and Garrus. Jacob lost. He had to drink nine cups. Joker was boasting and called him a looser, maybe he was a little drunk.

Garrus had his first drink, after the 15th round. “Well, that was the easier game I ever played. Thanks for the drink.” He said.

They all growled, while Samara was laughing, her cheeks lightly purple. She had only four drinks. “I don’t get drunk, that easily, but my skin acts always strangely when I consume some.”

The third one was composed of: Grunt, Wrex, James and Kaidan.

“Why I am getting the 3 Krograns?” Kaidan nagged.

“Hey!” James acted offended, but then laughed.

In the end, Wrex lost, but the game was a tight knot with everyone.  
Particularly in the end, Kaidan was always the one picking up, 5 drinks, but he got away as Wrex consumed his sixth in the last round.  
  


* * *

The last group was obviously, Jack, Liara, Steve and Shepard.

“Now, Jackie, let’s see who’s the best.” Jay boasted.

“I’ll smack you, peacock boy! Bring it on!” She boasted back.

“Ready?” Edi asked. Everyone was watching attentively.

The first drink was for Steve, then Liara. Jack eyed Shepard with a challenging glare, which he returned with a smug attitude. The third glass, fell on Liara again, she gulped it, and wiped her mouth, then Steve.

The crew was concentrated on the duo, which one will be the first one to finally drink? Subject Zero or Butcher of Torfan?

At the sixth round, Shepard, took his first, Jack laughed, followed by Liara, her cheeks taking a purple shade. Shepard consumed another one, growling to Jack.

“Looks like I won’t drink with you. You better off without me, Sheppie.” Jack said.

She shouldn’t have talk too fast; she had her first one, finally.

“Say hello, Jack.” Shepard smirked.

“Hello?” She was puzzled. “To what?”

“To Karma, she’s a bitch.” Shepard laughed out loud, Jack shook her head. It was rare for him, to swear so openly, but with Jack, it felt natural.

On her side, Liara was struggling with the bitter juice, she was to her fourth strong drink. She wasn’t used to drink, it was burning her throat, and making her head dizzy and sleepy.

“We are even now, Jackie.” Shepard said to Jack, when they knocked back the same amount of drinks.

Steve took another one, encouraging Liara to finish her fifth and then sixth...

“Oh goddess…” Her voice was rough, glaring back at Javik. But the Prothean didn’t joke on that. He just smiled. What a troll.

On the 17th round, Jack took her third one, then fourth. In the end, the score was obvious, Liara lost. They patted her shoulders and praised her.  
  


* * *

All the losers had to do a final contest, a fifteen round. Liara felt nauseous, she ran somewhere, probably in the bathroom.

“The losers have to exchange a drink and feed a cherry to his partner.” Tali expressed, half-drunk.

Shepard took Liara’s place, before she puked all over the place. Hearing that, Kaidan asked Wrex if he could take his seat. The Krogran didn’t mind, and shrugged it off.

“But, don’t you dare to lose, human. You are honoring my place.” Wrex told him. Was all Krogans so serious about games?

Aye, Aye, was the reply of Kaidan. The game was about to start.

“I won’t lose to you, people.” Shepard flashed the most confident smile. His competitive side was showing. This was rare, because he let always the others to win. Miranda named this “reverse superiority complex” whatever that means.

They drank, Samantha, being the first one. And then, it started. Shepard knocked easily back his fourth drink; always licking his lick and flashing his whole set of beautiful teeth. That kind of made horny Kaidan.

Jacob lost, again. “Man, Karma doesn’t love me.” He conceded.

“Maybe, in another life, you broke the heart of a red-head woman.” Shepard joked.  
  


* * *

Samantha and Kaidan were even, they did a rock paper scissor. The man lost, score 2-1. He had to exchange a cherry with Jacob. Shepard barked in laughter in the background with James next to him.

James had whispered something in his ears, and the man was smiling, the corner of his eyes crinkling. That was the worst experience ever for Kaidan. Karma is a bitch.  
  


* * *

They discarded, letting the alcohol to buzz out.

Shepard diriged himself toward the second room where the bar was set, he heard a gunshot, followed by the sound of a glass breaking.

"Goddamnit, guys! There is no way that you are going to have a gunparty in my house!" He yelled.

Wrex, Javik and Zaed stared at him.

"Just redecorating, don't worry we won't break anything." Wrex soothed. There was an awkward silence, as Shepard shoved a finger to the broken bottle. "Well... accidents do happen."

"No, is no. Go party like normal people! Get the hell out of this room." He scolded promptly. They growled but stood up.  
Before letting them go, Shepard took a bucket that was lying on the floor and made them a sign. "All your weapons go there. Asap." He ordered in his commanding tone.

They complained but ditched their guns in the bucket. Shepard placed it behind the counter, sighing in disbelief.

"And just when Javik was starting to have fun." A voice told him, he turned around, recognizing the voice. Kaidan's. "I bet it's in these moments, that you see the limit of your connection with Krogans."

Shepard didn't answer and just smiled lightly.  
  


 **A silence**.

  
"I know you are mad at me." Kaidan pursued, entering the room, and facing Shepard in the other side of the counter.

"I'm not... Why would I be...?"

"Well, firstly because I was late. Secondly, i made you all flustered by that kiss in front of everyone." He cocked a smile.

Shepard was taken aback, and ditched the deadpan face. He didn't hear him _fapping_ right? Did he notice the massive rod in his jeans?  
  


 **Another silence**.  
  
  
"Why were you late, Kaidan?" He asked.

"Does it really matter?"

"If it didn't, why would i have ask you this question. Did you... Did she... You know, throw a thantrum?"

"No, Shepard."

"Saying something like, _I'm pregnant_ -"

"No."

" _You have to marry me, you can't leave_ or something like _If you leave me, I will kill myself_ -"

"No."

"Okay. Did you give her a pity fuck?" He was being nasty and very jealous. You could hear clearly his tone filling of venom and mockery.

"Goddamnit Shepard, NO! Liz is not like that! What do you think she is? She is a respectable woman!" He yelled in the room filled of bouncing music, the voice of their friends laughing and singing in the background could be heard. No one could guess they were having a fight, in all the messy music and cheering.

"You think so highly of her... That's great." He stared at a corner of the room, feeling his eyes starting to burn.  
  
"We don't have anymore icecube. I need to fetch some in the kitchen." He was ready to leave, worrying his bottom lips. A hand fell on his arm.

"Do you trust me Shepard?" Kaidan asked to the man who refused to stare back at him. "I told you I love you. I really do. And if you really want to know why I was so late, well then, I'll told you."

Shepard spared him a glance, then stared at the tight grip. Kaidan released him. "My mother." He simply said.

Shepard waited. Kaidan argumented. "I received a call from my mother. She's fine, she could escape safely with my uncle and his daughter. But his brother.... MIA. My father is MIA, Shepard. He didn't return since he had to put back his gear. She's far away of the cities, but she can..."

He paused, shutting firmly his eyes. "...I can still hear the beaming noise, even though they are so far, it's still so loud. She's scared and tired. I can't help her, right now. And people are starting to fight for food. It's been... what? Four month since Vancouver was attacked? And people are already reacting as if it's been four years."

"Why didn't you tell me this, earlier..." Shepard whispered, feeling a pang of guilt.

"Why should I annoy you with this.... when you have so much things running in your mind? I know about the reccurent dream Shepard." Suddenly, the image of a dark forest with dead trees flickered in Shepard mind. "I know as well, that you are always worrying about us, always asking to us, how are we doing. You can't manage all our stress, plus yours. That's... humanly impossible. I want to be strong in front of you, sorry, male pride." He joshed, a nice smile on his face, but not reaching his eyes. "So, when I'm asking you, to trust me, trust me, please."

"I'm so sorry Kaidan..." He whispered. "We... we will save them. I promise, I'll find something." He smiled. Kaidan smiled back.

"I know... and I'll help you. We're going to win this fuckin' war. But before that, before Cerberus, the Reapers or everything else in this universe. I want to spend one last time with you, again. In this party."  
  


* * *

“Come on, last game, guys, and call this a night!” Vega boasted.

Ah, another game.

"Where are you Loco! Come on Commander!" James called out.

Shepard tapped the shoulder of Kaidan and went to join the others. “What will be _el appelido_ , James?”

“Let’s call it sixty-nine.” James replied.

“I was expecting, something more _latino_ , but it’s fine! Give the rule, Lt!”

“Well here, guys. Each name on each ball, like the first game, but... here the thing, each of us will have a number.” They listened cautiously. “Number one has to peck #11. Number two has to French-kiss #4. Number three gropes the six.” Joker whistled, James continued. “Number five says a dirty secret to #10. Seven touch an odd part on #14. Eight eats the same mozzarella stick as 12. Nine licks #15. And... #13 isn’t lucky, he got nothing, but s/he shows us…” His eyes glittered. “His underwear, bra for women!”

“Where the hell are you getting all those ideas?” Garrus asked astounded.

The balls were shuffled in the top hat. Everyone was enthusiastic, which number they will get? The first name fell.

“Jack.” Edi read. “You are the first.”

“As expected of Subject Zero, she’s always the first.” Garrus joked.

“Let me add, all your names in my system, like this, everyone else will have a visual note on their respective omnitool.” Edi conceded. Everyone approved her idea.  
  


* * *

Irony is pretty funny. Kaidan pulled the number 11, and had to peck number one which was the half-bald girl, Jack. She smiled, the feeling of caressing the soft lips of a woman, compared to the rough lips of a man, was distinguishable. Feeling how lost and reticent Kaidan was, Jack grabbed the back of his head, and forced a kiss, she tongued him. He chocked and broke the embrace. Jack snickered while Kaidan was scowling, wiping his mouth. He dropped a side glance to Shepard who was just drinking his whisky cola, raising his glass to them. Bastard.

"You were supposed to peck me, not to put your tongue inside my tonsil!" He yelled, outraged.  
"Oopsie doopsie?" Jack laughed wildly, waving him off.

The game pursued, with Sam and Edi. Traynor was nervous, she had a little crush over Edi. Although Edi didn't have technically a tongue, they kissed each other. The synthetic woman found it odd, she couldn't feel it physically but she smiled.

"That was my first kiss." She said, all too proud.

Everyone turned their gaze at Joker.

"Shut up!" He said even if they didn't say anything. He knew all too well what they were dying to ask.

So they never..., huh? Weird.

Next one, it was Shepard's turn to pull a number, he shuffled the balls et fell on number six.  
Cortez was his partner, he had pulled the number three.

"Well, i never knew one day that i would have to grope the buttock of my Commander." Steve laughed and approached Shepard. The latter one responded with a laugh, they kind of hug and Cortez slided his hands on his waist, then palmed the buttcheek firmly. "I feel like I'm molesting you, Shepard."

"Yeah, yeah, have a good taste."

They parted away, a blush creeping his way out on Steve's face, but then he said:

"I confirm, his butt is firm and all muscles, no fat!"

"Aaaw, and I bet 20 bucks it was all squishy!" Joker joshed. Shepard sticked out his tongue like a child.

The game continued, everyone was enjoying this little fun. It was time to number five to concede a dirty little secret to number ten, which Samara did with Liara, whispering in her ears. The youngest asari giggled, her eyes goggling. "Can asari really do that? Goddess!"

"HEY! You have to share this secret with everyone else!" James pouted. He wanted some juicy details.

Liara eyed him and retorted. "I don't think so, James. You are number eight, not ten!"

They ignored the boys and returned vividly in their talk.

Then, came the turn of number seven with number fourteen. Miranda stood up and went to palpate Tali's legs. "I always been intrigued by Quarian anatomy. Your tibial muscles are so particular."

"That is the odd part to you?" James was abashed.

"James, you're not going to have some lesbian actions, cut it out." Shepard said, shaking his head.

It was now the time of mister latino, and being number eight was a delicate situation, well it depend who is your partner. It could have been one of the girls, right. But....they all already pulled their number. It fell on Joker.

"NO." Joker screamed in horror, as he pulled the number twelve. "WHY! WHAT I EVER DID TO YOU, FATE?"

You could say all the crowd cracked up except the two concerned.

"A game is a game. Here, eat that sticky mozarrela stick." Shepard drawled sweetly, moaning faintly. He was enjoying this. "Make it beautiful guys. You couldn't have a lot of lesbian actions, but we will have _suuurely_ some naughty gay stuff. Don't make us wait."

"I hate you, Shepard!" Joker growled.

*

They ate it. They shared the same cheese stick until their lips touched each other. Joker wanted to throw up. Vega was annoyed. A good lesson of life, stop trying to push your desire on people or it might bite you back.

There was still two rounds to go. Jacob had to lick Zaeed. The pairing was awkward and nobody wanted to see that again. Too traumatizing. And then, the unlucky one, the number thirtheen, Garrus.

"Well guys... Here a thing or two about Turians." He paused, they all stared at him waiting for him to get rid off, his clothes. What kind of short their dear friend was fancy of. Ducky? Clouds? Plain? "Turians don't like underwear."

There was a short pause. Everyone dropped their unfazed expression to his lower part, the face starting to switch to a horror one.

"I dont want to see your schlong! Keep it!" Shepard eewed. Everyone agreed. The games ended.  
  


* * *

It was 2am, Shepard sat on the stairs, watching over his friends with a nostalgic feeling. They were so happy. No taste of dust and blood in your mouth, just some liquor sweetly burning in your throat. No scream of terror, just laugh and light talk. No dead eyes staring in the emptiness of a probably no tomorrow, just eyes filled with excitation, life. Everything looked so great.

"I don't want it to be like in Torfan..." He whispered to himself. Dead corpses painted in red, flickered in his head. He roughly rubbed his forehead, sighing.

Now, his mind drifted back to Earth. He worried his thumb in his mouth, forgetting his surroundings, his mind already swirling back to his soldier mode, playing all the possible scenarios. All the "what if" this, "what if" that. He didn't notice Kaidan sitting next to him.

"Hey." Kaidan slurred.

Shepard shifted his gaze to the man next to him and smiled.

"Hey" He replied.

"Are you, are you alright?"

"Of course, why?" He lied.

"You don't look alright..."

"What do you think of, we all drink, i'm a little busted."

"Yeah, obviously." Kaidan was relieved. "Yeah, of course! It's the alcohol!"

They stared at the crew, snorting to the stupidity of Vega chicken dancing. They were so drunk.

"Those game were horrible!" Kaidan broke the silence.

"Really? It was...great. I had fun."

"Yeah, yeah. You got all the good pieces!" Kaidan said, putting his hands together. His expression quickly changed. "Listen, Shepard... I have 3 questions for you. It may upset you, but I need to know. Really, really badly to know. Do you think you can answer them truthfully. I don't want to argue with you, but..."

"Shot it, Major." Shepard knocked his knee on Kaidan's and encouraged the man to voice his concern.

"Okay." He exhaled a long sigh, and scrubbed his hands on his legs, a nervous gesture. "Okay... Well, it's about... Ashley, you know?"

"Oh..."

"Yeah. Oh. If... If we weren't lovers, and she was yours..., would you have let me to die knowing that I was guarding the bomb, and it was ...logically the first part to head? Would have let me to die, and go save her, and by the process, compromise the mission, because of your feelings?"

Well, that was a tough question. Even a N7 training was a baby compared to that. "I don't know."

"Truthfully, Shepard. You agreed to answer thruthfully."

"I know... but, I don't know." Kaidan didn't say anything, he just stared, waiting for a proper answer, now. "I don't think so."

"Let me rephrase it, then." His tone was severe. "If Ashley was guarding the bomb, and I was your lover, would you have go to save her, or compromise the mission and save me, instead of."

Shepard clenched on his hands. What kind of question was that? For the first time, he was scared to answer to Kaidan. His lips quivered, he bit them severally before answering. Kaidan was still waiting an answer, and though he wasn't saying anything, his eyes was pressuring him to give an answer.

"I... I think, I would have... to compromise the mission." He stared at one point of the wall. Kaidan nodded, and simply said. "Okay. Thanks for the answer."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, Shepard, it's all. I told you, I just want a honest answer, I'm not here to argue with you. So here, my second question, it may really upset you, are you ready?"

Shepard didn't answer right away. He was a little taken aback, that Kaidan didn't yell at him how selfish his past action was. He nodded, gulping nervously. "I don't think it can be harder than the first one..."

"Oh, believe me, it is."

Not reassuring.

"Why I am feeling I'm being tested... Go... Ask me."

Kaidan nodded. "At the Citadel Archives, there was that man, he was about to shoot you, but he didn't. Instead of, he killed his friend and then himself. What.did.you.do?"

Ah...

"I don't know either." Before Kaidan answered with his big frowny eyebrows, Shepard added quickly. "I thought he should die, him and his friends. I just thought that and it happened. I know it sound crazy but it's like I... entered his mind. I don't know how! But it happened. Maybe the Leviathans gave me something when they were controling my mind. I don't really know, I can't explain this to you. I'm not a monster. It's still me..."

"I know it's you. It's just... Truthfully...., that scared me, Shepard. But I know it's you, don't worry about it."

Shepard was unconvinced. "Just... Let's finish with that, shot your last question." He couldn't handle this anymore. The 'what you are' was starting to replay in his head, and the fact he didn't know if the Illusive man changed something inside him even if Miranda told him that everything stayed the same way, except some organs who needed synthetic tissues, was making him sick. Something about Cerberus made his skin crawled.

"Third and last question." Kaidan stared at the low head of Shepard. He grabbed his chin and leveled his gaze to his. "May I have a dance?" Kaidan smiled.

Shepard conflicted face dropped out, and turned into a dumb one. "W... WHAT?"

"Hey, we never danced together. I want a slow with you." Kaidan stood up and pulled Shepard on his feet. "Show me _dat_ dancing _skillz_ of yours."

Shepard scoffed a laughter. "Just because you speak like a young, doesn't mean you are! Aaand, I don't remember any move that Asari taught me. I was drugged when I was dancing in that casino."

"I don't care! I told you, I want to have many memories to share with you. You are so sexily dressed. I like it a lot. You are a real turn on.  
  
Shepard chuckled. "Thanks."  
  
"Come shake that not fat of yours with my fat. Let's roll, Commander."

They headed to the dancefloor, Kaidan ordered Glyph to put something sweeter, slower.

"Yes, Major Alenko." The robot switched off the bright light into a dim one. A soft and really old music started.

Shepard embraced awkwardly the man that he loved and they started to move.

"OUCH!" Kaidan stretched out a little scream of pain as Shepard stabbed his foot with his.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry Kaidan. You know that I can't dance!"

"Ay, ay, it's alright, Sheppie, just follow my lead."

"Don't call me that! Kai."

Shepard listened to the music and frowned to the lyrics. "It's.... an earth song..." He whispered.

 _Because your silence is your most beautiful weapon. I shall never admit defeat [...]_  
_I would like to know what you are hiding away from me,_  
_In those thoughts where you are excluding me._  
_I don't understand anymore to who you are talking to. I do not recognize you really any more._  
_Believe me, I won't make drama._  
_no drama, even if your words hurt me._

"Yeah, the beat is kind of strange, but it's nice in the ears." Kaidan said simply.

"Yeah..." Shepard was thoughtful.

_I screamed and whispered but in front of this wall of silence I collided._

It felt like this song was all the thoughts of Shepard towards Kaidan when they started their journey together on the SR2. It felt odd. He stared around him and noticed Liara. She was smiling. He wasn't sure, but her eyes looked bright, as if she cried. Strangely, Shepard thought it was tears of joy and not pain. He didn't know how he knew that, he just felt it. Liara was probably drunk.

"See? It's not that hard when you go with the flow. It could be worst, for example... you could have knocked me down in the face with your arm." Kaidan joshed.

Shepard blushed, he knew his dancing skills were horrible and that he moved too much his arm. He rested his forehead on the strong shoulder of Kaidan, following and listening to the sweet and strange music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you think about Kaidan's 3 questions? I think the last one, is my favorite.  
> And you? Which question do you prefer? And what is your favorite ODD pairing? Joker with Vega, Jacob with Kaidan, or maybe Zaeed with Jacob! Haha. I think I'm going to stick with mshenko  
> ~~  
> The song is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFgllmwSvfg#t=72  
> It's a french song from the French Islands (West Indies). What do you think about it? The lyrics suit them!  
> I wonder if we will have the same ending as the end of this song. Ah! :D  
> ~~  
> And yes, it's the software who did all the pairing, group, who kiss who, who win, who lost. I only made the rules!  
> The only moment I intervened was for Shepard taking Liara's place, and Kaidan taking Wrex's. The rest... not my doing.  
> Your turn to talk ! (i mean, write...shhhh.)

**Author's Note:**

> 4 - Don't hesitate to point out any grammar mistake, it's unbeta-d.  
> 5 - This fanfiction will be in 2 parts: before and after the ending.  
> 6 - I don't care about catalshit.


End file.
